Was Every
by jol27
Summary: For 25 yrs they have been best friends then in just 1 single minute everything changed. "Guys I'm getting married!" My name is Bella Swan and I have a secret I am in love with my best friend. All norm pairs All human.
1. Chapter 1

**Was Every**

**This is my new story idea that came to mind late last night, (cheese and wine before bed never good thing) it has played over and over in my head all morning so I am putting it down on paper. **

**I would love to know what you guys think. **

**Still do not own Twilight. **

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**Bella**

Was every look I ever gave him a lie?

Was every smile to light my face from seeing him a lie?

Was every blush when he said my name a lie?

Was every hug laugh or touch just a lie?

My name is Bella Swan and I have a secret, for 25 years I have been in love with my best friend.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Let's start at the very beginning… **

**A very good place to start. **

**I do not own Twilight. **

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**Bella**

Edward and Bella, Bella and Edward there was never just an Edward or just a Bella. That's how it has always been, 25 years later I still remember the little boy who smiled that signature crocked smile at the shy blushing little girl when they made a promise over snack time to always be friends.

My mother Renee had left my father when I was just 2 years old she was unable to cope with the pressure of a baby and married life unlike Charlie my father when faced with fight or flight my mother the ever young free sprit took flight.

My parents had married at a very young age after a teenage romance both enraptured by the thrill of young love, it was a Vegas wedding in the Little white chapel. 2 short months later Renee became grounded with a bump, quite literally after finding herself 5 months pregnant. Charlie was then a young cop with a promising future with the force, a simple and good man he had all he ever wanted a wife and baby on the way.

When my mother had walked away from us Charlie never dwelled on our loss instead he worked harder proving to be the only parent I would need, I still don't know which he took harder my mother leaving him or the fact that she left her 2 year old little girl.

As predicted Charlie had made a good career for himself in the force, he made police chief in a little town just 2 years after Renee left us. So I found my 4 year old scared self blushing and shy on that day in my new day care, sitting alone at a small plastic table eating red apple and I remember looking up into those dazzling blue eyes.

That was the day I met Edward Cullen and the day we became best friends.

Naturally we have made other friends over the years, when Edward and I started school we added others to our friendship, I met Alice when I was 6 and Alice was introduced to me by the schools secretary I was asked to be her "buddy" on her first day at school I was always the quiet hard working student who was often asked to show new students around. It took only until lunch time for me to fall completely in love with my over excited, raven haired doll sized friend and it is easy to see why everyone loves her its hard to ignore the "force" that is Alice.

Edward has a big brother, Emmett and over the years he has become more of a brother to me then Edward. Emmett has always taken my side and even preferred to give me his old toys over his own "blood brother." Emmett may only be 2 years older then us and the big brother of our group but there are times his childish pranks make you feel like you're the older sibling who has to baby sit.

The Hale twins Jasper and Rosalie joined our social misfit group when they moved into the quite little town half way through our first school year. Rosalie is a confident and beautiful person who became my friend after telling the evil "Hello Kitty" queen that was Jessica to leave me alone after she started telling everyone my Rainbow bright lunch box was really ugly. Her twin Jasper met Edward in football club and those two found an immediate kinship through a passion of sci-fi, Jasper was the complete opposite of his twin, he is calm cool and collected, he only speaks when he has something worth hearing.

You could find the 6 of us in the busy lunch hall clubbed together around a metal table gaining odd looks from our fellow students because of our odd appearance ranging from Emmett's huge muscle built frame to Alice's tiny pixie sized frame, Rosalie's make up retouches to my book reading.

We each brought something special to our group Jasper was a listener, Alice a passionate energy, Rosalie gave fierce loyalty, Emmett brought the fun of a big brother and Edward brought his dazzling charm. I would like to think I gave something to the group just as equally but I was always just your quite shy and clumsy Bella, maybe it was the laughter I brought to the group from my many trips to the emergency room.

No matter what challenges have happened in our 25 years of friendship we have faced they head on together. We are still the same odd misfit group now that we were then. Through the challenges and separation of college and work we have always been there for each other. No matter what.

We are each others supports when Rose and Emmett bought their house we worked together painting the walls and building the furniture. When Alice married Jasper we each took our place beside our friends as best men and maids celebrating their love and sharing their tears of happiness. When I graduated they cheered from their seats in the audience as I accepted my scroll and when Edward had to move away to medical school we carried the boxes and drove the miles to his new home. Sitting together on empty boxes laughing and crying about the old times, eating cold pizza and drinking warm beer.

Now after spending the last 4 years away studying and working hard to become a doctor my best friend my missing piece was finally coming home. Edward was moving back to work along side his father Carlisle, there would be no more weekly phone calls, texts or e mails. No more rushed weekend visits now if I wanted to see him I could walk to his home, if I needed someone to talk me off the ledge after a day of teaching snotty teenagers the world of Austin or the beauty of Shakespeare. I could grab some beers and sit with him not smile weakly missing him over the phone.

"Now there is the smile I have not seen for 6 months, don't tell me Miss Swan it is just for me because you know tonight I am making my famous "Cullen Chilli" and not because a certain smooth doctor is due home in the next 2 hours?" Emmett stood in the teacher's lounge making light work of his lunch; I wonder how much shopping Rose does a week just to feed him. "Not at all, you know I am all smiles about your 5 Chilli pepper Chilli Emmett. The fact that Edward is coming home has nothing what so ever to do with it. In fact Edward who? It's been 2 months since he had the spare time to call me. Bring on the Chilli!" Emmett's face broke out into his most wicked smile and I knew I was in for some teasing.

"Now come on old Eddie boy has been too busy to even ring mum. The fact that you two are practically telepathic should make things much easier, who needs Alexander Graham Belle, you two just have to look at each and your lost in your own little mind reading thing. When are you two just gonna fuck and make those perfect babies my mother swears you two will have?" I could feel the blush flame over my face like a fire, as I tried to hide behind my hair I could see Lauren Malory from the Drama department looking at me "Now come on coach Cullen there is only one Cullen man I want to do that with and he's taken."

Emmett was looking lost and you could see him mentally turning the wheels in his head, "Ah Bell's baby you have to know I love my Rosie, you missed your chance with the love bear, but if you and Rose want to make my birthday wishes come true……" My face made a ewwww expression and the blush that had yet to leave was burning darker I stood up from the little beat up chair in the staff room putting my cup in the sink. Before leaving the room I turned back to my big brother "I wasn't talking about the unmarried Cullen men" I gave him my best love sick sigh and dreamy look as I opened the door into the crowded hall way. Just before it closed I heard his booming laughter and "Oh Bella not my old man! That's just gross!"

With Rose and Emmett living together, Alice and Jasper married many people held certain ideas that it was "written in the stars" a natural course of "fate" that Edward and I would soon wake up and realise we were always meant to be together.

No one knew but for 25 years I have been wide awake, for 25 years I have carried the light in my heart I was just waiting for him to see it too.

**Edward**

Rain. I love the rain, I missed the rain. Driving into the rainy little town I grew up in I pulled down the window of my silver Volvo and took in a deep breathe of fresh air, after 4 years away I was finally coming home.

Home to my family and friends phone calls and rushed e mails were not enough to keep me happy while I was away. I had missed everything about home, the chilli nights, games nights the way I could just grab a few beers and walk to Bella's after a stressful day. We could talk each other down after a stressful day in person not wistful smiles over the phone.

Now she could tell me about the bitchy drama students who wanted to act Juliette but never wanted to study her and I could talk to her about the clueless parents who gave their child access to the garage thinking it was cute how their 7 year wanted to make a bird house, not so cute when I had to put 5 stitches in his arm and give him a shot.

So much has changed since that day I met a rosy cheeked brown haired little girl eating at the snack table, our friends may have married or bought houses but some things never change and remain a Constance.

Bella was my best friend and no matter the changes or the separation she was still that little girl who promised to be my friend over red apples and orange juice. She was my Constance.

Pulling into my parents drive way I parked my car in the large 4 space garage grabbed my bags and walked into my child hood home. My mother had refused to down size to a smaller property claiming to need my brother's bedroom and mine for the future grand babies we were going to bless her with.

My mother Esme has always lived for her family and nothing brings her more joy then welcoming new life into the world with love. Her job as a midwife at the same Hospital I will work at with my father has given her many years of happiness and I could think of no other loving and skilled woman I would want to help bring my children into the world.

My mobile rang out "Material girl" and I knew Rose had text me, **So is his lordship joining us for his brothers 5 loo roll chilli? Only I need to polish the silver and roll out the red. Missed you, a little. R**

That bitchy text was just why I loved Rosalie Hale; you always knew where you stood with the girl. If you upset her she made sure you knew it and boy did you know it. My brother had found the perfect women in our blonde tall and smart friend. There are not many women who can own the most respected car repair shop and garage have an entirely male dominated field eating out of her hands because of her brains and talent rather then because of a swim suit model appearance.

Out of my 6 friends I never used to have a strong relationship with Rose, it wasn't until we both wanted to see the Classic car show to get a picture of the Aston Martin Vanquish that we developed a shared passion for mechanics and speed.

That's what I love about my friends, the way each of us bring something to each others lives. Rose brings her no nonsense approach, Alice her endearing excitability, Jasper his calming influence and Emmett his protective "big bear" spirit, which I know brings the girls security. The most important person to our group is Bella.

She never saw it but Bella was the "glue" of our group she has this quiet shy and charming nature that pulls you to her. With out Bella our group would not work, yes Jasper had married Alice straight after college and Emmett had been madly in love with Rose since we were 7 years old and she flashed her panties from the climbing frame at playtime but it was because of Bella's enchantment we stayed together all these years.

For the last 25 years everyone has constantly told me I would marry my best friend that I would have the little white house and family playing on the green lawn. It always made Bella and I laugh because we always knew we were just friends, no matter how much I wished for that picture perfect future with Bella as my wife and the mother of my children I had to face the cold hard truth.

After 25 years of being in love with my best friend I had to get a grip on myself. Tonight I would tell my friends my secret, I just know they will be so happy for me, for us.

After my shower I dressed in jeans and a blue cotton button up ready to face the 5 chilli pepper hell that was my brothers cooking and make up for so much missed time with my friends.

You could hear the laughter coming from the warm spice scented house my brother lived "Honey I'm home!" before I could close the front door my nose was assaulted by strawberry scented mahogany curls as Bella jumped into my waiting arms.

Back slaps and hugs later we sat around the small table in the kitchen all begging for water after second helpings of a very spicy but very tasty chilli. "Emmett I missed your cooking, not your table manners but I did miss a good chilli and rice" I smiled as we all laughed at Emmett's stained shirt where the rice had escaped his fork.

"Everyone I have some exciting news!" Alice was now bouncing in her seat it was a miracle she had not told everyone her news before we sat down, normally Alice couldn't keep a secret for a minute not hours. "Last week this lady came into the studio to ask about me designing her some dresses, turns out it was only the editor of Style magazine and she wants to do a double page spread on me and my designs!"

We all began to cheer her and tell her congratulations the girls saying it was only a matter of time before the A list of Hollywood would be begging for a "Brandon" dress. It seemed like now was the perfect time to share my news.

"Guys! I'm getting married!"

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**There you have it guys, so what do you think?**

**Please review I want to know if I am on to a good one.**


	3. Chapter 3

_I can't break down…._

**You remember Billy Black?**

**Thank you for the reviews glad you guys like my start, there will be a few twists and I do know there are a lot of these type of friends falling in love stories on fan fic but I promise mine will have a twist ;)**

**I do not own Twilight**

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**Bella **

Rose and I both jumped up out of our places around the table hugging Alice telling her it was only a matter of time that the fashion world found her and how Julia Roberts or Nicole Kidman would soon be seen on Oscar night telling people she was wearing a "Brandon" vintage piece.

Everyone was chatting away so excitedly and laughing about how it was more of a shock that Alice had kept this news secret for over 48 hours. Alice could never keep a secret she would make you open your birthday present the day she bought it because she couldn't wait a day longer for you to see it.

While I was hugging Alice for the second time laughing at Rose saying she always knew Alice would take over the fashion world one dress design at a time I heard Edward clear his throat and in only 4 words brought the room to a crashing holt, " Guys I'm getting married"

All of a sudden everybody stopped talking, smiling and I think even breathing well I know I did. Then I was aware of 5 pairs of worried eyes all looking at me waiting for my reaction.

"wow that's, ummm that's" I could not make my brain work, I swallowed the now hard lump that seemed to be knotted in my throat and took a quick needed breathe "That's fantastic news you must be so happy" Crossing the little space between us I hugged my best friend taking a moment to fill my mind with his sweet scent and the feel of his strong arms around me.

"Thanks Bella, I am really happy. Just wait till you meet her. Tanya is great" Edward squeezed me again before the others all started to hug him or speak their congratulations. Standing there next to him I was very aware that Alice and Rose were both looking at me like they were waiting for something. I knew very well just what they were expecting and right now was not the time or the place for me to break down.

Forcing every ounce of strength I raised my wine glass to the toast of congratulations for Edward and Alice, taking a large mouthful of wine. My body was standing there in the presents of my friends acting like a good friend should smiling and sipping wine, but inside I was struggling to keep myself together. Tear's don't fall, eye's don't cry, pride don't cave in I kept on chanting the instructions over and over willing my body not to crumble.

"Tanya is Aro's daughter, he is on the hospital board and I met her 2 months ago when he asked me to take her to the hospital's "once in a life time" benefit. She is really smart and I just know you guys are going to love her" Edward smiled as he talked about his fiancée and as I looked at his dazzling smile I knew I just had to walk away before I broke down.

"Hey I need to go…… Marking to get done … and staff meeting in the morning Coach can't be late again Mr Banner will need more then my muffins to let me off this time." as I spoke I could see Edward frown he was obviously upset that had to leave he was probably pissed that his best friend didn't want to stay and drink to his wonderful Tanya. "Its great to have you home….. missed you …just a little" I gave Edward a quick hug before grabbing my coat from my dinner chair and wishing everyone a good night.

Alice and Rose followed me to the door I knew they both wanted to talk to me not believing for a single second in my excuses or my performance.

"Bella?" Alice sounded worried and Rose looked just as upset as Alice did. I could not make myself turn around and look my friends in the eyes, I knew I was lying to them.

"Its fine, I'm fine just need to get home. Lots to do." Moments later I threw my bag and myself into my old truck and drove away from my friends as fast as I could.

I made it to the high way before I had to pull the truck into the grassy lay by and throw open the door. My whole body shook as I tried to hold back the churning in my stomach. But was in vain as emotion won and the vomit violently ripped up from my body as I threw myself forward doubling over in agonising pain, down towards the ground unable to prevent my bodies alarming reaction.

The only sound to be heard from the grass bank that I now sat on, beside where pulled into, was my sobs and the sound from passing car's driving along the road.

Just this afternoon I had been so happy and almost giddy in the feeling that Edward was coming home. Now hours later I felt like I was hollow and nothing would ever bring that happy light feeling back.

It started to rain and I began to feel my jeans dampen from the grass, it must have been later now as there were no more cars passing along the road. The only thing waiting for me at home would be my paper work and some painful phone messages from Alice or worse Edward so rather then face an empty house I decided to go see Charlie.

Pulling up outside my childhood, home checking my face in the little rear view mirror, wiping away the last fallen tears, I was pleased I never wore make up often, otherwise Charlie would be able to tell in a second I had been crying.

Walking along the little path to the house I spotted the blue pick up that belonged to my father's best friend Billy Black. Billy lived in the small town by the beach and no matter how much I had grown over the years he always looked like a strong big man capable of making me feel like the tiny little girl who met him all those years ago.

"Bella, you remember Billy Black? You met his daughters at camp Rachel and Rebecca." I was 17 years old and it had been 10 years before that I met Billy's daughters at the 3 week long summer camp. Charlie made me go saying I needed to get away and learn to make more friends. Those 3 weeks were the longest I ever had, they made me shyer and the only thing I learned was how to write letters home to my friends there. Billy held my tiny hand in his and I remember being shocked at how easily his huge hand swallowed mine.

Billy moved into the little town bringing his only son Jacob Black with him. Jacob was 2 years younger then me and already much taller then I was. Billy and Charlie were firm friends often going fishing together on his tin bucket of a boat sometimes taking Jake with them and they would bring home more fish then I knew what to do with. Jacob was a sweet kid but he attended a different school and had other friends so we never saw each other.

Opening the old wooden door I heard the sports results coming from the sitting room and when I popped my head into the darkened room I noticed 3 heads all facing the flat screen. My fathers head was easily recognised his being the only one thinning and short hair, Billy had thick long black hair pulled in to a ponytail, the other shorter black hair belonged to someone I did not know. I coughed and let the guys know I was standing in the door way, they had been to interest in the football results to hear my entrance.

"Bells? What's wrong?" Charlie stood up from the worn brown couch quicker then I had ever seen him move, I guess it was a little late in the night for me to have just popped in. "Nothing just been over to Rose and Emm's and I didn't want to end the night just yet. Thought I might join my dad for a beer is all"

Walking to the fridge I grabbed the cold can of drink and rejoined the men in the other room, the lamp on the table next to the chair had been switched on and it lit the room in a better light then just the screen. Billy was sitting in the leather arm chair my father usually took and I sat down on the couch the opposite end to Charlie. Taking a shy look over the top of my drink I took in the other guy sitting down in front on the fire place.

He was very big almost as built as Emmett, his skin was dark and his hair was as black as Billy's, in his face I felt like I knew him. Just as I was looking at his defined jaw line his eyes looked back at mine and he smiled, warmth radiated from his eyes and I knew him right away.

"Jacob? Oh my gosh look at you. What did you do eat like a whole cow?" Jacob rose up off the floor and wrapped me in to his muscular arms, he was so warm and I felt myself relax into his warmth as it reached my frozen bones, _must have been colder then I thought sitting on the bank I mused feeling my body warm up._

"Hey Bella, it's been a long time. You look good; your dad was just telling me your working at the school, English teacher right?" I nodded and smiled back at him and there was something so sweet about his face, the little boy who used to follow my dad around on the boat was still there in his eyes.

"Yeah teaching, it's going well. The kids are getting good marks so I must be doing something right. What about you?" We were now sitting on the couch together facing each other. Jacob picked up his beer from the floor and began to tell me about his work restoring old classic cars and how he was moving back to town after travelling the last 10 years.

He had been to some of the most interesting places; he told me how his favourite place was a small tribal village where he learn all the old legends of Indian tribes and how he was tracing own history back to the tribe.

It was only when Charlie stood up and turned off the flat screen that I noticed it was really late, Billy was already putting on his jacket and thanking Charlie for the night while the pair made plans to go fishing this weekend.

"Jake its late son. Maybe you and Bella could make a date to catch up? Over dinner or something?" Billy looked at us and winked at Charlie. "Cool dad real smooth" Jacob stood up from the couch and I followed him to the kitchen to put our empty cans on the drainer. I did hear Billy whisper something about "Just keeping it real son" as I followed Jacob to the blue pick up.

Before he opened the heavy truck door Jacob turned to me and spoke quietly, I am sure it was to save Billy or Charlie hearing, "Anyway before the pair of gossiping old women in there interfered I was going to ask if you wanted to meet up at this bar by the beach, they have great burgers" I was no where near ready to be dating in fact I have never had a boyfriend ever, before I could politely decline his offer Jacob took my hand in his and smiled kindly.

"Maybe you can tell me about whom or what has made you look so broken. We can do the whole "I'll show you my scars if you show me yours?" His little "tit for tat" line made me smile and I agreed to meet with him tomorrow night at the bar by the beach.

After the guys had driven away I went back into the little house and sat with Charlie in the sitting room, "Everything ok Bells?" I looked over to the chair my dad was sitting in and nodded, one of the best things about Charlie was he never pushed me, but if I needed him I knew I could talk to him about anything.

We sat together quietly chatting about work, I told him about the schools forth coming drama production and he told me about his new highway patrol officers. Soon it was really late and I could not put off going back to my empty house so I hugged my father good night and braced myself ready to listen to the phone messages I knew were waiting on my machine.

The pain that had lessened while in my fathers warm comforting home soon returned and I wondered if I ever would forget this pain.

As I walked towards my small and practical kitchen I pressed the flashing red button on my machine in the hallway, poured myself a glass of water as the robotic voice filled the air, "You have 5 new messages……"

What a surprise I thought sadly sitting on my soft couch gabbing my couch cushion pulling it tightly to my chest trying to hold myself together before I finally caved in and let my tears fall.

Sometime later the exhaustion from my tears took me to darkness.

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**Poor Bella. Wonder what scars Jake will have to show her in return?**

**Please review as always I love hearing your thoughts.**

**Can I also thank my lovely friend SKB30 for helping me get this right for you, she totally rocks! **


	4. Chapter 4

_Catch a falling star 'an put it in your pocket…._

"**I love a happy ending, they are so rare"****(Aro New Moon)**

**I do not own Twilight **

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**Edward **

The whole room came to a crashing silence Bella turned away from facing a now very quiet Alice and faced me. Looking into her chocolate brown eyes I could see a register of emotions flash through them. As I looked at Bella I could feel every emotion everyone was now looking at me, just as I knew they would but out of every one of my beloved friends here only her opinion mattered.

Looking at my best friend I could count the breaths rising and falling from her chest in quick succession., Bella has never been able to lie and I could read her like the open book she hated being. Just as I was about to cut through this god awful tension, Bella took another quick breath before speaking. As if she was shaking away her train of thought and replacing the words that formed in her head, she hesitated before her lips parted and the words jolted out sparsely, "Wow that's, ummm... that's" she seemed to be in shock; I guess it was to be expected it really had all happened rather fast. I could see her mind ticking away and her lips hesitating further as she bit them trying to hide any form of expression from ghosting across her face. "That's fantastic news." She continued, "You must be so happy."

Before I could answer Bella wrapped herself into my arms. Once again I took my chance to relish in the feeling of holding her close, it had felt too long since I last had her there and I have missed the feeling greatly. "Thanks Bella, I am really happy." The words exited my dry mouth just as I had rehearsed them, "Just wait till you meet her. Tanya is great."

Emmett found me next, his giant strong hand slapping me firmly and sharply between my shoulder blades almost winding me with his power, his congratulations meant almost as much as Bella's to me. Alice hugged me warmly, talking sweetly of joining the "Club" and Jasper tipped his beer towards me, a quiet gesture of congratulations. Maybe it was my relief in finally sharing my news with my friends or maybe it was everyone's unexpected gentle best wishes that surprised me but I just felt like something was "off", the only person to react in a way I had been prepared for was Rosalie. Seeing as her and Emmett had yet to set a date I was prepared for her "pissy" little attitude and cold shoulder, but even her reaction now seemed just as wrong, she was just looking at me coolly almost expressionless.

Emmett refilled everyone's glass with the wine from the cooler and raised a toast to me and Alice. Sipping my wine I couldn't help but spot Bella taking a rather large gulp of her wine, it was not let her to be so greedy with drink and I found this behaviour slightly confusing too. Jasper soon took my attention away from my best friends concerning behaviour with questions about Tanya.

"Hey I need to go…… Marking to get done … and staff meeting in the morning Coach" Bella placed her half drunken glass on the black granite work top while pointing at Emmett, "and can't be late again Mr. Banner will need more then my muffins to let me off this time." Bella then turned to face me giving me a brief hug, adding a quiet remark about her missing me before she grabbed her small jacket from the back of the dinner chair and swung her bag swiftly over her shoulder. Moving faster then anyone of us had time to register what she was saying or doing Bella gave the room a quick awkward wave before almost running down the hallway towards the front door.

Alice and Rose both flew out of the kitchen hot on her heels, calling Bella back as they went down the narrow hallway. "Well I'd ask what the hell all that was about but I know Alice is going to spend the next few hours giving me a replay. So marriage, big step. Took me years to finally accept my fate and Emmett is still fighting his, so begs the question why your moving so fast, not pregnant is she?" Jasper was looking at me with his stealing cool gaze. Jasper always has been able to read the emotions of a room and right now even Emmett the group's most unaware member whose emotional range is that of a "cave man" was looking at me oddly. "No! God no, Tanya and I are many moons away from having kids, if ever having them. We just, you know found each other, it works and a wedding is happy blessing, something to be shared with the ones you love."

2 months ago when I first met Tanya we clicked, there was something we found in each other, a quiet peace if you will. After some ill fated Tequila shots sitting in the hospital gardens we found ourselves drunk, sitting on hard cold grass bearing our souls. It was then I realized maybe for the first time I had found the person to share the one part of myself I just couldn't with Bella.

"Emmett you should have told us you had a meeting in the morning" Alice and Rose had returned from saying good night to Bella, I noticed Alice's tone had taken on a harsher edge as she spoke. "You must have stuff to get together as well."

Alice was starting to gather her things and handed her coat to Jasper to assist her with it. It was my cue to leave as well, it was still early and maybe mum would be home by now from the hospital, I had yet to tell her and dad my recent happy news, best it came from me then Emmett or god forbid a jealous Rosalie looking for a way to release her insecurities.

"Nope that's what through me, we had the meeting on Monday" Emmett was looking as confused as ever, scratching his head, "Bella will be pissed tomorrow when she finds herself alone in the staff room, with only principle Banner to talk onion roots with." Emmett laughed as he found his thoughts funny. Draining the last few sips of beer from his bottle, before helping Rosalie clear the table.

Rosalie began filling the metal sink with hot water, turning the tap on so the water gushed aggressively from the spout. Like Jasper I put on my grey jacket ready to leave, "Humm, well knowing Bella she just wanted to make a start on her classes. You know lesson planning for the term or something, thanks for the wicked chilli bro and I'll call into the gym tomorrow lunchtime. Maybe we can shoot some hoops, coach? Show your boys how good you were back in the day" Emmett agreed to a little one on one and with a final good night I left. _Strange, Alice no longer seemed to be in a hurry to leave. _I thought to myself,_ oh well I guess I had delivered quite the topic for a late night private drink. _

My drive home seemed quiet and my mood had become more sombre, only a few hours ago I was speeding along the busy highway excited and happy to be home, wishing away the minutes till I saw my loved ones. How strange your night can change in mere moments, I was now driving home feeling heavier and almost tired. Taking the longer way home I passed some old haunts and when I spotted the old Swan house I noticed Bella's rust bucket of vintage bolts. Her red Chevrolet truck was parked outside the path way on the main road and when I slowed down I noticed the police cruiser, there was a newer blue pick up parked in the drive way behind it. _Guess Bella was in a hurry to visit the chief and his guests. _I thought to myself.

Looking up at the house I noticed the lounge was lit in a low glow, I could tell the television was on so gathered the chief was watching a game. Just before I pulled away I gave the warmly lit window a final glance, Bella walked past the window at that moment and what looked like a tall, bulky framed body followed her. _Huh, maybe she was keen to get away from Emmett's to spend time with Charlie's guests, _the thought crossed my mind and made a small knot form in my chest, as I explored the idea of Bella wanting to spend time with who ever it was following her, rather than spending the night catching up with me.

Driving up the gravel drive I parked next to mum's beige VW beetle convertible, why dad ever let her have the bug is lost on me but she loved her little "Herby". Dad's black Mercedes was carefully parked under the protection of the car port on the other side of her little love bug.

Opening the glass front door I could hear my mothers laughter coming from the kitchen, hanging my coat over the side of the love seat in the hallway I opened the swinging kitchen door and watched my father spinning my mother around the island work block singing some Sinatra, "Edward my son, home at long last" Carlisle stopped when he noticed me leaning against the white frame doorway, "My baby boy!" my mothers vice hug of love knocked the breath out of me, I guess it had been too long since I visited, "Home sweet home" I smiled as I lifted my tiny mother off her feet and continue the dance from before.

Sitting at the breakfast bar eating peanut butter cookies and drinking tea my father began to update me on the hospital's daily running, what areas I should expect less than smooth running or staff shortages. My mother was sitting across from me smiling contently listening to my father talk passionately about the hospital; I could tell she was pleased to have me home.

"There's something going on" Mother was looking into my eyes with an "all seeing power" that always scared me, "You've not told us something, it's something big. Life changing….a house?" Then I saw her gasp and sit up in her knowledge "It's a girl!" my point was proved, 4 years living away from home and this woman can still read me like a book.

Mother just always had this way of knowing when something huge was going down, she knew when Emmett was sneaking out to see Rose when we were 15. He'd make me sit in his room talking to myself in a half sad effort to try and make it sound like he was home. The whole time the cheeky git was grabbing a feel under Rosalie's shirt. My reward for helping Casanova? A lesson, "How to remove a bra, in two simple steps" Just by using 2 paper clips and piece of shoe lace as a training aid.

Oh yes I was trained in the art of seduction by the best, forget wooing a lady with poetry, music and flowers, no, no I can knock together a bra using 2 paper cups, a boot lace and some paper clips. Just what the ladies look for in a man.

Looking at my parent's expectant faces I told them all about meeting Tanya and her father Aro, "I remember Tanya now. Such a beautiful young lady and very polite, we met her when we attended Aro's 50th birthday dinner, do you remember Carlisle?" my mother was waiting for my father to remember, "Yes my love I do remember, Aro has always spoke so proudly of his only child. Please tell me son you formally requested Tanya's hand from him Edward? Aro is one of the most traditional men I have become acquainted with over my years in this profession." My father was right in his evaluation of Tanya's father. Aro was a proud, traditional and religious man. I learnt a lot from him in my early months working my residency under his instruction, his old fashion and stubborn practices challenged my fellow doctors on a daily basis. I have learnt many skills from him, most of them no longer taught in modern medicine but coming from experience in stead of new age practices.

"Naturally Aro and I have spoken on the subject, in great detail. It was Aro who introduced me to Tanya, he was rather concerned, he feared his daughter would never find a man he felt to be worthy of her" My father nodded satisfied I had handled my proposal respectfully. My mother smiled as I answered some more of her questions about Tanya, she wanted to learn more about her newest daughter, and it was a relief to hear how easily they would accept Tanya in my life.

Looking at the little red digits on the oven counter we all agreed it was getting late, I promised to visit the hospital in the morning and introduce myself to my department before joining Emmett for lunch at the high school. Placing my tea cup and plate in the sink I stood still, looking out of the window over the drainer, my old tree house and rope swing where still housed in the oak tree.

"Do you remember that sleep over you and Bella had when you were 9 years old?" My mother was standing beside me also staring at the little wooden structure; I smiled as the memory came back. "You both begged and pleaded to be allowed to spend the night in your club house. I was so worried about you both sleeping high up in that shabby old hut, it was your father's promise that broke me down and let you have your own way. He held me by the shoulders and looking at me straight on and said, "Esme trust me, its meant to rain later tonight if I know our son he will be running back to our warm bed before the first drops hit the leaves" Carlisle was proven correct when little after 10 that night a storm hit and I found you gently climbing into my side of the bed." I started to laugh at her memory, I did remember it well. "Do you remember how Bella refused to come inside?" My mother was laughing too now as we both remembered what it took to get Bella to come in doors "It took the lure of hot chocolate and cookies to get that child to come down. Even then she was so stubborn and strong minded; I still picture that strong willed little girl sitting up there wrapped in her purple star covered sleeping bag shaking with the cold. Have you shared your news with Bella?" I turned away from the window and faced my mother "Yes, I told everyone over at Emmett's and Rose's tonight. They were shocked but happy for me" My mother's face saddened ever so slightly. "You told Bella in front of the others?" It seemed like a strange question to ask, I could feel the crease deepen between my eye brows "Yes, I kind of bit the bullet and shared the news with everyone after Alice shared hers, it just seemed like it was the perfect moment" My face must have asked for her reasons in question as my mother kissed my forehead and smoothed away the mark. "I only ask because it seemed to be the kind of news you and Bella would have shared alone, just like you always used to with your secret club house meetings and silent conversations.

"Was Bella pleased for you?" Still standing in the same spot I could only nod my response to her question, "Well then you really have received everyone's blessing"

Still standing in the cool aired kitchen I watched my mother follow the same path as my father had minutes before with a final hushed whisper we wished each other goodnight.

It was late but not too late to make a call to her, taking my phone out of my back pocket I pressed her contact and felt deflated to hear her voice mail pick up, "Hi this is Bella Swan, sorry I missed you call, please leave me a quick message and I promise I will call you back, BEEP." Taking a breath I left her message, it fit perfectly with my recent revisit to old memories.

"Hey it's me, "Ice Fang". Just wanted to say a proper good night, I'm home and standing in the kitchen looking at headquarters of "Ice Fang" and "Apple Girl" remembering our secret meetings. You remember how we started each meeting pledging to always tell each other our secrets before telling the gang? Well I guess I broke our oath tonight by springing my little news on you….." I wondered as I spoke about our old childhood pinkie sworn promises, if that could explain Bella's strange hurried exit, "Sorry Apple girl… I promise to retake my vowel as soon as you can come over and swear me back into the club; I have hot chocolate and cookies…. Night Bella, love you"

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**Sorry for the late update, the VMA's never helped nor did that super yummy trailer. How fast can we make time go if we all wish for it at the same time?**

**Bella, Jake and school up next!**

**Please review and leaver your thoughts! **

**Miss Sheena (SKB30) thank you for being one wicked Beta!!!!! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair!**

**Sometimes you're a little strange Bella. Do you know that? ****Jacob Black, New Moon**

**I do not own Twilight **

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**Bella (aka Apple girl!) **

"Sorry Apple girl… I promise to retake my vowel as soon as you can come over and swear me back into the club; I have hot chocolate and cookies…. Night Bella, love you" The old machine could not take away the smooth velvet sound of my Edward, as his voice message echoed through the room bringing an almost masochistic comfort. He had been thinking about our old club house, the idea of him standing there in Esme's kitchen looking out over her beautiful garden and thinking about our silly little super hero club made the hole in my chest rip open further, I barely heard the robotic voice announce the final message as it played over my hardened sobs.

"Bella, please ring or text one of us'. We love you and just need to know your ok." Jaspers soft southern voice crooned through the hollow speaker. They must all be worried if they made Jasper ring me. For some reason Jasper has always been the one to read my emotions so easily, Edward could read my face and body langue like I was an open book but Jasper had this way of knowing how I was feeling. Over the years of our friendship Jasper has been there to help me through the worries or stress of many trying issues. When Charlie was shot while on duty many years ago it was Jasper who just by touching my shoulder made me relax into a deep sleep after spending hours sitting on that hard green plastic hospital chair.

My eyes were hurting and I could already feel the beginning of a cry induced headache. I pulled myself away from my soft couch I walked to the kitchen and poured a cool glass of water from the tap, flipped open my mobile phone to send a mass text. **Just got home. All is good. Night x **I hit send and turned it off. Walked down the hallway towards the stairs turned out the lights and climbed the stairs hoping my dreams could take away the empty pain aching in my chest.

"Good morning Miss Swan, how nice to find my head of English here early and keen to start the day. All those eager minds to teach, we really do have the best job would you not agree?" Mr Banner had arrived in the staff room a few minutes after I had poured the much needed coffee into my mug. He had been the biology teacher when I attended the high school with the gang, even back then he had this passion for teaching and the only thing to decrease over the many years has been his hair line. Emmett and Mr Banner had always been close it was Mr Banner that got Emmett his job straight out of college after a knee injury put a stopper in his promising football career. In turn it was Emmett who convinced Mr Banner to give me, a young English major, the job as head of English.

"We are some of the luckier ones, although on a day like today when I have the seniors and half the cheer squad to teach first period, I wish I took that job serving cocktails on a private Island just outside Rio." My attempt to sound light and cheerful failed to even convince me, Mr Banner smiled and gave me a pity chuckle before taking his coffee cup and leaving the room. When I finally gave up on the attempt to sleep at 4 am this morning I took my tired over stressed body for a nice long soak in the tub using plenty of my favourite Fuchsia bubble bath Rose had got me last Christmas, but a hour later, water cold and bubbles popped I still could not find rest or switch off my mind.

The coffee was good and warmed me as it travelled through my aching body. My lessons were planned and all I had left to do was set up was my second period class with the juniors. Making my way around the empty hallways towards my classroom I took the time to call into the main school office. Angela the school receptionist was always here early to collect the absent messages called in by parents or students. Over the time I had taught here she had become a great allay and friend against the evil witches in the Drama department, we often took off for lunch together in the grounds and exchange stories of the latest school gossip. Unlike Miss Malory or Mrs Cope Angela was never spiteful or bitchy, instead we could share a giggle over the latest male student or substitute teacher to fail in their mission to impress the Cheer leaders.

"Hey Bella" Angela was hutched over the wooden reception desk filling out some visitor forms for the guest speaker in today's language class. When the gentleman had sign the book and pinned on his badge Mr Banner escorted him out of the office toward the language block. "Morning" at my pitiful tired voice Angela lifted her gaze away from her paper work and _really_ looked at me. I already knew I looked puffy eyed and pale from the lack of sleep and her reaction only confirmed my earlier observation.

"Wow, Bella you look like hell. If you're sick you should ditch, I can call in a sub for today." Angela was only being the good friend and co worker that she is, I was never one to hide away or let my personal life affect my professional. I knew I am stubborn, pig headed and strong willed, even when most people would be hospitalised for influenza I would be the kind of person to call it a sniffle and still continue with my day.

"No need I just had a hard time shutting off my head and getting some sleep last night, really I'm fine and I have my best friend coffee to help kick my butt into action." I lifted my cup up to show her the large steaming drink, tilting my head towards my savour. "I have the class from hell this morning; ugh you don't fancy teaching the cheer squad Kipling this morning?" Angela started to giggle and shook her head at me, she knew just how bad my morning was going to be, the football team had a big game on Friday against the rival school and none of the team or their cheer squad would be willing to leave the game talk outside my classroom. "Good luck with that Miss Swan!" Angela shouted after me as I left her giggling in the office.

"Good afternoon Miss Stanley, how wonderful of you to join us" The bell rung 15 minutes ago and the blonde "peppy" cheer captain had only just found her way to my class. "Sorry Miss Swan, major music meltdown and I had to find some new tracks for practice at lunch time" Jessica played out her over dramatic movements as she set down her books and took her seat behind the small wooden desk. "Not that I expect you to understand the importance of getting the right motivational track." She turned to her class mate a fellow cheerleader, rolling her eyes. "We all know that the book people just don't get it." She added as she flicked her blonde hair out of her collar. "Thank god for Coach Cullen he's cool and totally gets it" I choose to ignore her actions and comment as she crossed her legs and lent forwards towards the captain of the football team. As always Emmett was the cool teacher and held in ever high regard by our student body, turning my back on my class I continued with the morning's lesson.

Looking at my watch I notice that our hour was finally coming to a close, "Before you all go I really want to stress to you guys that making you read this stuff is not a form of torture. Yes there is a great game coming and yes we want to win." My students all mumbled their half hearted responses as they copied down the day's homework I had written on the board. The bell rang and as I watched my class filter through the door in to the crowed hall way. I stopped Jessica on her exit, "I'm not a total geek, I was once a student and believe it or not Miss Stanley I may have a few kick ass tracks on my dusty old I- pod you could look through" Opening my brown leather bag I pulled out my purple iPod and offered it to her, almost as a form of peace offering. It has always been a pet hate of mine that someone think they know the kind of person I am just by the way I dress or appear on the surface, so by letting Jessica browse my play lists I hoped she may think this "Book person" did get it.

"Wow thanks Miss Swan" Jessica said sarcastically as she took my iPod from my open hand. A few seconds passed and I took great pleasure watching her eyebrows raise and her face change as she quickly scrolled down the tracks. "No way! You have some awesome tunes here; you like some really cool bands….I never had you down as being this cool." I snorted at her obvious surprise, like everyone my pod carried a range of tunes from Debussy to Blink 182, from 70's to Hip Hop.

"You know when I was at school one of my best friends was the captain of the cheer squad, and my other friend and I always helped her find music to fit the games." I could not help the giggle that came easily as I remembered the way Alice always styled the squad while I found Rose her tracks. Emmett of course being the football jock almost died that first day when Rose wore her cheer uniform to school, if I was remembering it correctly I think Eric Yorkie did come close to dying after Emmett spotted him looking at Rose too long and trying to give her his number. "Really, you helped out the squad? I can't imagine you part of the 'in' crowd, you always seem so stiff in school it's like you think cheer leading, drama and all the fun stuff is beneath you." Jessica was as little free with her words as she was still working her way through my iPod and her impression of me made me more upset then it should of. _Did the student body really think I was so stiff and too self important to enjoy the school sprit?_

"How about Miss Stanley, this lunchtime I'll become an honorary cheerleader and join you girls for practice?" Her face was now one of complete shock that quickly turned to one of humour as she no doubt planned on inviting the entire senior year to watch my performance. "Really you'll complete like a whole routine and everything? Any track I choose?" I smiled and nodded my conformation, "But there is a catch. If I complete the routine, you have to read a short story I pick for you. It will help you complete your end of year course work and I think it will surprise you in its flavour." Ok so I was trying to change not just her opinion of me but also her preference of reading material.

"It's a short story, no more then like 200 pages right?" Jessica looked at me as though I was the old witch offering Snow White the poisoned apple, again I nodded as I turned and wiped away my board notes ready to write up my next class. "Miss Swan you have a deal, dance studio in the gym… lunchtime." Jessica spun around on her designer heels and began to exit my class, before closing the door I heard her say "Oh my god, wait till I tell Katie……"

The rest of my morning classes went smoothly and I found myself sitting at my desk in silence as my juniors worked quietly on their book reviews, silence was a bad thing. It gave me my mind time to think, about him.

All this time and all these years I let myself believe there was going to be this magic moment; this all enlightened moment, all fireworks moment when Edward would see _me_, not Bella the book worm, not apple girl his best friend and superhero side kick and not the little shy mouse that hid behind her hair praying the world would look past her. No there was meant to be this lightening bolt, spine tingling, earth shattering moment when he finally saw _me_ as his everything. He was meant to open his eyes and take the forever I wanted to give him with me.

"Miss Swan?" the quiet voice of my student pulled my thoughts back to the present and to my empty classroom. My eyebrows creased as I registered my students had left my lesson. "The bell rang like 5 minutes ago and everyone just left but you never seemed to notice and you look awfully pale, are you sick Miss?" Looking blankly into Emily's worried face I realised I had shut down again. Shaking my head and standing up from my desk I cleared my throat and led Emily from my class room. "No its ok. I really just have a lot on my mind. As you must as well with half term paper's approaching. Thank you Emily for your kind concern. You should make your way to lunch before there is nothing left." I patted her shoulder and closed my classroom door being sure to lock it before walking away from Katie in the direction of the dance studio. I spent the whole walk to my lunchtime activity asking myself why I was so stubborn and hell bend on changing what the student body thought of me.

Looking at myself in the dance studio mirror I closed my eyes as I tired to push down my nerves and forced myself to "get a grip" and show these girls just what their "book person" Miss Swan was made of. Jessica and the rest of the squad had insisted I wear the school colours and found me a uniform - that was a challenge in its self putting on the skirt and tiny tank top.

"Lets keep it simple, I want to show Miss Swan our easy stuff once before letting her have a go." There it was again that smug little face and the tone that was mocking me yet again. Come hell or high water I was going to show these MTV, lip gloss wearing Barbie dolls just how wrong their were. "Ready girls…1, 2, 3, 4…" Jessica and her squad ran through their routine, and before I knew it they were done. After watching the girls dance out one of their more simple routines I felt confident in my ability.

Jessica reset the music and I held my pompoms by my side as we marched out to the beat. We started to jump to the beat and I found myself smiling and laughing as I tried in vain to keep up with the girls, bumping into each of them and joining in with their giggles as they encouraged me on.

Jessica was laughing and when I caught her eyes in the mirror showing us our rehearsal she gave me an honest smile and in that moment I knew I had changed her opinion of the "stiff" Miss Swan. What perhaps surprised me the most was how I changed my view of her and the rest of the squad, these girls were fit and you had to admire their dedication to the football team and each other.

The end of the song finally boomed out of the sound system, and I even managed to finish the routine doing the splits, those years of yoga in an attempt to get over my "clumsy" stage paying off. "Wow Miss Swan!" The girls all jumped up patting my back and laughing as I stood up and doubled over in a vain attempt to regain my breath.

"Miss Stanley I love the new addition to your squad, but since when did we lift the upper age limit?" The booming voice could only belong to one man and that one man alone now had his new material for the many months of embarrassing dinners where he would retell this moment, with actions and details my burning blushes.

"Well I was just showing the girls here my school spirit…." I replied turning to address my tormentor. Suddenly I froze as the flash of bronze hair stepped from behind Emmett to face me. Edward was looking at me with that crooked smile and the newly found light feeling left my body with a whoosh, and my cheeks burned hotter as I realised he had been there watching me the whole time. Edwards smile spread even further and I could hear the giddy whispers from Jessica as she took notice of his "dazzling" good looks. How can I blame her when he dazzles me often and I have had 20 something years to grown immune.

"What are you doing here?" my voice sounded harsh and accusing from my hurt and embarrassed feelings. "Bella it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." Edward answered me with a slight smug tone to his otherwise warm and velvet voice. For what felt like hours we stood there forgetting Emmett, the cheerleading squad and half the football team, who had now appeared from behind the doorway.

"You girls are doing an awesome job; our boys would never make the half way line with out you. Keep it up girls and can I ask you try to recruit Mrs Cope? What with her lusty legs in a skirt as a reward for a touch down there will be no stopping the team!" Emmett's roaring laughter echoed off the studio walls bringing me back into the present. Shaking my head to remove the vision of the schools oldest staff member in a rara skirt I smiled at Jessica and the rest of the students. "Thank you for helping me find my school sprit Miss Stanley, now I trust you will up hold your end of our deal. See you girls tomorrow second period." I nodded my good bye and pushed rather hastily past Emmett and Edward toward the girl's locker room, praying I could change and make it to my classroom before Edward had time or the chance to speak to me.

"Bella! Wait…wow slow down." Edward shouted to me before I made it to the locker room door, my heart ached as I knew I had no other choice but to stop and speak with him. "Hey, Edward I am sorry but lunch is almost over and I have to change, set up for my next classes and I really need to grab something to eat." _Like you have been able to even face food since last night I thought to myself_. The silly idea of even trying to face the lunch room food made a sarcastic smile creep over my face. "I won't keep you, just do you fancy grabbing some pizza and warm beers with your old superhero friend?" Edward looked at me with a bright smile on his face and it made the hole in my chest ache even more. Part of me wanted to say yes and call Jake telling him I was stuck marking papers tonight, but the self preservation part of my brain reminded me of my sob filled night hugging the pillows of my bed just begging for a way out from the pain.

"Can't, I… Jake…" As I tried to make my words make sense my heart was still warring with my head. "Jake really wants to take me to this bar by the beach. He's just come home from this amazing trip and last night, when I called into Charlie's he was there and we got talking and…" My words came pouring out of my mouth faster then Alice talking about a sale in Gucci, the moment I mentioned Jake taking me to a bar Edwards face turned to stone. He and Jake had never liked one another or been happy to spend time together, in the times they had been in the same room as each other at Charlie's it was like a silent war.

"Well another time then." Edwards voice was clipped and his tone as hard as his face. "Just be careful and don't do anything reckless, that boy has a way of leading you into things that are not good for you."

That right then was the final straw, something snapped in me at that moment. Of course Edward would remember the one time I hurt myself with Jake, we had been messing around on the rope swing when while swinging high Jake leapt off the seat landing gracefully on his feet. I was 12 and it looked so easy and so much fun I tried to do the same thing, it resulted in a trip to Carlisle's office for 5 stitches. Edward was so mad and blamed Jake for the whole thing saying if he was there he would never have let me hurt myself doing some stupid dog trick. Yet again everyone thought they knew me or what was best for me and just like this morning when Jessica started mumbling about me not "getting it" I wanted to prove him wrong.

"Well I'm a big girl now, maybe its time I broke away from being some china doll. Its time I moved on and lived my life. Alice is going forward; you're getting married….." The word married made my fragile body shudder as the bile raised in my throat. "It's time I stopped wasting time and …….. Lived!" My voice came out firmer, and the more I spoke the more the level of conviction grew in me. I barged the heavy locker room door open and stormed through the room to the lockers. Once there I threw off the silly tight outfit and pulled back on my work clothes, stopping by the mirror after to wash my face and tidy up the hay stack my brown curls had arranged themselves into.

The rest of my school day past without another heart ripping reminder of Edward; I even avoided Emmett by pretending to be in deep discussion with the chair of the school book club, although I did feel bad when I spotted him waiting for me by the library door. He liked to walk me to my car and talk about our day, but after last night and today I just could not bring myself to face him. Instead I just gave him the "go on with out me, I'm going to be here a while" face, and Emmett just smiled somewhat weakly and left. I waited in the library and after peering out the window to make sure his jeep had left the staff parking lot I drove home to quickly shower and dress ready to meet Jake.

The whole time I dressed I had to keep forcing myself to move forward, each button I fixed I had to tell myself not to undo it, pull on my sweats and hide back under my duvet, giving in to the black hole in my chest.

_Well I may not want to be here but I made it. In body but not sprit._ My thoughts pushed me out of the truck cab and pushed me into the noisy bar. Over the busy dinner tables, servers and locals drinking bottles of Vite-R, I spotted Jake sitting at the dark wood bar. He was talking to a beautiful dark haired woman who was pouring out two glasses of coke. Her body was turned to the side but I could see her smiling back at him as she laughed at what ever Jake was telling her, just when I thought about running back to my comforting pillows and the waiting black hole Jake looked up and called to me. His face broke out into the warmest smile; it was like the sun breaking through heavy clouds on a winter's day. Slowly I walked over and on reaching him Jake pulled me into a body crushing hug that could rival Emmett's and I let his happy "sunny" nature warm me.

"Bella Swan meet Leah Clearwater." Jake introduced me to the beauty behind the bar. Leah gave me a friendly smile, although it seemed reserved. "Nice to meet you." Her voice was husky, no doubt the result from many nights serving in the dark bar, she picked up the glasses she had poured and turned away from us to deliver the beverages.

"That's the one who broke my heart..." Jake's soft spoken whisper behind me forced me to turn away from watching Leah's retreating form and back to him. "So you ready to tell me who broke yours?" Looking into those dark lash framed eyes I lost the tiny grip I had newly found, the tears tickled my cheeks as I felt my chest fold inwards. "He's getting married…… He doesn't want me……"

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**Please review, I love hearing your thoughts. **

**Thank you to my wonderful beta, I know I keep telling you guys she's wicked but SKB30 really is awesome. **


	6. Chapter 6

_Don't tempt me too far, wolf. My patience isn't _that_ perfect._

_What wouldn't I give to be able to see into your mind for just this one moment._

**I do not own Twilight **

**Thank you to my beta, SKB30 who as ever whips these chapters into the magic they are.**** Read and review pretty please xxxx**

**Edward **

"So how did they take your news?" Her voice was as soft and I found the sense of comfort I found in it all those years ago when I first met her. Tanya's voice had a feminine quality, and in a way just like Bella's, her smooth tones always brought me a sense of calm and relax. Maybe not quite as much as Bella's did, but enough to settle my anxiousness when needed.

"Really well. My mother figured it out right away, but my father just worried I could have disrespected Aro. Emmett and Jasper both asked if you were pregnant, just like our co-workers did; and the girls seemed really shocked but happy." Tanya laughed quietly as I became very out of breath as I explained how our predictions of people's reactions were in fact bang on.

"And Bella?" Tanya of course would be most interested in her reaction over the others. It was the one reaction that mattered the most to me. "Bella was happy..." I thought back on her reaction when hearing my news and yeah she was happy...even if she did look a little 'deer in the headlights', she seemed happy. "She's happy as long as I am happy." I explained to Tanya... "Like I keep telling you she just wants her friends to be happy. I never really got a chance to chat with her much as she had to leave early...something about lesson plans and meeting this morning...but I'm going to play some ball with Emmett at lunch time so I'll catch her then." That appeared to give Tanya food for thought as she grew quiet. Her tone became tired, but still warm nevertheless as she filled me in on her day.

"Irina is picking out her dress later today. I think she's going to be the most beautiful bridesmaid ever seen, most definitely upstaging the bride." I could hear the smile evident in her voice. "As if that would be possible." I replied and her laughter made me smile. Tanya was a very attractive woman, tall and slim. Her blonde hair was always groomed into perfection, her style very formal and together. It suited her and her work on the hospital charity board which meant hours of meetings with the board or press.

"Well how can I argue with my wise and charming _husband_." Her tone still light and playful as we laughed together. "I visited with father last night; he's doing well and asked me to pass on his sympathy at how the Hawke's are whipping your mariner's butts. He said I should be sure to inform his favourite son and doctor of their success." This was Aro teasing for sure. His team were my teams biggest competition, baseball was one of the things we shared a passion for. The rest of our conversation was spent chatting about Aro and my passing on my congratulations at his teams "premature" victory.

"Well Irina just pulled into the drive; she's going to throw a fit if I am not ready. Shall I visit at the end of next week? Meet the "in-laws" and my new friends?" I could already hear Irina in the hallway calling out "Hi Edward!" and so we ended our call with plans for Tanya to fly in next Friday night.

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"Edward you're on fire! What the hell has your panties in a knot?" Emmett wiped away the beads of sweat from his forehead with his shirt. We had been playing some heavy one on one basketball for the last 20 minutes. "What's wrong coach, you a little out of shape?" I teased as the smirk spread further across my face firing up the jock in my big brother.

"Oh no you did not just start trash talking me. Eddie 2 feet in." Emmett had walked off to the side of the court and pulled out a bottle of water from his bag. His face was not its usual mocking expression instead he looked serious and a little painful. "You know everyone has always written me off as the dumb one out of us all, the jack ass who never notices stuff." I raised my hand in an attempt to argue his observation, but he continued and shook his head. "No its true, for years I was happy to just let you guys think I never saw stuff or knew the important little things, because I always knew there would come a day I was going to be proven right. I just never had it down as _you_ being the dumb jack ass who would fuck it all up." Emmett put his half drunk water bottle back into his bag and picked up the orange ball and walked away from me. I did not follow; I just stood there wondering when my brother felt it was alright to call me a "fuck up"?

"Emm you're losing me...What are you accusing me of "Fucking up" exactly?" Emmett threw the ball into the hoop in one fluid motion before turning to face me straight on. "I always had it down that Bella would be the one to move on and that she would force your hand, make you finally man up. But now you're the one walking away. Were you ever going to tell her just how long you have been in love with her?" My mouth felt like it could catch a thousand flies as I just stood there watching him dribble the orange ball around in front of him. "Don't try to make me believe like this is all news to you because that's just plain insulting. You know it, I know it ….. Fuck Edward we all know you have loved Bella since that first day you saw her eating red apple wedges from the snack table." He threw the ball harder this time and it missed the hoop instead bouncing off the back board. "Thing that makes this whole you getting married shit just so fucking wrong is that _she_ loves you… She's been _in_ love with you since that first day."

"Emmett she doesn't love me like that, we're just friends. Always have been always will be. Bella has never loved me in any other way…." Before I could continue with the well rehearsed speech of explanation on my relationship with Bella, Emmett snorted and walked away from the court and me. "That's a pile of shit and you know it just as much as I do. You're scared." He turned to face me and looking me right in the eyes he knew he was right...hell _I_ knew he was right. The deep sigh escaped from my body as I finally stopped hiding. I was tired of trying to.

"Edward you can't spend your whole life afraid. If you don't tell her you're gonna lose her. She's afraid too. Now go get her from that tree house… don't leave her there hiding in her sleeping bag."

As he stood there studying my face I had a thousand thoughts running around in my head..... _Does she love me? Was Bella just as afraid I was? What if I never tell her, could I then really watch her build a life with a man who isn't me? Can I honestly build a life with a woman who is not Bella or am I kidding myself into thinking I can? What if I do tell her and she runs away? What if I don't and I lose her anyway? What if...._

"Coach! You have to come check this out!! The cheer squad have a new member; it's like the funniest, sexiest twisted thing I have seen since watching Miss Malory in the green spandex suit in the drama rooms." The loud excited voice from one of Emmett's male students could be heard echoing off the gym walls as he ranted on about some cheer practice in the dance studio.

"Come on Edward let's go show the cheerleaders some support." Emmett's mood lightened as he punched me in the arm and we began to walk over to the other gym hall to see what all the fuss was about. "Hey you remember the senior year when Rosie made the squad....such good times after games that season, _if_ you know what I mean! In fact she still has the outfit, it fits her way better now, the top just covers……" I immediately tuned out of Emmett's thought sharing as I tried not to remember the many time's I caught my brother sneaking a quick feel of Rosalie in our basement.

We took the steps leading up from the indoor court to the dance studio two at time. The double doors to the room were blocked from view and overcrowded by over grown jocks with spotty skin, who with their sneaky looks and shoulder shoving in attempts for a better view reminded me of their popular coach.

"Would you just look at her legs!" I heard the over heated jock nearest the left door mutter to his team mate, who's only reply was "Dude I should start failing English for a little extra tutoring." Emmett cleared his throat to alert the horny knuckleheads to his presence, "Oh...h-hey coach." One of the red face jocks greeted us looking like a kid who had been caught with his hands in the cookie jar. After spotting Emmett's reaction to this kid, a few of the other redder faced jocks left at a quick pace through the metal gym doors.

"So what you think coach? I say bring on Miss Malory!" The same student who had called Emmett up from the court began to laugh as he offered Emmett the view from his spot in front of the round glass porthole in the wooden door.

Emmett's sudden shift in his stature alerted me to his mood change. When he turned away from the door he looked white. Not with upset but anger. I knew that look. Only once in my life as Emmett's brother and friend have I feared for my safety, after seeing that very white look....

It was when I hit Kate Denali, who stole my chocolate apple at a Halloween party. I was 6 years old and in my defence she hit me first right after I refused to give her my treat. I remember Emmett punching me in the upper arm so hard I cried and told mum, of course once Emmett told her I hit a girl my mother's words of comfort turned to uncomforting words of chastisement. _Stupid Kate. Stupid big brother_...

"You better not of been referring to our head of English in your sexist and derogative words Mr Brandon," Emmett bared down over the student, "I would prefer not to lose my star player from the home coming game because of his disrespect for our schools staff or our cheer squad." Emmett was now standing several feet over the now green faced teenager who was rapidly shaking his head and mumbling about a class in the main building about to start. Watching the speed the boy and his team mates left the gym I could see why he was the star player, the boy was quick.

Looking over Emmett's shoulder I felt my body stiffen just as rigid as Emmett's had gone. Watching her twist and turn froze me into stone; Bella was beautiful. Her cheeks glowing as her face held the widest smile of laughter; I could hear those musical tones of her delicate voice bounce from the walls as she lost herself in the music and lived in the moment of fun. Bella never looks this carefree and alive. Yes we have shared many times of fun, laughter and moments of foolish child like days were we'd eat nothing but cookies and play our silly superhero games, but nothing quite had this reaction.

Watching her now spin and jump I found a smile reach across my cheeks as I thought about what on earth had made my best friend want to participate in such an activity. Something must have triggered Bella; something had set off that stubborn self proving button. One of these bouncy co-ordinated "pom-pom girls" must have written her off, that would be it. I'd put money on one of them being the student who foolishly upset Miss Swan, forcing the stubborn Bella to shine through and override the teacher in her to show these girls just how little they thought they knew their head of English.

"Now tell me again why you don't just man the fuck up and marry the girl already?" Emmett was now watching me rather then Bella through the window. The music had begun to slow and I watched as Bella slid to the floor even managing to complete a very flexible and impressive split. At that moment Emmett choose to give away our viewing activities as he pushed open the doors and congratulated the squad on their new member, I never heard the rest of his joking, all I could see was my beautiful flush cheeked friend as she recoiled in horror at his teasing.

When I moved a step away from my hiding spot behind Emmett in teasing mode, I saw her face crumple into a look of pain. "What are you doing here?!" Bella's voice sounded harsh and nothing like the warmth of my best friend. "Bella it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." I replied, my answer meaning to lighten her obvious embarrassment.

Just as I was trying to find a reason for her to look so horrified I heard her thank the girls, remind one of them to collect a book from her, and just as fast as her face had changed from embarrassment into sadness Bella began walking away from the brightly mirrored room towards the girl's locker room.

Everything was feeling odder by the minute. _Since when did Bella get so upset and embarrassed in front of me? How many times had I seen her fall over fresh air or put her foot in her mouth when congratulating a fat woman on her non-existent pregnancy?_

"Bella! Wait…wow slow down." Shouting was all I could do to slow her exist down. Just as she reached the locker door I noticed her shoulders drop from her previous defensive position, "Hey, Edward I am sorry but lunch is almost over and I have to change, set up for my next classes, and I really need to grab something to eat." Then I noticed her almost wince as the idea of food seemed to almost make her hurl.

"I won't keep you, just do you fancy grabbing some pizza and warm beers with your old superhero friend?" I tried my hardest to keep my voice light and fun in my reminder of my late night message I'd left her after I had revisited the tree house memories. My voice sounded friendly enough, even if I did still feel hurt by her harsh tone before in the studio, or by the reminder of the superhero message she had not returned. Despite it being late last night when I received her text Bella has always called me back after I leave her a message no matter what the hour.

"Can't, I…umm.... Jake…" Bella began to shake her head slightly making those fallen curls that previously framed her heart face now twist around her reddened cheeks. "Jake really wants to take me to this bar by the beach. He's just come home from this amazing trip and last night when I called into Charlie's he was there and we got talking and…" Her words were spoken so fast and even though she seemed to be tripping over their delivery all I heard was "Jake".

Jacob Black. Even the mention of that "mutts" name made my head fill with distaste and anger. Bella's father and Jacob's were life long fishing buddies. This meant that from time to time Bella shared days with the younger boy that would follow his father around like a lost puppy. Whenever that boy was around something would happen and it always resulted in my Bella getting hurt. We all referred to him as a dog or in Rosalie's case "Fido" after he would show Bella some stupid trick and she would attempt to do the same and in turn hurt herself.

"Well another time then." I know my voice was stern and filled with dislike for her preferred company for the evening and no doubt my firm set jaw let her know my honest feelings. "Just be careful and don't do anything reckless, that boy has a way of leading you into things that are not good for you." My request was purely one of friendly concern but the way Bella's face turned into stone and the way she set her shoulders I knew I had crossed the very fine line of dismissing Bella's strong independent line.

"Well I'm a big girl now, maybe its time I broke away from being some china doll. Its time I moved on and lived my life! Alice is going forward; _you're_ getting married….." The way she spoke so venomley and bitterly I shrunk away from her. "It's time I stopped wasting time and ……..lived!" Her voice seemed to get louder and with each word I noticed how Bella's body stood taller and straighter, stronger. Before I could explain myself or my simply friendly concern in her evenings plan Bella had spun round on her heels and stormed through the room to the lockers, the bang from their rebound off the locker room wall could be heard in the gym hall way.

Standing there I had no idea where my best friend and newly realised love went. _When did this fire breathing, harsh and venom filled hate take over her? Do I wait for her to come back and apologise? Do I leave and ring her later? _

"Edward, I have to go set up for my boys on the upper field. You good to see yourself off school grounds?" Emmett had left the dance studio and collected our gym bags from the court as he passed me over my bag and water. "Yeah sure. Call you later?" I was still stood in the very same spot Bella had ripped me in half on. I shook my head and forced myself towards the guys changing room to shower and change. Maybe if I had the night free I could go grab some pool with Jasper, and convince Emmett to meet us for a few beers on a school night.

When I got home I unconsciously found myself sitting in front of my mother's baby grand, not playing, just looking at the ivory and black shiny keys.

"Sweetheart?" The soft tone spoken like a concern pulled my thoughts away from the ghost of a new song as I looked up to my mothers warm smile. "Sorry. Just thinking of a new song." Her smile grew wider at my reply. She loved to hear me play; often insisting I play for hours just for her. Her love and compassion had inspired many of my own compositions. She walked over to me placing her warm hands upon my shoulder momentarily resting her chin on the crown of my head before lifting it to speak. "Do you know today I had the most wonderful experience? There was this young couple in the delivery room, both scared and so unsure of what was ahead of them. The poor girl was having the most uncomfortable time, and the young man stood by her side and held himself together so strongly. At one point I could have sworn he was going to pass out from the fear and worry - Poor little lamb. Yet that little lamb became a lion of strength right when his love needed him the most. It gave me the greatest sense of pride and privilege to put his new born son into his arms." My mother kissed my head and moved to sit down beside me on the glossy black bench, nudging my shoulder with hers. "It's a wondrous thing love. Today I watched it change that young boy into a father, partner and protector." Her face turned to me as she nodded her head towards my resting fingers, "Play me La Tua Cantante. It seems fitting after my day."

With out speaking I played the light and free lullaby. It was _her_ song, Bella's; she never knew I had written it for her because the 16 year old boy would never of told her how she sang to him with her every word or look. No one knew. I had called it the Italian title "your singer" because that's what Bella is. My singer. The music in my heart, the tune of my soul and the soundtrack to my life.

**So what a week? New moon hit the big screens…. The Office finished……. Wow bit like an early Christmas yeay!**


	7. Chapter 7

"**I won't hurt you." Jake. **

_The anger was what I wanted to hear—false, fabricated evidence that he cared, a dubious gift from my subconscious.  
__Bella Swan__, __New Moon__, Chapter 4, p.113_

**Thank you for the reviews and ad's to lists or alerts. I still do not own Twilight or the ever sexy man that is Mr Pattinson. **

**Bella **

The tears fell down my heated cheeks as my chest hurt with every ragged breath I struggled to suck in to my lungs as I opened my heart to Jake. For some reason I found it easy to talk about my heartache with my once small, over confident and immature child hood friend. His years away travelling had brought with them not just a physical growth but one of emotional.

Jake sat silently and supportively as I told him about how shocked and hurt I found Edwards's sudden dedication to another woman. How it was like an overwhelming regression had left me broken, almost shattered into tiny pieces, but somehow still felt as if someone had punched a huge hole through my chest.

"It hurts so much, I feel like I can't even breathe. Every where I look I see him…. I see the dreams of our life together… even in my truck I see his teasing smile as he calls it the antique of the mechanical world…. I can see it all Jake and now it hurts that when I see him holding his brides hand or holding his first born child in his arms I know I am no longer the woman giving it to him… it hurts …. I can't put into words just how much it hurts..." My throat stung with the sobs of breath I tried to gather in order to regain control over my emotional body. As my words finished I divulged into tears again. No longer able to ramble on in my sob ridden state Jake took a long breath as I looked through my wet lashes at his concerned face, his eyes still held my old childhood friend even if his broad neck and shoulders framed his strong and matured body. His hand wrapped around my now cold hand still holding the chilled glass beer bottle. "Bella have you ever told him? I mean it's been there forever for all to see but as clever as the doc is he is a man… and we missed these things until it's too late..." As he spoke I detected the tone of regret in his voice and I noticed his eyes watching the dark beauty behind the bar once again. I wondered if he knew my pain only too well. "Jake what happened? You told me you would show me your scars in return." His previous words were laced with sadness and regret, and had given me the perfect distraction from his question and therefore his attention on me.

Jakes shoulders dipped even lower that I thought possible as his dark lashes closed his soulful eyes. After a few seconds his face lifted and a sad smile spread across his mouth. "You remember my old friend Sam from the reservation?" He asked. "The big tall guy I always went surfing or cliff jumping with..." My eyes scrunched up a little as I tried to remember meeting Jakes friends all those summers ago while joining Charlie and Billy for dinner after their fishing trip. I remembered the older guy Jake seemed to follow around like a puppy and that of his admiration for him, and I nodded slowly for him to continue. "Well the summer before I left for my travels I got real close with Leah, I mean like real close kind of like you with Edward." I watched his face soften as he talked about the beautiful woman behind me. "She was like my best friend, I could tell her my every thought without fear of judgement or disappointment…she was…is...my soul mate." Jakes eyes turned away from their observation behind my shoulder as they met mine with an unbearable heavy sadness. "I should have told her sooner…. Told her I am in love with her before I left to go on my silly travels….. 3 hard long months of travel and it all became too much, my whole body ached to see her… the letters home were not enough I just knew I had to hold her…. talk to her ….make her my forever…. I came home to the happy news that she and Sam are quite the couple." Jake took a huge mouthful of his beer before a sarcastic smile spread over his saddened face. "… I guess like you I also have the _happy_ event of a wedding to attend, sometime in the near future."

I wrapped my arms around my friend feeling his pain echo my own as we sat there for a few moments each lost in their own thoughts. Jake pulled away first shaking back his board shoulders and straightening his back. A now wicked teasing smile spread over his face and this time it reached his eyes. "We need more beer...and then music, we're forgetting all the pain, and tonight Miss Swan your going to be Miss Gloria Gaynor!" His laughter boomed out across the bar rivalling Emmett's as he pulled me up from my chair and towards the bar for another beer. "Oh no! If you want me to even think about singing then forget the beers." I leant across the bar and stopped Leah from popping the caps off the green glass bottles, "I'm going to need a bottle of Cherry brandy and 2 shot glasses."

Several sweet filled glasses later I found my not so steady self swaying on the bar after I jumped my butt up on to the hard wood surface, singing loudly and poorly. In my head I think I thought the volume made up for the lack of tune, "Go on now go! Walk out that door!...Don't turn around now....." Looking over at my partner in crime Jake was laughing as he spun around in front of me camping it up as I sang out every heartbroken person's theme song. As I sung out the last line with as much force I could push out of my buzzing body I looked at my drunken companion and believed in the words, "I will survive! Hey. Hey!" And for that one night here with Jake I could almost believe I could and would live through the pain and loss my future would soon be bringing. When Edward finally moved Tanya here to live their married lives I would of course lose not only him but my friends. How could I be the spare wheel at chilli nights now, watching them all talk about married life and happy ever afters, while mine was in the embrace of another's arms. But right in this moment, here with Jake I could face it and together we would "survive".

* * *

**BEEP! BEEP!** _Oh dear god. Where is that noise coming from and why is it here to punish me? _My head was hurting to the point where stars were flashing like bright white spots behind the lids of my sore tired eyes. I slowly prised open my eyes and looked around the unfamiliar environment that I had awoken in. My throat felt like the Sahara and hurt like hell, and my every bone ached; but this stiffness and discomfort was unlike the one I had awoken to yesterday morning. This was self inflicted.

Lifting my heavy head away from the soft cushion it must have been happy to find rest on I looked to my left and saw Jakes peaceful face still soft and lost in a world of sleep. _Lucky git, _I thought as I too wished my pain was lost in a world of pleasant dreams. Turning my head to the right I noticed the leg boards of a brown cloth sofa and stretching my back I now knew why I was in pain. A night's drunken sleep on a friend's floor was not something I was used to. I reached for the blanket that I guess Jake must have covered me with and threw it back over my head. _Noise please go away! Body please stop hurting, please. Just this one time please?_

After a few minutes trying to block out the world above the blanket I knew I couldn't lay here anymore, well not comfortably anyway. I threw back the blanket and raised my right arm above my face to shield the morning light from my sore eyes I noticed the time. Above my head my watch caught my eye and I had to double take when I noticed the time. I looked at my watch again and several panic stricken moments later I found my body scrambling around as I got to my feet and began looking for my bag, coat and boots. "Hey...where's the fire?" A muffled voice said in a low tone. In my haste to make it in time for my working day I had woken Jake and he was lifting his bulking frame off the ground and in to his single arm chair, his hands rubbing over his tired face.

"It's after 8. I'm already late and there is no way I can get home shower change and make it in to my first class on time. Shit Jake how much did you make me drink?" I was sitting on the lovingly overused deep couch pulling on my boots as I looked around the small room for my bag. "Made you drink? Bella, you're the one who got the bottle and shot glasses. I think it's more you influencing me and making me drink." Jakes voice was rough as broken glass and laced heavy from sleep but I could note the humour in our situation. "No way! Your wrong. _You're_ always the one leading me into trouble." I retorted with as much humour as my fragile frame could manage.

Spotting my messenger bag on the handle of the door I flipped it open and began rummaging around inside it in retrieval of my truck key. I knew if I left right now I could grab a coffee in the staff room and maybe spend more than a few minutes tidying myself up in the staff restroom rather than the truck mirror. "Your truck is at the bar. We were way too drunk to drive; but unlike you _I_ was still with it enough to call us a cab. Give me 2 minutes and I will take you to pick it up on the bike." Jacob stood up from the chair and headed towards his kitchen. I heard him open the fridge and retrieve some juice. "The 2 wheel death machine? You want me to ride with you on a 2 wheel death machine?" My voice was loud enough for him to hear and my head rattled as I spoke my shocked disbelief in his dangerous suggestion.

"Bella you'll be perfectly safe so long as you listen to me. I won't hurt you." Jake was standing propped against the door frame holding out a black shiny helmet to me, with a wicked grin plastered on his all too sunny face. "Charlie would _not_ like it. Edward is forever telling me about the injuries he's seen from riders…." My voice trailed off as I heard myself. Of course _Edward_ would not like it. The very idea of me doing something reckless would earn me his greatest disapproval. I pondered on the times I'd been witness to his disapproval of such things.... That's when the little voice told me to do it...

_Edwards' Bella would never do something Edward would dislike her too...That Bella would call a cab.....That Bella would not have woken up on a hard wood floor after a night of drunken fun...Edwards' Bella would never be late for her job, no no, Edwards' Bella was that quiet, soft and weak china doll never wanting to upset anyone and always wanting to be played with. _

"So Bell's are we getting you to your truck? Or do we have time for coffee and eggs?" Jake was still stood leant against the door frame and his eyebrows knotted together as I felt the self defying smile pull at my mouth. I walked towards him taking the helmet from his hand, and passing him on my way to the front door. "By the way, this is totally reckless……My father would have a heart attack if he knew and…… I need this in red!" I shouted back raising my hand and the heavy black helmet high above me as I left the house towards the silver bike.

As if like lightening Jake was next to me by the bike climbing atop of it to accompany me in my sitting position on the seat. He pulled my arms around his thick waist and showed me how to lean with him so I was safe on our ride. "Just relax and move when I move. You ready?" I nodded fervently and closed the visor on my helmet. Jake kicked the bike to a start and the roar of the engine made me grip hold of his waist tighter. I could feel the vibrations of his laughter through my body pressing against his back and then Jake placed his hand over mine and squeezed as we pulled away from the drive out on to the main track towards the bar.

The wind whipped around my body. The speed and thrill of the ride made my heart pulse at great speeds, and a rush of pure adrenaline rushed through my veins. I had never felt so alive and the knowledge of Edwards shock at my reckless behaviour made a giggle escape from my lips.

Pulling in to the bar's car park Jake stopped the bike by my now boring truck. Swinging my leg over the back of the bike I pulled off the heavy weight from my head, and handed it back to Jake as a smile lit my face and I could feel the adrenaline still tingle in my finger tips. "It's cool huh?" Jake was watching as I nodded my head and blew out a long satisfied breath as I twisted my bag round from my back to my hip. "It's totally reckless and your right old Doctor "air bags" Volvo would not approve, but it's a rush." He smiled and as he did his eyes sparkled and the pain that they held last night was slightly less visible.

"I love it. When can I go again?" At my childish excitement Jake laughed, "That's my Bella." Jake ruffled the top of my head and went back to the bike. "Soon. I'll pick you tomorrow night, show you what a rush it _really_ is." Opening the door to the truck I nodded as Jake kick started the roaring engine once again and sped away down the track. I hopped in the cab and as I sat there that little voice started to speak again...

_Jakes' Bella? This new Bella was daring; she was wild and free. Jakes' Bella did not worry about other people's opinions. Jakes' Bella would live. She had a new sense of freedom; she had found the chance to move on and finally breathe. _Thinking about the person Jake brought out in me I smiled. I turned the key and giggled at the rumbling groan my beat up truck made. Looking at myself for the first time this morning in the interior mirror I joined the truck in its groan as I noticed the dark circles under my drawn eyes. My first stop before my classroom would have to be the staff room - coffee was needed if I was going to make it past another long school day.

******

**I really owe my wonderful beta for this little piece of magic. She makes it happen outside of my head so you guys can see it too. Lol .**

**Please review as always I love hearing your thoughts xxxxxxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**If I hadn****'****t left then she would not need the love of a mutt **

**I do not own Twilight **

****

**Edward **

"Doctor Edward Cullen to the front desk. Doctor Edward Cullen." The mechanical cracked announcement echoed off the on call lounge walls. Sitting up I pulled myself off the hard sprung bed and a glance at my watch told me I had only managed 2 hours sleep, meaning I was just 9 hours into my 24 hour shift from hell.

"Edward its Mr. Accord. His liver progress is not at the rate we'd hope for." Claire the nurse who was covering my patients this shift looked rather worried. As she looked up at me and her brows furrowed, "I didn't like to call you but you did ask me to keep you informed." My tired and dark circled eyes must have made her feel guilty and she felt the need to explain the reason she had disturbed my sleep.

"Thank you Claire. I appreciate you keeping me up to date." Taking the metal clip chart from her hand I smiled a little to let her know I meant it. "Your right. This is not the improvement I was hoping for. Could you call the surgical team, arrange for a consultation." Claire nodded her head slowly as she walked behind the desk to call the on call surgeon. Dragging my hand over my scratchy chin I felt the need for more coffee or a sugar fuelled fix, anything that could wake me up or keep me from the pull to my own cold and lonely bed.

*********

"I have no idea what is going on with her. Emm said she turned up late for school the other morning wearing jeans and some rock motif t-shirt. Said her hair was all wild, like she'd been driving her truck with the roof taken off. It's not like her to not return calls or not show up for our girl's nights. Alice got a half hearted text this morning saying she couldn't make the movie tonight. Now I could understand if it was like a regular movie night, but this new movie has been _all_ she could talk about for months; she made us all ring the box office on the hour every hour until the tickets went on sale." Rosalie's hushed whispers of concern drifted to the top of the stairs where I stood on the landing straining my ears to hear her's and my mother's conversation concerning Bella's recent and dramatic change in behaviour.

"She was so excited about him coming home again. I really thought I would have to kidnap my baby boy away from her with the promise of cookies just to spend a few minutes with him. However it would appear Edward is the one who needs to try and kidnap her in order to see her for a few minutes." My mother's voice was obvious in its confusion and she wasn't alone in her belief that I would be spending every spare minute with Bella; I too thought I would be wrapped up in her as we hopped back in to the easy and loving friendship.

_How can she go from jumping in my arms at Emmett__'__s, to being so busy she would miss that new movie she had wanted to see ever since falling in love with the book all those months before? It just doesn__'__t make sense. _

"Alice puts it down to Edward being the one out of the two of them to be getting married first. Personally I think it's because she finally stopped fighting herself and was ready to tell him." I could not hear the last part of Rose's conversation as I heard the coffee stall scrap over the tiled floor and her cup clink as she placed it in the sink. In my pathetic attempt to try and hear their thoughts on Bella's recent behaviour change I was now leaning on the stair rail, my over eager stretching made me lose my balance and I gave away my location when the thump of my butt hitting the stairs made the two ladies rush in to the hallway.

"Edward! Dear boy are you ok?!" My mother rushed over to the bottom step as she held her hands out to offer me some comfort in her concern. Rosalie was trying not so hard to hide her laughter at my embarrassed red face. "Hear anything good? You do know what they say about eaves droppers don't you Edward?" She smirked at me as she took her coat off the rack and pulled it on. "Thank you for the coffee and cake mum. I'll take Emmett his slice for lunch at the school, as I 'm going to help get the refreshments together for his team. If those boys fail to bring home that cup I don't think there will be enough cake in the state to heal his pain." Rose was laughing now as she was not doubt remembering last year when Emmett lost a match and he ate a whole Christmas size chocolate dessert cake, he never even took it out of the plastic box, instead he just ate the huge treat right from the carton.

"You hungry sweetheart?" My mother had pulled me up from being the heap on the stairs and was walking back into the kitchen. I heard her open the fridge and I nodded hungrily as she lifted the blue egg carton from the chilly shelf. I pulled out a stall against the breakfast bar, sat down and watched in silence as my mother cracked the pale eggs in to a bowl and began to whisk them. "Your father said you have settled well into the hospital. Seems the nurses have found the new Cullen model much more impressive then the pervious." My mother was wiggling her eyebrows as she teased me about the not so secret fact that I was now the main topic of desire around the nurse's station, a position once held by my father. "Yes well I find everyone extremely professional and so welcoming." Hoping that would be the end of the embarrassing subject I picked up the morning paper to read or at least appear to be reading the local news and town events.

"Oh the theatre is staging a one night only performance of Romeo and Juliette, this evening... I wish I had known, Bella would have enjoyed that I am sure; wonder if they still have tickets?" I wondered out loud as my mother placed my cheese omelette in front of me as I put the paper to the side of me. "I have tickets, I got them several weeks ago thinking maybe your father could be persuaded to take a night away from the hospital or the driving range." My mother smiled as she spoke, no doubt thinking about my father and how a night in the formal and stiff theatre would really hold no temptation for him at all. "You should have the seats. Why not book a table at Penny Pots and really make a night out for just the two of you?" Standing at the sink wiping clean the used egg pan my mother's light tone could not fool me. After hearing her concerns about my lack of time with Bella I knew she was pushing for me to spend some quality time with my best friend. "Maybe." My voice gave away to much of my honest feeling. Up until a few days ago I would have gladly took the tickets from my mother and booked out a booth at our favourite restaurant so we could have spent the rest of the night chatting about anything and laughing about everything. That was until her reactions to me showing up in the school gym.

"Edward?" Before my mother could press me for an explanation the house phone rang making her withdraw her hand across the counter top. "Yes this is Mrs Cullen." My mothers eye brows crossed as she answered the phone. "Oh my goodness, Tanya my dear please call me Esme. Edward should have told you that Mrs Cullen was Carlisle's mother and the biggest witch since the Wizard of Oz." My mother chuckled at her little comment about my grandmother, there really was no false sentiment and my mother was very correct in her description. I sat there solid as stone my mind drifting to thoughts of a possible evening out I saw my mother watching me. It was only when I noted her eye brows crease together that I noticed she was no longer speaking into the white handset but was holding it out for me. I quickly took the phone from her and walked out into the hall way to speak with my Fiancée waiting for the kitchen door to swing shut before I spoke.

"Edward? You there? I think I lost him….." Tanya's confusion snapped me out of my thoughts and I quickly confirmed my presence, "I'm here Tanya. How come you called the house, not that it's a problem I was just wondering." I took a seat on the stairs, leaning my elbows to rest on my knees. "Oh I did ring your phone but there was no answer. I just wanted to let you know my flight details and as I am joining you at your parents I thought maybe a quick exchange with your mother was harmless enough." Her voice was very matter of fact as she herself often is and I made a note of her arrival time for Friday, I would collect her from the airport on my way home from my afternoon shift.

"Edward are you sure everything is ok? I know your doing all this for me and I hate that you've had to tell your family and friends alone with out them even meeting me. If you want we can always put things back, I'm sure a few months delay is not going to matter; not in the big picture of things." Tanya had once again begun to question my commitment to the wedding. "Tanya I know you have never met my friends and only met my parents for the briefest of moments at Aro's 50th celebrations, but Tanya I was not lying when I told you they are the warmest and most loving people I know. Of course I do not want or need to postpone our wedding. You'll find out for yourself this weekend." I could hear her release a long held breath as she relaxed in my confirmation that I still wanted to marry her. "I can't wait for you to get here I have rather missed our question and shots session." We both laughed as memories of 20 questions and vodka shot filled nights came back to us.

Saying bye to Tanya I took the handset back into the kitchen to replace it on the hook. My mother was pouring away the cold coffee from the jug and I noticed she had gathered her pink maternity scrubs together ready for her shift at the hospital. "Tanya sounds lovely Edward. Your father and I are very much looking forward to meeting and spending the weekend getting to know our new daughter. I was thinking how about I make us all dinner on Saturday, nothing too formal just maybe a relaxed evening of good wine food and friends?" Turning to face me I saw the silent begging in my mother's eyes. This was her way of showing her support and acceptance in my marriage to Tanya. Maybe a relaxed get together of everyone would be the best way for Tanya to meet everyone I was more than happy to spend my Saturday with my close friends and some of my mother's cooking. "Sounds perfect mum. Thank you." I hugged my mother close to me. "Could I take those tickets off your hands?" It was now my turn to silently beg with my eyes. "Of course you can. Thinking back on it I always knew you and Bella would have them. To think I even thought for a moment your father would sit through an evening of Shakespeare." Shaking her head softly and laughing lightly to herself my mother collected her bag from the counter top and with a kiss to my cheek left to start her shift.

The performance started at 7:30pm and I booked the table at Penny Pots for after; I even enquired if they had Bella's favourite pasta dish on the menu this evening, which pleasingly they did. As it was a Wednesday I knew Bella had no after school commitments and I decided to meet her at the end of the school day and surprise her. I had the better part of 3 hours before I had to be at the school and decided to shower and dress ready for the evening. There was still so much I needed to think about but before I could even start to process my feelings I just needed to spend a night enjoying my Bella and sharing in the delight she would find in my plans.

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The school car park was full of students and cars alike. A few male students all seemed to be crowded round the newest edition to the eclectic collection of vehicles, the newest models belonging to parents or bought by proud grandparents. Normally Bella's truck could be easily spotted in its staff parking spot, not by the rusty red colour but by the fact it looked out of place in a high school, instead looking a better match to a farm yard. However I could not see it anywhere in the staff parking section today. Instead I spotted the large dark haired mutt who was now collecting more admirers than the new shiny car. Jacob Black leant with his arms folded and leg bent against a reckless death machine, or motorcycle as they were formally known by.

Not wanting to wait for Bella to exit the main school building I decided to surprise her at her classroom. Walking swiftly past the dog I met Angela in the reception, she was a sweet and kind person who I know was a good friend to Bella.

"Hi Edward" Angela looked up as the buzzer announced my arrival, her smile was knowing as she looked away from her computer screen at the front desk. "She's in her classroom, just finished with the seniors I hope you came armed with chocolate, with the game on Friday she's going to need a rather large fix." I joined Angela in her laughter as I flashed the inside pocket of my pea coat to reveal a large bar of Bella's favourite candy treat. "You're a hero!" Angela's laughter and praise followed me down the hall way towards the only open classroom.

She was beautiful. Her hair held on top of her head by 2 pencils, leaving a few untameable curls fall free and my fingers twitched as I felt the desire to sweep them away from her long neck. Sitting at her desk I watched as she lifted the stack of test papers and shuffled them in to a pile to fit neatly in her folder, her reddened cheeks showing that she had suffered a rather challenging afternoon at the hands of her students. As quietly as I could I stood behind her and pulled the chocolate from my coat pushing it on to her desk. I could see her smile in the way neck moved. "Jake you remembered, I was just on my….." as she spoke she turned to face me and stopped as soon as her eyes met mine. "Edward!" her face was more flushed as she realised her mistake in her candy gifting hero. "I never heard you come in. I … What are you doing here?" Her head tipped sideway's as she frowned questioning my appearance in her classroom.

_Jake? Why would she expect Jake to be bringing her candy?_ I wondered before I replied to answer her question. "I have the night off from the hospital, my mother had no use for her tickets to the theatre and your best friend has also booked and confirmed your favourite pasta dish at Penny Pots." Putting my most dashing smile I suddenly felt the nerves of rejection rise in stomach; my mouth became dry and burned like a fire. Bella stood up from her desk and her smile slowly ghosted away from her face and became heavy with sadness. "Edward I …you never told me….. It's a lovely idea and I wish I could go with you….." Before she could continue in my heart breaking disappointment I could smell the engine grease and I knew the mutt was coming. Sure enough seconds later Jacob Black was standing in the door frame. "Ready Bell's?" He was holding a black motor cycle helmet in his hands and offering it to Bella.

My sickening disappointment soon became a reddened anger. _Did he really just invite my friend on a ride to her death? This must be some kind of a joke. Bella riding a motor cycle being driven by the all stunt performing mutt_?_ He can__'__t be serious surely?_

"Hey Eddie..." A sharp and smug Jake stood there looking from me to Bella and back again. "So you ready? …… Bell's?" _Did he just have the nerve to call me "Eddie"?_ That was it; my whole body froze as I could feel the mask of stone try to hide my anger.

"Umm Jake, I'll meet you in 10 minutes." Bella past over her messenger bag to him and like a good little St Bernard he took it and left. But what upset me even more was the way he looked at her. Like he was afraid to leave me alone with her. "I'll see you outside Bella." Then with a final nod and dirty look at me he walked back down the hallway.

"Bella I don't understand. Only a week ……… no, only _days_ ago you were so happy I was finally coming home; you wanted us to drink warm beers and eat cold pizza while trashing the drama department. I finally come home and it's like I don't know you. You're really going to turn down dinner with me for an evening playing with a dog?" I knew I sounded like a jealous and spoilt child but the shock of my best friend's sudden reckless behaviour had pushed me past the point of rational explanation.

"Edward….. Jake is my friend and I made plans to spend the evening with him down at La Push. His dad is having something of a story telling bonfire, it's been planned for weeks. Jake is going to share his stories about what he learnt from his travels and I already agreed to go with him." Bella walked over to the little store cupboard at the back of her classroom and pulled out her jacket. "You're my best friend, and because I know you're just disappointed and put out that you now have to share me I'll forgive you for insulting my friend." Her tone was soft, but her face told me she was still upset with me.

As she walked towards me and the exit she placed her hand on top my arm. Looking into my eyes I noticed how she took a deep breath and that false smile I had witnessed days before in the gym was back. "You need to get used to sharing." She lowered her head to look at her feet I heard her release the ragged breath, "And so will I, Tanya's not going to want to share her husband with another woman."

Before I answered or stopped Bella in her belief that the moment I got married would be the moment our friendship ended she pulled her hand away and indicated with her head that we needed to leave, so we left her classroom and began the short walk to the parking lot. "Bella, you won't have to share me - we have _never_ shared our friendship with anyone, not even when we made the hero club. No matter how much Alice wanted to be Sparkle Pixie, we never let the others join our secret club. Tanya is not going to change _anything_. Please understand my being married won't change us. You're my best friend Bella and I will ……… I won't _ever_ stop being here for you." My previously jealousy was forgotten and I tried in vain to make her understand that she would always be a part of my life.

When we reached the main exit doors Bella stopped and turned towards me. She took another deep breath and I watched how she frowned and bit the right bottom corner of her lip. "Edward you don't know that. If I was Tanya and I was the one lucky enough to earn your heart then I could not and _would_ not share you with a single soul." Her deep brown eyes almost seem glassy with tears and as her words filtered into my brain she smiled and giggled as only my Bella could. "Not even your mother." A snort escaped me as I knew just how hard it would be for any woman, even Bella to keep my mother away from spending time with me. "I am sorry about this evening though. But I already promised Jake." I watched as she turned to look over at the now pacing mutt who was waiting for her across the car park. "Friday. Friday is the big game and I would love it if we could go together then make good on the beer and pizza promise?" Bella's face was back to its normal open and warm beauty, all traces of hurt or sadness gone. "Yes, Friday would be good. Emmett's waistline and Rose's dessert collection have a lot riding on the result. Shall I pick you up?" My body was still tense as I panicked at her former rejection. "Yeah come by about 6. I _am_ sorry about tonight, maybe Esme could join you?" Bella was smiling wider now in confirmation of our plans.

"Yeah maybe." I made my best effort to smile back at her, to hide my disappointment, and I spotted the mutt swing his leg over the death machine in his attempt to pull Bella away from me faster. "I think he's waiting for you." I nodded towards Jacob. "Bella please……… be safe." My words sounded pained and I hugged her tight to me as she hugged me goodbye. "I'm always safe. Jake would never do anything to hurt me…. Ever." Bella's parting words from our hug stabbed at my chest.

Standing by the steps to the car park I watched her run over to the waiting dog and before she pulled on her helmet she half turned her head back and I heard her shout "Friday!" before swinging her leg over the back of the bike. I physically cringed as she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist as the bike roared out of the now cold, empty car park.

Only when I opened my car door did the importance of Friday finally register in my mind. "Shit!" I shouted loudly as I hit the black steering wheel. Tanya would be here on Friday and I had already arranged to collect her from the airport. _Ugh, My timing sucks, _I thought. _So looks like my best friend gets to met the other woman in my life before everyone else. This would be a good thing. _

_I hoped. _

**The next chapter is written and waiting for the wonderful SKB30 to beta it for me. She even looked this one over during her holiday, she really is the best ever beta and friend xxxx**

**As ever please leave me your thoughts that make updates faster and make me smile! **


	9. Chapter 9

**No, it's a Jacob thing. You could be like your own sun.**

**Thank you for the adds you all make my day and your reviews are fast becoming my happy pills of choice!**

**I do not now or ever own Twilight!**

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**Bella **

"Nice to see my head of English here on time and dressed." Mr Banner looked at me with sarcasm before continuing my dress-down during the staff meeting. "Somewhat more respectable then Tuesdays grunge outfit Miss Swan." His sarcastic whiney little voice was fast becoming old. I could not really justify my resentment in his comments, considering how on Tuesday morning I did in fact turn up and burst through the door to the teacher's lounge late for the staff meeting wearing the outfit from the my drunken confessions evening with Jake the previous night. It wasn't until right after that I took Angela's advice and took some time to address my appearance in the girl's bathroom borrowing her brush to redress the windswept haystack that used to be my hair after riding to my truck on Jakes bike.

Thankfully today's staff meeting went quickly and without further attention being drawn to me. I had my first period free so I decided to address my schedule for the week and possibly the term; I poured another cup of coffee and sat back into the beaten up hard framed couch in the clinical teachers lounge to start on my plans for the coming term and my seniors pop quiz paper.

"Miss Swan?" Looking up from my papers I smiled back at Mr Newton, the head of our history department. Mike had started the same term as I had; he was friendly enough and a good teacher; however at first his friendly nature was a little overpowering for me. To be honest I think it was his effort at flirtation well his behaviour towards me seemed to be anyway. I normally managed to divert his leading questions friendly enough though and after time I think he realised that I wasn't interested. I guess he did anyway as the innuendos became less frequent. He was always willing and able to help anyone, much to the delight of the drama witches, who always bounced off his over helpful nature. "Mike, how many times.....it's Bella. Please don't make me feel older then my poor joints are already feeling." I smiled at my little personal joke; a night on Jakes hard wood floor had left me feeling like a 45 year old worn out door hinge, and I swear my back was creaking.

"Bella. I was hoping I might use that civil war contact of yours, Mr Hale? For some expertise on the war, you know." Ah of course Mike had been talking about his plans to spend the next few weeks before the end of the school year to concentrate on Civil war movement. I had given him Jasper's name as a point of contact in the museum should he want to give the class a field trip. Mike had briefly met Jazz once after he had to collect me from an open evening after the truck had died, so it wouldn't have been as if I was just sending them in blind so to speak, Jasper had a face for the name and so did Mike. Jasper had been working at the town's museum after he bagged his dream job directing the Civil war exhibit and he often visited university's to give specialist talks on the subject. He had spent many years researching and living it through old memories in his great, great grandfather's journals sometimes it was almost as if you would have thought Jasper himself was from that time.

"Of course would you like me to call Jasper this morning to arrange a time to meet with you?" Mike smiled and I noticed his eyes light up as a thought reached him. "That would be great Bella.....Maybe I could meet him for dinner? We could discuss my preferred out come from our working together over the coming weeks." His face held an expression of excitement and I was suddenly hit with a rather large realisation, Mike Newton, forth year History teacher at Forks High was...gay.

Smiling sweetly and with great effort I tried, and successfully hid my giggles at the thought of Alice having to fight for her husbands affections from not only the females of the Palaeontology department, but now from the admiration of the school History department. Emmett was going to have a field day and I could only begin to imagine the level of ridicule Jasper was going to be subjected to.

Now Jasper has had many experiences of dealing with unwanted lustful and often wanton desire, but somehow I think up until now it had been only from females, usually the young college majors, or mothers taking their young sons along to the war enactments events. Mike would certainly be a first; my only disappointment would not be in how Jasper would take these feelings because Jasper out of all the guys was sensitive and kind to others feelings. No my only regret would be not being able to join him and Mike for dinner and then watching Jaspers face once he finally grasped Mike's ulterior intentions.

"Uh huh sure thing Mike, I will call him later on to arrange it and let you know the time and the place." I managed to get the words out without the slightest giggle along the way. "Is that ok?" I finished and bit the inside of my cheeks to stifle the smile that was building. "It's perfect." He replied as a smile beamed on his face and he clapped his hands over his books a little too over excitedly, before realising what he must have looked like and abruptly stopping. He folded his arms back over his books and turned on his heels to leave, a slight spring in his step becoming more pronounced with each stride.

With my quiz written for this afternoon's session I gathered my papers to leave and make the arrangements for Jaspers "dinner" introductions with Mr Newton. Just as I was reaching in to my pocket for my cell to call Jazz, it buzzed quietly alerting me to a text, and half startling me to death. I flipped open my phone, saw the cute Tinkerbelle picture and knew the message had come from Alice. Almost instantly my body filled with bubbles of guilt. I had been making every effort in the last few days since Edward's announcement to avoid my friends and their concerns.

_**Ready for movie night? Rose has been busy planning drinks & eats with the guys after. What time shall I pick you up? Xxxx sparkles!**_

My guilt was now replaced with regret and dread, I had totally forgotten about our plans to see the newest romance flick due out on Thursday night. I had been waiting for months filled with excitement to watch my favourite book since Pride and Prejudice come to life on the big screen. But how could I face watching some perfect love story of star crossed lovers now, while my own heart was lying broken and in pieces? There was no honest way I could hold myself together and live through the love story all the while being observed by Alice and Rosalie's intense study. I was lucky to have avoided the ice cream and tissue night they had no doubt been planning since I left last Wednesday night.

**Totally forgot. Can't make it. School stuff. Can't let them down now. See you guys Friday. Love you xxx Apples.**

It was a rather see through lie and I knew it would have been even more transparent if I had told her myself in person...that was if I were not so afraid to face her pity and concerned face in person. I hit send I scrolled through my contact list and called Jasper, stealing myself for his scary ability to read me, even through modern technology.

"Bella everything ok?" Jaspers soft voice was laced with concern no doubt found from my ringing him during my school hours. "Of course." I lied a little. "Jasper do you remember meeting Mike Newton, the history teacher?" I waited and imagined Jaspers steal blue eyes flicker through his memory index of faces from the staff at school. "The guy with blonde hair and round cheeks? The one that looked at me like I was something to eat?" There was no hiding my girlish giggles at his statement and I quickly confirmed his memory. Through my giggles I explained how Mike wanted to meet to arrange some talks and tours of the museum for his forth years over dinner.

"That should be fine with me. How about you arrange a meeting with Mr Newton at the local diner, say tomorrow night? However there is one condition and its not open for debate, you have to join us. I don't fancy being observed all night like some kind of berry cobbler to be eaten by your colleague." The laughter took over my frame as the fit of giggles made my whole body shake. "Ok Mr hottie of Civil war, I'll come save your very edible butt. Dinner at 6 ok with you?" Jaspers soft laughter and chuckled "yes" confirmed our plans for the next night and I felt better knowing I no longer had lied to Alice, I was in fact now committed and tied up with school plans. Even if it was to escort Jazz on his first male "dinner" date.

A little later just before my classes I stopped by to see Mike to inform him of the dinner date location and time; he was thoroughly happy with the diner for dinner; his eyes only momentarily lost their sparkle as I informed him of my joining them. After that he went right into planning all his ideas of talks and class field trips to the exhibition.

My classes went swiftly with only the odd disruption about the game on Friday. Jake was already busy on Friday night with his friends from La Push; they were going out for a very much needed guys night, prowling the local bar like a pack of wolves searching for their prey as they were proving to be. So Friday would have been a good night for movie night, if I could have faced it. However tonight was Jakes night and I was really looking forward to our plans this evening at his dad's place.

Billy was holding a special bonfire and BBQ tonight on the beach in honour of Jakes recent fact finding trip about the history of the tribes. Jake was going to share some of his stories about their brother tribe's. Really I think it was just Billy's way of welcoming home his only son and showing everyone just how proud he was of his son taking their history seriously.

My heart was still reeling in pain from Edward's recent revelations and although my friends were always there for me and I could and have always been able to count on them, I found myself drawn to Jake and his ability to place a temporary band aid over the gapping wound in my chest. Sometimes when I noticed two students holding hands not even my time with Jake could stop the ache that crept back in, but the pain was proof. The proof that what I feel for him is real and a reminder that no band aid was going to "fix" me soon.

My recent activities with Jake had not gone unnoticed, I was very aware of Emmett's observation. The morning I turned up fresh from my over slept night on Jakes floor I brought myself attention from Emmett as well as Mr Banner. Lucky for me the season's biggest game kept Emmett from quizzing me, but his looks at my dress and head tilting at my increased coffee intake let me know my actions out of the normal "Bella" format were being recorded in the big brother bears hand book.

The bell rang bringing a start to my last lesson of the day, my seniors all took their seat and I smiled as I noted even Miss Stanley made it on time today. Handing out their quiz papers I smiled as I heard the moans of dislike in my lesson.

"Like I told you, making you read these books is not for my own personal fun. Big game on Friday or not, your education should be your first point of attention. Please turn over the 20 question paper and write your answers in the space provided. There will be no need to talk. You all have 1 hour." I took my seat behind my desk and smiled to myself as I watched my students all begin to scratch their pens hurriedly over the paper. My phone gave my thigh a little nudge and I slowly opened the phone to notice the bike wheel picture; Jake had sent me a message.

**Pick you up after school, Miss Swan?**

Quickly and with a slight smile on my lips I texted him back saying yes that would be good. I also told him to wait for me in the teacher's car lot to avoid drawing attention from my students. However my arrival on Jakes bike this morning had already got the gossip drums banging. Several of my second year students had witnessed me pulling up on the back of Jakes bike after he stayed at mine watching the latest action movie, '_Face Punch', _which kept its promise of no kissing or hand holding gorgeous actors playing the roles of confused and lost in love characters.

It was not the movie but the late night beers and pizza that had resulted in me needing to grab a ride on the bike to school in order to make the staff meeting; there was no way I could have showered, dressed, grabbed coffee _and_ driven to work in my beast of a truck, that didn't really go over 55mph, on time.

Sitting at my desk I used the quiet found from my quiz to really think about the recent changes in my life; gone was the solid foundation and plans I had always banked on. Edward was getting married, to someone who wasn't me, and no amount of tears, pain or regret could alter the fact that my best friend and my love was going to be leaving me. Last night drinking my ice cold Pepsi with Jake, while marking papers for my first years I talked about my fears of the future.

"_There is no point in trying to even allow myself to believe in the idea that his getting married is not going to change things. Tanya is not going to let her husband go back to his late night sleep over's of pizza and beers at his female best friend's house. I would consider the woman a fool if she were willing to share." _Being honest with myself and Jake I finally accepted that Tanya was the keeper of Edwards heart and I was only setting myself up for a harder fall to believe her presence in our life didn't bring a rather large change with it.

Moving on with my life was not going to be easy, my head may have already moved on to the idea of becoming a new and "living" Bella, but my heart was now and probably always would be aching in its want of Edwards love.

The bell rang and I dismissed my class, telling them to ensure their names were written in the top right hand corner of their papers and to leave them on their desks. Once the room was cleared of chattering teenagers I went about collecting the papers, still unintentionally milling over what my life would be from now on. Sitting back down at my desk I took a few moments to glance over some answers, finding pride in how many students had given detailed and answers holding great depth. Piling the papers together I gently used the desk top to shuffle them together in a neat enough pile to fit in my folders ready to mark them over a glass of wine before handing them back on Friday morning.

Just then my eyes were drawn to the large chocolate bar being place on my desk. It was my favourite candy and I smiled; only last night I had told Jake how much I loved this treat after a hard day. I smiled as I began to turn to thank Jake for his thoughtfulness, "Jake you remembered, I was just on my….." I stopped as soon as my eyes met the deep green eyes before me. "Edward!" I could feel my cheeks burn in my embarrassment. "I...I never heard you come in. I …. What are you doing here?" I was surprised to see him. Remembering my out burst at his appearance in the gym I frowned wondering why he would come back to face more of my childish jealousy.

"I have the night off from the hospital, and my mother had no use for her tickets to the theatre, _so_ your best friend has also booked and confirmed your favourite pasta dish at Penny Pots." Edward spoke so smoothly and confidently in my acceptance in his plans for the evening ahead. I had noticed the local theatre's one off of Romeo and Juliette performance, I remember hearing Lauren Malory discuss it in the staff room with the other drama witches, so I'd made a point of checking when it was on. Right away I wanted to accept his invitation of a night with just him. Just the two of us, we could laugh and share old stories and just be _us_. He would tell me about his day, his avoiding the lusty nurses who without doubt followed his father and now found new attraction in the new Dr. Cullen so now followed him. But then my head beat my heart back into its broken painful place, there was no point in putting my heart through a night of pure heaven and fulfilling its last desire, no matter how much I wanted to, when I knew his new love would take him away from me soon. Call it self- preservation, or call it foolish, but this time I let my head rule. The smile slipped sadly from my face.

"Edward I …you never told me….. It's a lovely idea and I wish I could go with you….." Before I could continue in my heart breaking disappointment and explain that our spending time together was hurting me more in the long run I noticed Edward stiffen. His head turned and his eyes flickered over to the door; I looked over his shoulder and found Jake standing in the entrance looking at me with concern.

"Bell's ready?" he was holding my black motor cycle helmet in his hands and held it out to me, I noticed how Edward tensed even more. No doubt my newest form of travel was not to my best friend's acceptance. Edwards Bella screamed at me to reassure him that I had not lost my mind and I was still the same dependable and mature Bella. I watched as Edward's eyes looked from the helmet to me and back again. He was with out question moments away from pinching the bridge of his nose between his fore finger and thumb in a classic Edward stressed and angered mode.

"Hey Eddie." Jake acknowledged Edward; if somewhat briefly. "So you ready? …… Bell's?" He stood there looking from Edward to me and back again. The inner Jake's Bella had to fight the urge to giggle at how Jake was so brave to push Edward further into madness by calling him "Eddie". I watched Edward cover his face with a well practised mask of cold hard stone. This meant he was only seconds away from ripping Jake into pieces. I had to get Jake away from here before these two fools ended up pushing each other over the edge and result in a battle of old enemies.

"Umm Jake, I'll meet you in 10 minutes." Quick as I could I handed Jake my packed up bag. Jake gave a quick and knowing look to Edward and back to me, and I tried to give him a swift nod to know I was ok and would join him in a few moments. "I'll see you outside Bella." With a final nod and harsh look at Edward he walked back down the hallway away from us.

"Bella I don't understand. Only a week ……… no, only _days_ ago you were so happy I was finally coming home; you wanted us to drink warm beers and eat cold pizza while trashing the drama department. I finally come home and it's like I don't know you. You're really going to turn down dinner with me for an evening playing with a dog?" Edward's sudden outburst caught me off guard. How could he honestly act like a jealous child or lover at my need to find comfort and friendship from someone outside our little family? But because I knew he was more shocked that I would make plans ahead of him or our group, than because I was turning him down, I decided to let his silly out burst go.

"Edward….. Jake is my friend and I made plans to spend the evening with him down at La Push. His dad is having something of a story telling bonfire, it's been planned for weeks. Jake is going to share his stories about what he learnt from his travels and I already agreed to go with him." Walking over to my little store cupboard at the back of the classroom I gathered up my coat and jumper. "You're my best friend, and because I know you're just disappointed and put out that you now have to share me I'll forgive you for insulting my friend." My tone was hard to control.

I really did not want to have another fight or out burst like we had outside the girls locker room. I walked back over to him and looked into his eyes. I took a deep breath and with every ounce of strength I could find in my heart I tried to smile easily. "You need to get used to sharing," My head involuntarily dropped to look at the floor. Releasing the ragged breath I chanced another look at his dazzling face, wanting to keep as many memories of his beauty as possible, "And so will I. Tanya's not going to want to share her husband with another woman."

Before he could build up my hopes with false promise of beer and pizza night alone or hot chocolates in our tree house I pulled him towards the school exit.

"Bella, you won't have to share me - we have _never_ shared our friendship with anyone, not even when we made the hero club. No matter how much Alice wanted to be Sparkle Pixie, we never let the others join our secret club. Tanya is not going to change _anything_. Please understand my being married won't change us. You're my _best_ friend Bella and I will ……… I won't _ever_ stop being here for you." I smiled as we walked out of the main hallway and past Angela's now empty desk.

"Edward you don't know that. If I was Tanya and I was the one lucky enough to earn your heart then I could not and _would_ not share you with a single soul." Trying as hard as I could, holding back the sting of the tears as I tried to force myself to be honest with my friend. I could not stop the smile as the picture of me being the "one" holding his heart meant I got to keep him all to myself forever. I even snorted as I thought about trying to keep him away from Esme. "Not even your mother." Edward seemed to mimic my giggle at the thought of that too. By now we had reached the parking lot, and we could now see Jake over by his bike. "I am sorry about this evening though, but I have already promised Jake." I looked from his disappointed face and smiled as I noticed how itchy Jake had become, no doubt he was just keen to get tonight over with already and move on to the drinks and hot dogs.

Looking at Edward I frowned at how he seemed to concentrate on Jake. Giving in to the need in my chest to spend some real time with my only love, before I truly lost him. I decided at the very last second to grab any chance of having him to myself.

"Friday. Friday is the big game and I would love it if we could go together then make good on the beer and pizza promise?" My words came out so fast and I looked at him praying for him to make the time for me, for us to share just one night together. Pizza and beer. Edward and Bella. Ice fang and Apple girl.

"Yes, Friday would be good. Emmett's waist line and Rose's dessert collection have a lot riding on the result. Shall I pick you up?" My body relaxed as I felt the tension slip away and I felt relief in the idea of him being with me. "Yeah come by about 6. I _am_ sorry about tonight, maybe Esme could join you?"

"Yeah, maybe." He smiled back at me and I was once again lost into the world where he was mind and only mine. A world where we had the little white house and the bronze haired children with his eyes playing in giggles on the lawn, screaming in delight as their daddy chased them.

"I think he's waiting for you." Edwards tense and stern words pulled me out of my silly day dreams as I noted him look over towards Jake who had started the bike.

"Bella please……… be safe." His words sounded pained and I quickly found myself wrapped into his arms, once again taking in the safety and comfort found just by his arms and scent.

"I'm always safe. Jake would never do anything to hurt me….Ever." I felt his body stiffen as I spoke the honest words. Jake would never hurt me. I was confident in my new found trust with him, Jake understood so much of my heartbreak and right now he was the only person I could trust to understand me with out pity.

Pulling myself together I quickly pulled away from Edward's strong embrace and rushed towards the security blanket that Jake had become. I hoped on the back of the bike and turned towards Edward to shout my confirmation for Friday. Friday where I would allow my heart it's only goodbye. Its chance to let go of Edward and pray that with the passing of time, Bella, Edward's Bella…. I would soon be back in the living world around _Me_ my Bella, the Bella I always was once again.

We pulled out of the parking lot at speed as I held Jake firmly by the waist; I smiled as the wind ripped through my loose hair strands that poked out underneath the helmet, its chilly bite almost clearly away the echo's of old memories. Friday I would lay the ghosts to rest. It would probably the hardest day of my life but with Jake by my side I would and I could make the leap into the future and move on.

"You ok?" Jake's growling deep voice pulled me out of my thoughts. I nodded my heavy head enclosed inside a bulky helmet against his back and I knew I would be.

Time to stop the silly fairy tales and step back into the real world. Feeling his hand squeeze my own wrapped firmly over his waist I knew I could breathe again.

****

**Hopefully you guys now know just where Bella's heart is, and her need for that one last day to close the chapter on her friendship and life with Edward. **

**Up next? Tanya comes to town. Poor Bella. **

**As ever the wonderful SKB30 rocks ! **

**Reviews as always make me happy! **


	10. Chapter 10

Tanya

You're quite adorable when you're jealous. It's surprisingly enjoyable.  
Edward Cullen, _Eclipse_, Chapter 8, p.194

Thank you guys for the reviews and ads to alerts. I also have to thank my wonderful beta who drives me to make each chapter the best I can.

I do not own twilight

Edward:

She was sitting in our tree house eating chocolate chip cookies, dipping each one into the frosted glass of milk as she went along. With eat bite of a cookie she pulled a silly face and a small giggle escaped from the little girl that sat across from her. She looked down and smiled at me standing amongst the flowers in the meadow a few steps away from the bottom of the tree; the beautiful little bronze haired girl followed her gaze and turned to look at me; her eyes lighting up like it was Christmas as she called out to me, "Daddy!" Bella smiled softly at our daughter and beckoned for me to join them in our tree house. I took the rung of the old wooden ladder in my hand and began to climb. As I did a faint buzzing began in the background distracting me from my destination; I paused briefly, looked around and then continued to climb the ladder; but the buzzing became louder with each step and a tune now joined it. Hurriedly I clambered up the ladder; I had almost reached the top, I could just see them sitting waiting patiently for me on the deck of the tree house; I grabbed for the last rung and it was then that the wooden beam in my hand morphed in to a small silver brick of plastic, which was now vibrating almost as much as an over-excited Alice. The meadow around us vanished; the little girl disappeared; and Bella faded away with the tree house like a puff of smoke slowly dispersing in the air. My phone had woken me from the most blissful dream.

I sighed and took the phone from the nightstand next to my bed, rolling on to my back and flipping the phone open in one movement. I was too lost in the state between dreams and reality to be prepared for the voice on the other end of the line. The enthusiasm that came from Alice was challenging at any time, let alone this early in the morning.

"Finally the good doctor answers, on what the _fifth_ time I ring? I hear we have dinner plans at the great Cullen mansion on Saturday? I heard from Rose that Tanya is coming home to do like this whole meet the family thing. I can't wait to meet her. You know as a friend you suck; I mean you're a guy so I know that means you're not like going to tell us all every little last detail about her, but it sucks that the first time we all get to meet is at your parents' dinner party. I would've liked to know what kind of fashion she's in to _before_ such a formal occasion…." Alice was not taking any prisoners; she had yet to take a full breath. "I mean do I wear something by my own label? Or would she think I'm to up myself if I do? Does Tanya like to shop? Who is her favourite everyday designer? Is she more a suit and pants kind of woman or dresses and skirts? What would she think if…"

"Whoa, Alice stop, take a breath, chill a little," I looked over at the small clock sitting on the nightstand, where my cell phone previously accompanied it and it confirmed my disbelief in the hour. "I mean it's 6.30 in the morning. I have yet to even shower, eat some toast, or better yet grab a cup of coffee, before I can respond to any of these _vitally_ important questions. How in the law of normal are you ringing me, or even _functioning_ at this hour and able enough to interrogate me?"

Her giggles were infectious and once I heard them I could not help the smile that broke out across my bed creased face. "Jasper had an early start. He's meeting with Bella later with her teacher friend to talk history, so he wanted to get a few hours in before leaving to join them. _So_ that means I have no husband this evening and I wondered if my fancy man wanted to be my date at the movies with my friend and her monster of a husband, who also happens to be your brother. The girls and I were supposed to go, but Bella had work to do, so I thought we'd bring 2 guys along for some insight into "chick flicks" as you like to call them. So what you think? Be my "date" tonight?" Alice's voice did that really hard to say no to girl thing, even if I wanted to say no hearing her sweet pleading tone I couldn't. I rubbed my hand over my face trying to wake myself up a little more. "Sure Mrs Hale it would be my honour and esteemed pleasure to escort you to the cheesy movie of the year. What time shall I pick you up?" Her giggles continued at my over formal and sarcastic voice. "How about I pick you up from the hospital? You finish at 5 today right?"

After finally backing down from being a gentleman and agreeing to collect my date from her door I arranged to meet Alice at the hospital, I laid in the bed 5 minutes longer and ran it through in my head; _If I take my change of clothes with me and left right after breakfast I could bag a ride with dad, no need to drive then. Perfect._ I sluggishly pulled myself from the bed and into the bathroom closing the door behind me.

*********

"You must be excited to have your love home tomorrow. What time are you collecting the lovely Miss Volturi from the airport?" My father and I had yet to really find the time to discuss what was going on in my life outside of our work in the hospital. He looked interested as he drove us to the hospital staff parking plot. "Tanya arrives at 4:30; I'm going to bring her back to the house before we have to attend the big game." My plans of attending the football game seemed to peak his interest further as I noticed his eye brows lift higher.

"You're taking Tanya along to the game? Well she really must have inherited a lot of her father's confidence. You don't see it like feeding the poor girl to the lions?" His voice tried to sound light but I knew he was trying to hide his shock at my decision to meet up and introduce Tanya to everyone. In hindsight I guess it was a little like that, but Tanya was strong and there had been plenty of occasions were I have seen her hold her own.

"Everyone will love her. We're going to be picking Bella up on the way and then meet the others. Emmett will be busy with the team so he'll meet her after. So really its not like throwing her in to a pit and leaving her face them all at once." _Or so I'm hoping. _

My shift went by so fast and I was being a little too cocky in thinking I could make it out of here early enough to shower, change and buy my "date" an over priced bunch of flowers from the hospital gift shop. My plans were put in to disarray when I had a very upset little boy with a broken arm and a very distressed mother in my care 30 minutes before the end of my shift.

"Umm Doctor Cullen there is just one more lady to see. She's in room 2." I turned to the quietly spoken nurse with sandy hair who looked just about old enough to ride a push bike. She looked scared of my reaction seeing as it was already 10 minutes after my finish time. I was just about to tell her to find someone else but the look on her terrified face makes me give in. It was best not to have the nurses scared or mad at you; the first thing you learn as a junior resident is the nurse can save a doctors caffeine starved body or they can sail you up the river with out a paddle. "Sure, But this is my last appointment for the day, I have plans this evening that I _must_ uphold." Turning towards the exam room door I put on my best smile "After all no one likes missing the trailers or forgetting their popcorn."

Opening the door whilst reading over the chart notes that the young nurse had given me I slowly absorbed the information, "Good day to you Mrs…." Looking up from the paper I was still confused as the name before me registered. What was Alice doing sitting there in my exam room and in my chair?

"Hey there doc. Listen I know we have a big date, and this is really not proper dating conduct but I need you to confirm a little something for me." I watched as my tiny friend patted her tummy and just glowed in front of me. "Alice...what are you....your asking your date for a pregnancy test? Because I have to tell you, that's really not the best way to start a date. Us guys normally like to wait until at least the 3rd date before we become fathers." I took the few steps over to her and wrapped her up into my arms in a hug to rival even one of Emmett's bear hugs. "Have you done a home test? How long are you overdue? Does Jasper know you're here?" The doctor in me was warring with the overjoyed friend. "Whoa there Uncle Edward, how about you put your doctor head back on and we'll answer those questions ok?" Alice had never seemed calmer or more "sparkly".

Twenty minutes later I had the very great pleasure in telling my oldest friend she was going to be a very yummy mummy, and that it was best to tell my dear friend Jasper their news while he sat down because I had the funny feeling this little piece of news may just shock the relax out of him.

"Oh Edward this is so amazing. I am going to have a little boy who is going to have the best family around him. You and Bella are going to have to be his god parents; I just know Jasper will agree that the 2 of you will make for the best guides in his life." Alice was buzzing in her seat as I drove her car to the movie theatre. "Alice your only twelve weeks, we don't know that it's a boy. I'd put you down for having a girl first." Her snort made me look over at her as I parked the car. "Oh please. When will you realise I'm always right? You people never learn, I just "know" these things."

We met Emmett and Rose at the confection stand in the lobby, Emmett's arms were already full with his snacks; there was enough candy there to give a dentist nightmares for weeks. "He's just worried about the game tomorrow." Rosalie rolled her eyes as she answered my look and head nod towards the excessive jelly beans he was popping like cherries.

We took our seats and waited for the film to begin. I sat at the end of the row next to Emmett; I figured it was an easy restroom exit seat, you know just in case the film was too painful and girly to sit through. I could make a break for it every now and then to wake my mind up from the most likely mind numbingly boring chick flick I was being subjected too.

"Can't believe I have to sit through this movie _again_. Dude we only saw it last night." Emmett whispered under his breath to me sounding a little fed up. "Oh and, likely story that Jasper has a "_dinner_" meeting with Bell's." He also sounded a bit annoyed at having to sit through the girl's favourite movie whilst Jasper didn't. His answer to ease the pain was to stuff even more candy into his mouth. "That jammy prick just wanted to get off having to watch it again. Because let's be honest here bro, he's _already_ married therefore his sex life is as nonexistent as Santa Claus...Once a year right buddy..." Emmett chuckled and elbowed me as best he could with his arms full of candy, "...if he's lucky." Another snort escaped the back of his throat. "Now _boyfriends_ on the other hand have to endure this; boyfriends _have_ to play nice; boyfriends _have_ to sit here watching this gooey mush; _boyfriends_ have no choice, otherwise _I_ might as well marry Rosie." I rolled my eyes at my brother's idiotic belief in marriage and tried to pinch a few jelly beans while keeping my fingers from being broken by the walking talking and almighty "thinking penis". "The only good bit is the fight scene." He continued as his words faded and the munching took over.

From where I sat I could hear the girls chatting but paid little notice until I heard Alice mention Bella. "She is just in that classic Bella mode. You remember how she got when he left, avoided games night and any time we planned together as a group." Rose was sipping her drink and I could see her blonde curl covered head bob in agreement. "Still can't believe she's missing tonight, she should be here. If only to put her game face on and get over that whole _announcement_ last week. We just need her to join us all again. Let her see that things can be different, but in the right way." Alice was now the one nodding her head as Rosalie put in her view of Bella. "Just wish she would stop running away, you'd think after 25 years the girl would be tired..." I couldn't hear the rest of their hushed conversation as Emmett began un-wrapping another box of candy and the music from the first trailer started.

For the next few hours while 2 pretty Hollywood actors fell in love so easily and obviously, I thought about Bella.

_For 25 years they said she had been running. 25 years? Was she running from me? They were used to her recent behaviour even going as far as to call it a "classic Bella mode". What am I missing? What am I not seeing? _

"Well that sucked ass. Again." Emmett's booming voice brought me out of my thoughts and back to the screen where the house lights were slowly brightening up the seats, and the movie credits were closing. "You'd think I would be able to tune it out by now, I've seen it enough to sleep right through it and _still_ know what happened. It's just so...I mean come on, _please_, the dude is such a stalker. If it were real life she'd be telling her dad the police chief that some creepy pale guy was watching her all the time and not telling said pale guy _'I dream about being with you forever'_. Pfff totally lame, right Eddie." Emmett looked over at me for agreement, of which came none.

"Only because you don't have a romantic bone in that sugar filled body of yours. Did you see the way he never let her go? The way he spun her around while they danced under the stars." Rosalie was in full "ahhh" mode as her and Alice revisited every line or main scene to each other and gushed over how perfect every detail was recreated from the book. I kind of agreed with Rose about the way he never let her go; I admired that in him; that he knew she was the one from the very first time he saw her. We said our goodbyes and left a sugar rushed Emmett to take home a very idealistic and loved up Rosalie.

The parking lot was emptying out as we walked through to Alice's car. Opening her door I offered to drive as she was beginning to look a little tired. Alice was peaceful on the drive home to my parents. I stole little side glances as she sat pensively looking out the window and rubbing her tummy lovingly every now and then. She seemed as contemplative as I was. "Alice what was Bella like when I left, to undertake my residency?" As if she was expecting the question she sat up and took a rather long breath.

"Honestly? It was a lot like how she is behaving now." She replied her eyebrows raising as she spoke the first sentence. "The whole avoiding everyone, and the sharp text messages. But you only get those when you push her enough to gain a response." Letting out her breath in a long sigh Alice seemed tired and thoughtful of her words. "I don't think my kidnapping her will help snap her out of it this time." Well that piece of information was new to me.

"You kidnapped her?" Alice gave a small giggle and nodded, "Sure did, I tricked her in to my car outside of the school and whisked her off to do lots of girl things. Well you know Bella the threat of Barbie time if she did not come back to us as a fully functioning Bella soon had our girl turning up for chilli and games." I joined Alice in her smile as I pictured a grumpy Bella putting up with Alice in full nail polish and hair braiding mode.

Pulling up in my parents drive way I turned off the engine and unclipped the seat belt. Just as I was about to open the door Alice put her warm hand on my arm making me face her. "Edward, I'm worried for her. This is not like last time. You have come home, but you never came back to _her_." We both sat there in silence, Alice's statement hung heavy in the air between us. She was right. I realised that now. No matter how much I wanted nothing to change I realised that it inevitably would. There was no other option. Change was a part of life. A heavy sigh left my chest and Alice seemed to notice the defeat building in me.

"Edward I can't wait to meet Tanya tomorrow. I'm sure she is just lovely and I promise not to over whelm her with my "pixie, plus 1" excitement." Her smile grew wider as she added the "plus 1" to her statement. "Thank you Alice. We will see you and the plus 1 tomorrow night at the game." I opened my door and walked around to escort Alice to the driver's side. "You just drive careful now mummy." I hugged her softly, kissing her spiky hair, and then opened the door for her. She lowered in to the driver's seat buckling herself up in one swift movement. I closed the door behind her and watched as Alice backed out of the drive; I stood there waving until I could no longer see the red tail lights.

*********

The flashing over head screen informed me that Tanya's flight had already landed and she would soon be through to arrivals. While I waited I looked around me and watched as children ran into their grandparent's arms, new friends greeted each other in handshakes, old friends in hugs, and I smiled as I watched young lovers rush towards each other after abounding their luggage in to passionate embraces. I tried to force down the wave of nausea as I watched a girl with chocolate brown hair wrap her legs around her lover's waist as he held her in his arms, it was like they were alone with out the world watching. So easy and so right.

"Edward!" Looking past the young lovers I saw her. Her strawberry blonde hair was as polished and sleek as always, her suit fitted her lean frame and she looked like she was ready for her day meetings with the hospital board rather then a weekend in a small town. Tanya's bag was huge and she had given up pulling it along as I moved forward to greet her.

"Hey look at you big city chick in the country." I smiled and wrapped her up into a hug. It was not until that moment that I realised just how much I missed having her with me.

*********

"So what big plans do we have in this town? I wasn't sure what the dress code was so I kind of packed for everything from a garden party to a formal dinner at the best bistro in town." She started to laugh and my whole car filled with the wonderful noise. "Irena said I packed way too much and that your parents are going to think I'm some spoilt fashion freak." I too started laughing and we soon fell into our easy banter about how perfectly she was going to fit in with my friends. Alice was going to love her; that much even I "just knew" in a borrowed freaky Alice sense.

We drove to my parents house and despite seeing the many pictures of my child hood home Tanya still seemed shocked at the size and over whelming presence the white house gave. "It's so big. Oh Edward you really were a lucky boy having such a beautiful home to explore and grown up in." I placed Tanya's bag in the hall way and no sooner the wheels hit the dark oak floor did my mother appear beaming standing next to my father.

"Mr and Mrs Cullen. How lovely to see you again. I was just saying to Edward you have the most magnificent home." Tanya approached my parents so formal; it was a lot like how she greets the hospital benefactor's. "Tanya I already explained its Esme and Carlisle, he may look old but then again he is a few years older then me." My mother chuckled as she hugged Tanya in a warm mothers embrace and pocked fun at my father. "Not older dear, it's wiser." He retorted as he lightly kissed Tanya cheek and offered her a drink. "Edward you take up Tanya's bag while you're father and I spoil our new daughter with milk and cookies." My mother was beaming as she wrapped her arm around Tanya's shoulder and pulled her into the kitchen.

With a faint smile and roll of my eyes I dragged the bag up the stairs towards our room. I could hear the soft giggles and chuckles coming from the kitchen and I was in no concern of their conversation. Knowing my mother she would be most keen in getting to hear all the wedding plans that Tanya had put together already, and I was sure my father would be interested to know how Aro was and how she found her way into the Hospital board.

My phone buzzed silently in my pocket and I noticed I had a new message from Bella. The smile on my face should have hurt with how wide it pulled at my lips.

_**OMG your brother is driving me insane! He's sugar crazed after spending the whole day eating jelly beans. Make sure you bring something sweet to help wean him off later. You still good for 6? B x**_

A small chuckle left me as I pictured a staff room full of calm and efficient teaching staff all watching the wired and rather pumped up bear pop jelly sweets while muttering on about the importance of a strong defence.

_**Sure thing. 6. See you then. E x**_

I typed my reply and hit send snapping my phone shut after.

"That's a rather stunning smile." I looked up and Tanya continued to speak as she stood in the doorway. "Wow this is your room." I nodded as she walked slowly into the center of the room pretending to be in an almost awe like state. "How many girls have you brought up here and had your wicked way with I wonder?" Tanya wiggled her eyebrows at me and we both started to laugh as she walked around my teenage room. She stopped in front of the large pin board which still hung over my desk covered in many years of memories certificates for silly school races or candy wrappers of my favourite childhood treats.

"She looks so pretty in all her photographs." Tanya gently ran her finger over a picture of Bella sitting in our tree house. It was taken many years ago during one of our super hero sleep over's. Bella's hair was in pig tails and her smile was so big you couldn't help but notice the missing teeth. "I really can't wait to meet Bella, you know see if the flesh Bella lives up to the picture Bella."

"You won't have to wait long, you remember me telling you about Emmett's boys making the finals?" Tanya nodded and smirked as she no doubt also remembered me telling her how everyone would be stocking up on the sweet stuff to help calm the bear down should they win or lose. "Well its tonight. We are going to be meeting the guys there later, but I did arrange to pick Bella up on the way. You ok with that?"

Tanya lost the smirk and a sad but knowing smile found its way to her face. "Of course it's fine with me. I would say go alone and make it a night for just you two and I will crash here and chat with Irena, but some thing tells me your mother is only minutes away from pulling out those naked baby photos and gushing about flowers or cakes. So I beg you, take me with you!" Her laughter and begging made me laugh harder and after promising to save her from the family photo album I left Tanya to change for the game while I went down stairs.

*********

"Oh darling she is just wonderful. Such a pretty young lady and so well spoken. I was only telling your father she is going to the picture perfect bride." My mother began her appraisal almost instantly and before I could grab a cookie.

"Mother please take a breath. Tanya is charming and I just knew you would adore her." I smiled and grabbed a handful of chocolate chip cookies whilst looking at my father with our code face for help with mother. "Esme, my dear wife. The beautiful Tanya is here for a few days; let's not over whelm the dear girl." My father chuckled as my mother put out her lip and grumpily folded her arms.

"Edward do we have time if I quickly call Irena?" Tanya had returned to the kitchen wearing jeans a black fitted sweater and her knee high heeled black boots. This was her dress down appearance and already I felt sorry for those dads and teenage football players. Tanya's tight jeans left no man or even woman with a fighting chance. "Sure you call her and I'll send Bella a text to tell her that we are on our way." Tanya smiled and pulled her blackberry out of her bag while walking out into the back garden to make her private call.

"You're taking Tanya to meet Bella now?" My mother did nothing to hide her shock from me. "Yes I forgot I was collecting Tanya from the airport and I had already accepted Bella invitation to escort her to the game. It's going to be fine, Tanya is really looking forward to meeting Bella and you know how easy going Bella is. Shy? Yes. But she's the warmest and gentle person I know." My mother just looked from me to the happy and chatty Tanya who was throwing her head back in laughter as she spoke to her friend. I pulled my phone from my pocket and began to type.

_**We're on our way. E x**_

I hit send, flipped my phone closed and popped it back into my pocket.

"Irena says hello and I am to tell you good luck with teaching me the rules of football after her many years of explanation have been lost on me." Tanya giggled as she put away her phone and zipped up her bag. "We good to go?" She looked to me and indicated to her outfit, obviously needing my assurance. "You look lovely, Bella will be ready for us by now so grab a jacket and we can go." I smiled and held open the kitchen door as we both said good night to my parents before making our way out to my waiting Volvo.

The drive to Bella's home took no time at all. She had bought the cute semi a close drive to my parent's home after her first year teaching. It was like the woman who owned it, modest and charming with hidden beauty. Pulling the Volvo up outside her drive way I never had time to cut the engine and exit the car to meet her; Bella was already locking her navy blue front door and even though she had her back to me I knew she was even more beautiful then the last time I saw her. Bella's hair was loose, falling in soft waves past her shoulder, her jeans were a nice blue and they looked a perfect fit to her soft frame. I made it to the end of her path before she turned around throwing her house keys into her messenger bag and I smiled when I saw the navy and yellow school t-shirt.

"Hey!" Bella's face lit up and she fell into my arms in a some what ungraceful movie swoon after she misplaced her footing on the front steps leading to her porch. "I love it when you faint at my very presence Miss Swan." I chuckled as she blushed that beautiful pink and delivered a playful slap to my chest but I was pleased that she did not pull away from me; it meant I could hold her and inhale some much needed "strawberry" breathes.

"How did you trick Esme into coming?" Bella had found her feet and was trying to look over my shoulder to the car. "My mother?" I spoke out loud in my confusion. Why did she think I had dragged my mother along to the game? We all know she's not the biggest fan of teenage boy rough housing.

Bella looked up at me and looking into those deep dark brown eyes I watched as confusion then panic flashed across her pale and beautiful face. Slowly she pulled away from my arms as she continued to look at me. "You text me. It said _'we're on our way'_. Edward who's _'we'_?" The small cough behind me answered her question and my heart broke that little touch more as I watched the hurt register in her face.

"Oh Edward you were right. She is just as pretty as her pictures."

This was not good. _Crap._

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	11. Chapter 11

**Change was coming. I could feel it. It wasn't a pleasant prospect, not when life was perfect the way it was.  
****Bella Swan****, **_**New Moon**_**, Chapter 3, p.60**

**I do not own Twilight. **

**Hey guys exciting news from my fab beta SKB30 she has started her new fanfic today. I love her idea and it's something you guys will love. If you have not read her first fan fic 'Breathe' go read it now, there should be a link on my profile! **

**Bella **

"The chief had some really great stories about some enemy of the tribe as well; he called them the "cold ones" and according to his legend this other clan of cold ones live in Italy. But you know as cool as the wolf sprits and shape shifting sounded I was more drawn to the legend of the Third Wife."

I sat next to Jake beside the crackling bonfire as he retold his amazing trip in such detail, and just like all the others I found myself hanging on his every word. His voice was so deep and as he began to retell the legend of the third wife I found myself leaning into his warmth.

"She was just this beautiful woman, and with no special shape shifting or magical power her act of love saved her whole tribe. The chief didn't even know her name." Jake sounded sad as he drew quiet towards a moment of reflection about this brave woman who had put her family and people before herself. Everyone sat peacefully together around the dulling fire wrapped in blankets or their lover's arms.

"My son the author. I still can't believe that little grease covered teenager who played with trucks turned into this well travelled young man of the world, who is soon to be a writer as well." Billy was proudly toasting to Jake and his exciting news that his travel diary and records of these amazing tribe stories had been turned in to a book. Like Billy I was also really proud of Jake and proud to be his friend. "To the wolf man!" We joined Billy in his toast raising bottles and nodding head towards Jake.

"Thank you." Jake whispered into my ear. I had no idea why he would be thanking me, I turned to face him to ask him why and I noticed how sad he looked. "It was nice having you here for me. It made it easier." I followed his eye line as I saw him looking broken towards a couple sitting across the fire. Leah's head was resting on Sam's chest and he was gently running his fingers through her long silky black hair. They looked so happy and in love. So happy that it hurt.

"Jake how are you really?" My heart ached as I saw him crest fallen. He looked away from the young lovers, "It's not so bad. I'll get over it. Who needs love when you have friends? Hurts less in the long run huh?" He looked back from the fire and stared at me, looking at me like I had the answers; I didn't, but I did had understanding. I gave his arm a gentle rub as we both picked up our beers each of us taking a long drink.

As I looked at Jake I really took the time to see him. The glow from the fire cast a warmth and shadow over his skin. His face was strong, his jaw line defined and chiselled like Edwards but sharper. His eyes seemed dark and deep they held a window to his soul; I could read them almost as well as I could Edward's. Jake looked back at me and must have caught me staring at him. "What?" Jake called me out on it. My mental filter seemed to be slipping and the words ran away from me, "You're sort of beautiful." Jake found this statement funny as hell and he stood up and pulled me up after him. He took my beer away from me and began shaking his head. "No more beer for Bella, it's going to her head."

He drove me home on the bike but never stayed; I think he just needed some alone time after his night. With my dinner meeting after school tomorrow and the big football game on Friday I was a little afraid to let Jake drive away from me. After a warm hug good night I locked my front door and began to berate myself for being so childish and feeling alone.

******************

"How was your day Miss Swan?" I looked up from my desk and smiled back at a very well dressed Mr Newton. "Mike what have I told you?" He looked a little embarrassed and corrected himself, "Sorry Bella."

Mike and I had both stayed late in school to mark papers before walking to the diner together to meet Jasper. Mike seemed jumpy and kept smoothing either his sleeves or his trousers and I found myself biting my lip trying to hide my giggles at watching him try to calm his "dinner date" nerves. I was half expecting Mike to tell me that if he ordered a second glass of soda that was my cue to leave.

Jasper was late; Mike and I had taken the booth in the far corner of the diner after Mike asked the waiter for some where "more private". I tried to appear in different but I was sure my shaking shoulders were giving me away. Jasper arrived a few minutes after the server had taken our drink orders.

"Hey Bella." Jasper pulled me into his arms and kissed my cheek, he seemed to hold on to me a little too long and tight. I could almost feel his apprehension at greeting Mike, who by this point had stood up from his seat and held out his hand to Jasper. "Mr Hale it's good to finally meet you in person after our fascinating phone conversation. Can I get you something to drink?" Mike rushed his words and seemed to only relax when Jasper shook his hand briefly before pushing me further into the booth so he could sit next to me. "Mike its Jasper, and it's good to meet you too." Jasper gave Mike a stiff curt smile as the server returned with my soda and Mikes wine.

"I'll have a beer thanks." Jasper grabbed up a menu and I had to hide behind mine when Mike started to jumble on about how he was watching his weight and how red wine offered more benefits and fewer calories compared to beer. Mike seemed to be fishing for some reassurance from Jasper that he looked fine as he was. "Mike you don't need to lose weight. You look fit. Right Jass?" I knocked Jasper hard in his ribs with my elbow knowing that his conformation mattered the most at this table. "Yeah you look fine man." At his comment Mike looked pleased and lifted his head slightly higher. "However if you were looking to get off a few pounds then Emmett is your guy." Jasper muttered uninterested from his menu.

The dinner was enjoyable. Mike was sweet and offered lots of enthusiasm for Jaspers work on the Civil War and once Jasper relaxed he seemed to be enjoying sharing his knowledge. After we finished our dinner and the plates were being cleared away Mike excused himself from the table leaving Jasper and I to wait for our desserts.

"Well this is going well. Despite the fact you were late for your date and you showed up without an offering of flowers or maybe some guy candies...I'm not sure what you're meant to give a guy on a first date actually....hmmm. Anyway then you insult the emotionally fragile man about his weight. Really Jasper did you not learn anything over your years of training with Alice?" I doubled over as I watched Jasper try to scare me with his moody face which may have worked on Alice when she's digging herself a hole but it was lost on me and it only made me laugh harder.

"Your very funny Bella, I can hardly breathe for laughing." Jasper's voice was dripping in sarcasm but his eyes sparkled as he hid his smile. "He's really a nice guy. He certainly knows his history; his students are lucky to have someone so knowledgeable." I raised my eyebrows at his comments and picked up my bag making it seem as though I was about to leave. "Well seeing as you two boys are getting along so well maybe I should just…" before I could slide away Jasper pulled me into his side and wrapped his arm tightly around me. "Don't you dare leave me, after his chicken salad with no dressing he never ordered dessert, and we both saw him looking at me like _I_ was dessert."

Mike returned just as my chocolate cake and Jaspers apple pie arrived. Jasper took a bite of his pie and I thought Mike might die as Jas moaned in his approval of the sweet tart. "Take it the pie was worth the wait?" Mike seemed to be looking at Jasper like he _was_ dessert and I nearly choked on my cake as he asked Jasper if he could try a bite. "Sure man here you go." Jasper cut the pie into half and slid half over towards Mike offering him the dessert spoon, while he continued to eat his half with the fork.

After we finished with dessert Jasper talked even more about Alice and how she was such an amazing wife but scary in her possessiveness over him, one time even calling her "one frightening little monster" after her behaviour when she caught someone checking him out. This made Mike swallow hard as he probably pictured some 200lb bunny boiler who would kick some woman's butt for looking at her man.

Mike offered to walk me back to school to collect my truck but Jasper assured him that he would see me home safely and that he wanted to grab another beer with me first. Mike seemed disappointed by the outcome of dinner from a personal point of view but he was overjoyed from a professional one as Jasper had offered him and the school many valuable recourses.

"Now I think you owe me this." Jasper picked up his new beer and tilted the bottle towards me. "Where have you been hiding? You have no idea how crazy Alice has been, when you're not around or in your zombie mode I have double the Pixie to tire out." I knew this was going to happen. In all honesty maybe my reason for being keen to set up the meeting with Mike was so that I could talk to Jass alone.

"I know and I'm sorry. But I have been so busy, school and Jake. The mid-terms coming up; it's really just that I don't have the time." Because I was lying I had to look at anyone or anything other than Jasper, but of course this was me and he knew I was full of crap.

"Bella. Just tell him. You owe it to yourself, but you also owe it to him." Jasper fixed me with his eyes and I never even tried to run off the normal we are just friend's pile of rubbish. I was tired and broken. Looking away from him I picked up my fresh soda and shivered as the ice cold drink reached my throat.

"Jasper if I tell him, then I'll lose him." Looking back up from the floor I cringed as Jasper's face looked sad and resolved. "Then you already have."

We sat in a sad silence both of us lost in our thoughts, and drinking my soda I now regretted not ordering a beer. Jasper paid for our share of the bill against all my protests and we walked towards the school car park to my truck. While walking I asked Jasper about the movie I had chickened out on last night. He said it was very romantic and that only the end was really guy friendly. We both laughed as I found out that Emmett had to go watch it again tonight as Rose and Alice wanted to see it "one last time"...or so Emmett thought.

"Bella I have always admired how you put other people ahead of yourself. You shop with Alice because it makes her happy; you play games on the xbox when no one wants to challenge Emmett; and you always find the good in people." Jasper opened my driver's door and had stopped me getting in. "You should make Edward happy, but most of all make _yourself_ happy. Just take the chance, I have a feeling you won't regret it." As I hugged him goodnight Jass leant into my ear and whispered the answer to my inner hidden feelings. "Because Bella…… you _are_ worth it."

All night I laid in my bed thinking about the simple words Jasper had said, _"Then you already have." _ He was as always right. By not saying anything and letting him get married I had lost him. What else did I stand to lose? I was already preparing myself to lose my friend, so would it really be so hard to lose him sooner by telling him?

It would be better to tell him and then lose him. That way alone late at night years from now I could look back and tell myself I was honest and that I was not good enough.

_Tomorrow at the game I will tell him. I will put my heart on the line and tell him. _

Looking over at the little alarm clock I smiled as I worked out I had only 16 hours to wait till I saw him. Even though I should have be sick with nerves at laying it all on the line for him, I was strangely peaceful and sleep took me away to my happy place with Edward in our tree house years from now.

************

"Thing is our boys have a powerful attack and that's good, but it's no good without a strong defence. We have to strike a good balance between risking it all for victory and protecting ourselves from being beaten." Emmett was pacing around in the staff room shaking out yet another box of jelly beans into his hand. This was the third time today I heard his speech about how important it was for the boys to up hold a solid line of defence.

"Bella!" Emmett swooped across the room and threw himself down on the couch next to me. "You're still coming right?" He was looking at me with his best puppy dog eyes, the ones he knew I never said no too. "Yes I am. Edward's picking me up at 6. I know how important this game is to you and the team, you've worked so hard and I would be letting down school spirit if I stayed home marking papers." Emmett's face lit up into the biggest smile and he offered me, for the first time today, some of his jelly beans.

"So Eddie is picking you up. That mean my baby brother and you are back on?" He playfully nudged my side as he tried to tease me. "He is, and you know what? I decided to take on some of that pep talk you have been going on about all day." Emmett stopped his nervous fidgeting and looked at me hard, almost like he was looking for something he missed.

"Don't look at me like that Emmett. You're not crazy I really did just say I was going to risk it all and tell him. I want to make those grandbabies for your mother with him; I want the whole deal with _him_. I have to give up the defence and place some of that strength into my attack." I don't know what stunned him more my confession of love for his brother or my use of football terms.

"Now that's more like my Bella." Emmett pulled me into his arms and I felt him squeeze all the air out of my lungs but I loved it. "About damn time you stepped up to the plate. You had me scared there for a while. I mean there I was thinking it was going to be a home run and knocked out of the field before you picked up your bat." I looked at Emmett all like you lost me but I don't care. Shutting my folders I leant back against the couch and ate some more jelly beans.

"I'm going to tell him on the way to the game. You know so we're alone in his car. That way if he rejects me and freaks out about me confessing my love to him I don't have an audience. Plus I know you guys are only across the car park and I can always get one of you to save me." My nerves were starting to kick in as I began to say my plan of confession out loud. Tonight I would either rescue my heart or I was going to really say goodbye to my best friend - forever.

"Hey, no negative thoughts. It's not good to psych yourself out before the game." Emmett put some more jelly beans in my hand and I lifted my head up from leaning back on the couch to look at him. "Edward has been in love with you since that first day in day care. Right after the chief dropped you off and you stood at that plastic table eating apple. You guys were meant to be together. Always have been, and after tonight you always will be." Emmett patted my knee and stood up from the couch stretching. He was not so good at the serious stuff and I knew he was feeling a little "fluffy" and "chicked out" right now. "Thanks Emmett. You always make me feel better." I stood up from the couch and hugged him. Whispering "love you" as I patted him hard on his solid back before adding "Go bears!" With a fist pump.

As soon as I got home I started my shower and sent Edward a text to confirm our plans, I even mentioned how Emmett had been the sugar junkie today. Edward must have picked up my text right away because his reply was instant. He made me smile and I hugged my phone to my chest before putting it on my dresser.

In the shower I made sure to wash my hair twice in my favourite strawberry scented shampoo. I have always used that brand after using it once in high school and Edward made the comment about how I smelt like his favourite candy. Of all his compliments or little remarks about how nice a colour looked on me or how nice I smelt I always remembered the shampoo one. It was the first compliment Edward had ever given me without being prompted by Rose or Alice.

We were sitting in our biology lesson and working together naming onion root cells, as Edward leant into the microscope to confirm my answer he stopped and asked if I could smell the strawberries. I had blushed deeply enough to feel my cheeks burning and I shyly mumbled it was this new shampoo for curly hair. That was when he pulled a loose curl between his fingers and said it smelt perfect on me_, "just like those yummy single candy's you get in the sparkly wrappers." _

As I was pulling on my favourite blue converse my phone buzzed with a new text, flipping up my screen I saw the tiny Tinkerbelle picture and nervously pressed the silver key pad to read Alice's message.

_**Just got here to help Rose set up. Emmett keeps going on about some killer pep talk and how he is now a motivational speaker? Must be the sugar ;) You better not be bailing out on us again! A xx**_

My inner voice groaned as I regretted telling Emmett my plans of declaration. _He better of kept his big motor mouth shut and not told Rose or god forbid Alice. _There would be no end of talking if I had to face those two later on as well.

Just as I was thinking what to send Alice back as a reply my phone buzzed again and it was a new text from Edward. The butterflies fluttered around my tummy and my heart sped up as my nerves kicked in again.

_**We're on our way. E x**_

By the fifth time of reading his short but informative text I was pretty confident that the _"we're"_ part indicated Esme had finally caved in after all these games and agreed to attend one. I read the message one more time and convinced myself it was Esme, or maybe Carlisle. With time running out I quickly pulled out my old school t shirt and pulled it over my head. It was a lot more fitted now then it was all those years ago, but looking at myself in the mirror I smiled and pulled on a quick flick of lip gloss.

Running down the stairs I grabbed my bag off the end of the banister and pulled the door closed behind me. My hands shook as I tried to lock my front door, my heart raced and my nerves were mixed heavily with excitement. My head was running over and over all the things I wanted and needed to tell him. How much I loved him and that it had always only ever been him. I was so lost in my rehearsal of how to tell him that I never heard the car park up alongside the drive way.

As I turned to wait for him at the end of my drive I was stunned to see him waiting for me at the bottom of my porch steps. "Hey!" my voice sounded so excited and nervous even to me. As I rushed to hug him I missed the second to last step and almost fell flat on the path in front of him, but he'd never let me fall in the past and before I met the ground his strong arms were wrapped around me pulling me close to him.

My eyes closed and I smiled inhaling his sweet and masculine smell, it smelt like home. "I love it when you faint at my very presence Miss Swan." Edwards's velvet voice chuckled at me and I could hear his smile. My face began to burn as I felt a silly blush cross my cheeks, playing on his playful comment I slapped his chest but did not pull away from him. My smile grew as I felt him take some deep breaths of my hair.

I was right where I wanted and needed to be.

Suddenly hearing the click of a car door I remembered Esme and felt embarrassed at our movie embrace, and my rudeness at not greeting her. "How did you trick Esme into coming?" I was dying to know how after all the games we had tried to drag her along to Edward managed to get her to come. Looking up into his confused face I felt panic rush through my body and my blood ran cooler when he spoke in clear confusion. "My mother?" Edward looked down at me and knew from his eyes I was wrong. I had foolishly convinced myself into believing Esme was the "we". Pulling myself out of the security of his arms I tried to control my panic and fear.

"You text me. It said '_we're on our way'_. Edward who's _'we'_?" My voice sounded so lost and like it was being spoken by someone other than myself, my head was screaming at me to wake up and realise just how stupid I had been. My heart began to break and begged for my head to be wrong.

The small cough behind him answered my questions and confirmed what I had known all along. Edward stepped a little back from me and the sweet sickening voice made the butterflies turn into crashing waves of nausea.

"Oh Edward you were right. She is just as pretty as her pictures." Edward dropped his head and I watched as his eyes closed and he turned to the side. My eyes took in for the first time the woman who had taken away everything I ever wanted.

Tanya was everything I wasn't. Tall, lean and strikingly beautiful. Her clothes made her look like a super model and I suddenly felt like the ugly, bookworm that had fallen for the oldest high school joke; believing that the gorgeous popular boy had asked me to the prom over the beautiful popular "Jessica Stanley's" of the dating world.

"Bella this is Tanya; Tanya this is Bella." Edward sounded like a robot as he spoke flatly and waved his hand between us. His eyes never left my face and I was very aware of him trying to read my reaction to his fiancée.

As fast as I physically could I fixed my Bella best friend mask and smiled brightly in return to the beauty queen smiling back at me with her perfect teeth. "Lovely to finally meet you Tanya." I stepped forward and stiffly offered out my hand in a friendly hand shake. My head was begging her to just shake it swiftly and let us drive in "Cullen" speed to the school and the waiting safety of my friends.

"Oh it's so wonderful to meet you." Tanya quickly rushed forward and wrapped me into a strong hug. My whole body felt ridged with tension and I reluctantly placed my hands on to her slender frame. "Edward has spoken of you so much I feel like we already are the very best of friends." Tanya seemed to be squeezing me harder and she kept on talking to me like a long lost friend. "You really are just a soft and warm as he said you would be." Tanya pulled back a little way and I felt her cold blue eyes rack over me in her appraisal. "You really are as pretty as all those pictures."

Sensing my discomfort Edward cleared his throat and Tanya looked away from me and her smile beamed as she looked at him. "I think we better get to the game, from what I have been hearing Emmett is already flying high and I think all hands will be needed to keep the big bear grounded." Edward stepped across the path and opened the back door of his silver Volvo. Tanya never let go of me instead she grasped hold of my arm firmly and wrapped hers through it.

When we reached the car Tanya went towards the back seat, "No Tanya you sit in the front with Edward." I forced my voice to sound friendly and indifferent, but inside I was breaking down fast and hard.

"I'm sitting in the back with you silly. We have so much to talk about and I just know you and I are going to become just as close as you and Edward are." Her voice was light and musical and Tanya never gave me the chance to refuse before I felt her pulling my arm down inside the back of the car. Edward closed the door behind me and moved swiftly to the driver's seat.

My body was fighting the need to crumble and project the image of a friendly and open Bella who was pleased to meet her newest friend. My smile pulled against my trembling lips as I willed myself not to cry. Whatever Tanya was talking so happily and excitedly about I would never remember, but I knew I would always remember the pain in my chest as I watched his eyes in the small rectangular mirror.

Never had I been more thankful for Edwards's reckless speeding. As soon as the car stilled in the over flowing school car park I threw open the door in a desperate need for space and air. Pulling fast breaths of air I open and closed my eyes forcing my body to regain some form of composure.

"I see his driving has the same effect on you as it did on me the first time I took a ride with him." Tanya was standing beside me and I felt her hand soothe my back in tiny circles. "Deep breaths help Bella. Of course after taking plenty of trips with him I have found myself immune to his speed demon ways." Even her giggles were perfect in their musical tone and I felt sicker and more inadequate by the second.

"I just need to wash my hands and cool myself down. Please excuse me while I nip to the bathroom." I force the words to sound calm and light as I dashed past Tanya and side stepped a still quiet Edward in my rush towards the double doors of the school. I faintly heard her mention coming with me but Edward had stopped her saying they should let me have a moment and get us something to drink instead.

Once inside the safety of my class room I fumbled through my bag and opened my phone. I knew he was busy with his friends but right now I needed to feel the sun.

"Bella?" His voice was soft and strong, I felt the over whelming sense of relief when he answered my call on its second ring. The moment his voice reached me I felt the tears as my chest shook in a violent sob. "Stay there I'm on my way. It's going to be ok. You're going to be ok."

I wish I could believe him.

**This was rather draining. **

**I really do have to say a huge thank you to my beta and best friend SKB30 who always makes the time to work through these chapters and my ideas. **

**Sending on your reviews always makes her just as happy as they do me and it's a great encouragement to our efforts. Remember any review is better than no review. We'd rather know if you hate it so we can fix it, rather than carry on doing something you hate. Some reaction is better than no reaction at all I say!**

**As I said up there ^^^^ SkB30's story "Breathe" is in my favourites and there should be a link in my profile, but if not copy and paste this link taking out the spaces - www . fanfiction . net / s / 5214790/1/Breathe**

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	12. Chapter 12

Don't you see, Bella? Its one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved.  
Edward Cullen, _Twilight_, Chapter 9, p.190

**I do not own Twilight. **

**Edward**

"I just need to wash my hands and cool myself down. Please excuse me while I go to the restroom." Bella was looking paler then ever, and even though she tried to control her voice after our years of friendship I knew she was putting her very best effort into her deceit.

"Wait I'll come with you." Tanya turned to follow the rushed exit Bella had just made from the car but right now I knew she really jut wanted to be alone. "I think Bella will be fine. Let's go meet the others and collect something cool for her to drink after she's collected herself." I offered Tanya my arm and we walked away from the main school building, towards the football grounds. "Anyway Alice will be disappointed if I keep you away a moment longer." Tanya smiled and started to talk about how keen she was to meet Alice and talked about her educated eye for fashion. While she spoke I found my interest waning in our conversation and my head unconsciously turning on the occasion to watch the retreating doors behind me.

"Edward!" Alice's voice could be heard like clear church bells over the gathering students, staff and parents all taking their seats ready in support of their team. Jasper was cautiously holding on to his wife as she jumped up on the narrow wood stand in her attempts to catch our attention. "That just has to be Alice, right?" Tanya quickly turned her focus from the dark pixie and smiled at me not needing my confirmation.

"Hi I'm Alice." Alice wrapped Tanya into a warm hug, "Wow….that's the new Marc Jacobs." I assumed Alice was referring to Tanya's attire. "Oh just feel how soft the cashmere is. The colour is classic and it really makes your eyes shine. You know black can wash some people out, but it's perfect on you." Alice was talking a mile a minute and I found myself smiling as Tanya began to giggle. "Yes it is. wow Edward wasn't wrong you really know your fashion and you can out talk the very best of them."

"Tanya this is my good friend Jasper, he has the very great pleasure of being married to this little freak." I bumped Alice's should gently as Jasper exchanged a guarded introduction with Tanya. While Tanya shook his hand I noticed Jasper was looking towards the field below us and not paying his normal gentlemanly attentions to the lady in front of him. Following his stare I noticed how he almost seemed to be in a silent conversation with Rose.

Rose walked away moments later and after a whispered word into Emmett's ear I almost wanted to shrink away from their glare. Holding their stare I raised my eyebrows in question to their expressions. My only response was an eye roll from Rose who patted Emmett thick upper arm before exiting the field. My normally open and happy brother gave me a harsh smile before turning his attention back to the hyped teenagers now huddled together pumping themselves up for their biggest game.

"On no that's just Emmett. Honestly he's just over fuelled on Jelly beans. Trust me he's really just a teddy bear. He was probably trying to psyche out the other teams coach. Right Edward?" Alice shoved my side hard as I turned my attention back to my present company. "What?" Alice looked at me and faster then I thought I could notice flicked her eyes to a worried looking Tanya. She had obviously witnessed my exchange with my brother and the ice queen.

"Oh yeah, that's just Emmett getting his game face on." I rolled my eyes and offered Tanya a seat next to Alice. Jasper and I seated ourselves on each end. As I sat there my thoughts were not on the game or the charged atmosphere; they were with the hurt brown eyes I had just spent the last 20 minutes trying to read from the rear view mirror.

The cheer squad were working the crowd and the catchy beat of their music had almost everyone cheering or clapping in time - everyone apart from Jasper, who was sitting so stiffly it looked awkward. I noticed him look nervously towards the school main entrance and flicker his glances towards me every few seconds. If I had not been so lost in my own concerns for Bella's sudden change in behaviour I would of given his and the others looks at me more thought.

"After seeing Esme's garden this afternoon I just feel like it's the perfect place for us to get married." When Tanya mentioned my mother I turned my attention back to her and Alice. "I especially loved her rose garden. Of course there would be a lot more work in arranging a wedding in a home garden over a hotel or private gardens but there was something so intimate and romantic about it when I was standing out there talking to my very dear friend on the phone earlier this evening." As Tanya seemed lost in her thoughts it was now Alice's turn to throw nervous glances at me.

"Sounds wonderful. I can just see how happy Esme will be; she has spent many years working on her garden. When were you thinking? Next Spring?" Alice turned herself more towards Tanya and I could no longer see her face.

Before Tanya could answer the whole crowd stood up in cheers as one of Emmett's boys scored. I was so lost in listening in on Tanya's conversation and in my thoughts of Bella that I never saw her and Rose join our bench.

Jasper stood up quicker then a flash and offered Bella his seat next to Alice. _And as far away from me,_ I quickly thought to myself. Bella kept her head down as she shuffled towards the end of the row in front of us. Her face was hidden behind her long chocolate hair and I noted how her shoulder seemed dropped in defeat, but on passing us they seemed to tense up again. My attention was taken away from watching Bella when I felt a sharp pinch on the upper fleshy part of my arm, gasping in shock I turned to look beside me and was met by Rose's ice cool eyes. Her lips were pressed into a hard line that was so tight her outer lip line was white. My face looked at her saying _what the hell was that for?_ But I never got an answer as Tanya began introduce herself to Rose.

That was when Rose turned from her "royal bitchy highness" and back into the indifferent friend and girlfriend to my big brother. "Pleasure to meet you too, Tamara." Rose's voice was light and friendly but her deliberate use of the wrong name made me look at her with a scowl and she was quick to correct herself with out myself or Tanya doing so. It was one thing to be pissed at me for something I had no clue about but another to offend Tanya who had done nothing to deserve it.

Looking along the line of my friends my eyes found the side profile of Bella and I watch her feign interest in the exciting game in front of her. Jasper was whispering in to her ear and I watched how his hand patted her carefully on her shoulder. At one point I watched how Bella looked up and gave a soft smile at something he had said and I found myself growing more and more jealous of my friend and his easy ability to touch her.

"Rose is extremely beautiful." Tanya leant into my side and spoke quietly into my ear. "She has a very regal quality about her. I can certainly see why everyone looks at her more then once in a passing glance." Looking away from the field where Emmett was having a heated talk with the ref who had just given a very hard to believe ruling I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. "Rosalie makes a very formal and cold first impression." Looking over Tanya's shoulder I stopped to look at Rose who was shouting her disapproval at the ref along with Jasper and Alice. Bella, I noticed seemed more interested in her phone. "Her looks are attractive and to some may be considered beautiful, but I prefer a more classic and deep inner beauty." I added as Tanya giggled and went back to watching the game.

The ref called half time and most of the people around us left to refill their drinks or grab more snacks. Looking across our bench I watched Bella who for the first time since coming to join us had lifted her head up and was talking with Rose and Jasper. From where I was sitting I could not hear their conversation but looking at Alice who was listening to Tanya talk about the newest looks from Paris fashion week I knew she had one ear tuned into their private discussion.

"Nothing to eat, just lemonade for me, thanks you." Bella called out after Rose who had started to slide out of the row and towards the vending stand at the bottom. Rose stopped to ask Alice and Tanya if they wanted anything, Alice asked for some soda and Tanya politely declined stating she was happy with her bottle of spring water.

As Rose passed me she never stopped or even looked in my direction, instead she made a really deliberate effort to step her spiked heel on to my converse covered toes. I frowned at her in disbelief that she had made a conscious decision in her mood to step on me. Rose simply faked a sweet smile at me and continued to walk away.

I had to confront her, find out what her problem was and why I was the one receiving all her attacks, so I followed her out from the row and down to the vending stand. Rose asked the young guy behind the stand for 3 lemonades and small bag of snacks. When the guy looked past her shoulder to me she followed his glance, "That's all." She spoke sharply as she looked away from me and back to the very dazzled and intimidated vendor. "Edward pleases himself. Don't you." Her words were dripping in venom and I found myself becoming more and angry with her.

"What the hell is the problem Rosalie?" I leant forward and spoke in a very unlike me harsh whisper. "Nothing. As ever you just run along and pretend that this little world you live in doesn't affect us. You just leave us to pick up the pieces." Rose turned around slammed down the money for their sodas and left me standing there still none the wiser to her ice treatment and as blank faced as the dazzled soda guy.

Standing frozen to the spot I could not even begin to let my mind try to work out what had gotten Rosalie so mad at me. Granted she was not the warmest or the most open of my friends to read but where all this new anger at me had come from I was totally clueless. "Did you want anything?" The young guy behind the stand seemed to have regained the use of his mind as he went back to clearing the line that had formed behind me while I was lost in my thoughts. I shook my head and walked briskly away from him and back towards our group, I looked up as I climbed the stairs and like some kind of gravity my eyes found hers.

Bella looked less pale now, her eyes appeared sad but she at least found the strength to smile at me. My returning smile was easily found, just as I was about to mouth the question are you ok? Alice must have asked her a question and Bella looked away from me and turned to face the group of women now chatting together rather excitedly.

"Emmett's a sure win. His team have really played well tonight." Jasper had taken Tanya's seat and I sat down next to him. "Yeah they certainly deserve it. I know how hard they have been working." I looked back to the field where the teams had taken their places back on the pitch ready for the final half of the game.

Watching the teams beat it out for the winning point. Tanya watched the game while chatting with Alice. Rose had gotten up 15 minutes before the game finished and went to sit close to Emmett. No doubts to help with his tension, as the boys were now trying to maintain the win they had.

While everyone around me seemed to be enraptured in the game I stole the chance to look at Bella. Her hair was shining in the evening sun and the red undertones of her curls were even more noticeable. She was paying such attention to the game that she had to be nudged in the ribs by Alice to answer one of her or Tanya's questions.

The roar of the stands and the celebrations on the field signalled the end of the game and the victory won by the bears. Emmett hugged each of the boys and shook hands with their worthy foes that in all fairness had played well and taken defeat like gentlemen.

"Edward?" Tanya had interrupted my moment of staring at Bella's breath taking smile and happiness as she shared her congratulations with the few students seated near us. I turned my attention back to her. "Alice asked if we were planning on joining everyone back at her and Jaspers for a celebratory drink." I looked over Tanya's shoulder were Alice was giving me a pleading smile and I nodded my head. "Of course. You sure you're up for it?" Tanya smiled and picked up her jacket from the wooden bench and slipped it on.

We all exited the stand and made our way towards the car park. "Emm and Rose will join us in a few. Emmett just wants to talk to the team before he "gets his freak on" or something like that." Jasper was opening the car door for Alice while he told us what Emmett and Rose's plans were.

Standing next to Alice Bella looked slightly tense and pale. _Was this really all a reaction to my driving?_ My head began to question why she looked so stricken with nerves at travelling in my car. "I don't think I can join you." Bella's voice was soft and if I was not standing so close to her I would never have heard her. Looking away from our eye line and staring at her feet I knew she was lying. "I don't feel well. Let me call a cab or grab a lift home with Mike Newton. I think he's still here."

Alice and Tanya quickly took to standing either side of Bella both attempting to ease her discomfort. "Edward you take Bella home and Tanya can ride with us." Jasper offered Tanya the front seat of his car. Bella looked up from the ground and I watched as she gave him a strange look. "No its ok. You guys should go on. I can't ask you to drive me home." Bella was trying to argue but I cut in and stopped her fussing.

"Bella get in the car. Who else is there to take you home?" I smiled hoping she would for once do as she was asked and climb into the front seat the Volvo. Bella shook her head and rolled her eyes frowning like she was in pain, when she looked up at me I was mesmerised by the breath taking smile that she smiled only for me, and once again it filled me with love and warmth just like it had a few hours ago on her path at home.

"I can take Bell's home. You guys should just go ahead with your celebrations. I got her from here." Jacob Black's deep voice made the warmth leave my body as I watched Bella rush forward in to his wide open waiting arms. "Jake!" He circled his arms around her in a tight grip before letting her go to say her goodbyes.

Tanya kissed Bella goodnight, making Bella promise to join us tomorrow night at my parents for the small BBQ my mother was pushing to hold. Bella smiled and promised she would if she was feeling better. Alice also kissed her cheek sweetly before wishing Jake a good night also.

Jasper approached Jake with more reserve but I was shocked when he nodded his head toward him in answer to some kind of silent question. Bella was wrapped into a brief hug and again I watched how Jasper rubbed a series of soft circles down her back. What ever he said to her she smiled weakly and nodded in answer.

"Bella if you are not feeling well I really don't think riding on the back of some bike is really safe." I did not like the idea of her travelling on the back of a bike if she was less then fully aware of herself.

"I have the Rabbit, trust me Eddie she's gonna be fine. Come on Bell's lets get you home." Jake turned away from us and walked towards the red VW parked on the far side of the parking lot.

"Sorry to ruin the night. I just can't begin to face a night of Emmett post game." Bella began to rush her way through her words as she evidently felt guilty for leaving. My heart was pumping the now raging hot blood through my body as I yet again had to watch her leave with the dog.

"Just be safe. Can you call me later let me know your ok?" I tried to sound like a concerned friend rather then the jealous and possessive fool I was feeling, opening my arms as I approached her to hug her goodnight I was shocked to watch her step back from me like I would bite.

"Just go enjoy your night. I will text you." Bella paused to look behind her at the mutt who had opened the passenger door to his rust bucket of a banger. Bella took a ragged breath as she looked back at me, her eyes looked glassy and her voice was whisper like again. "Tanya is a very beautiful and I can see how easy it is for you to have fallen so deeply in love with someone like her."

Unable to move or look away I watched Bella cross the cold stone distance and sit down carefully in the seat offered by Jake. Moments later Jake pulled swiftly out of the empty car park and took her away from me again.

* * *

My night was becoming more and more confusing. Emmett and Rose had finally got to Alice and Jaspers where we were gathered in their small and stylish sitting room sharing drinks. Emmett had mentioned something about needing more beer and Jasper followed him out to the kitchen, but not before giving me a very point look.

The girls were looking over Alice's wedding album. Tanya was paying close attention to the fashion, she especially loved Alice's dress and they were talking about the possibility of Alice designing Tanya's dress. Rosalie appeared to be paying some attention to the conversation but she seemed more interested in mentioning how the colours Alice chose brought out the best in Bella's complexion or how the cut of the dress framed Bella's delicate shoulders perfectly.

Like I needed Rose's reminding. Bella had looked simply the picture of grace and classic beauty in the petal pink satin and lace dress as she walked towards the alter ahead of Alice. That day had been one of the happiest we had all ever shared, I know I would never forget the tears the girls spilt when Jasper made his speech, the laughter we found in Emmett's dance move's or lack there of. But I would always remember the vision of her walking towards me, blushing a sweet light pink to match her dress.

Leaving the girls to their fashion talk I left to join Jasper and Emmett. I found them sitting out on the back decking talking in hushed whispers that they quickly stopped when I pulled back the patio doors and walked out on to the decking to join them. "What's going on?" I asked them both directly no longer wanting to avoid the obvious private conversations. "First Bella freaks out over my driving, something that has not happened since I past my test. We get to the game and you're giving me a look like I'm some kind of idiot," I looked over at Jasper before turning my attention to my brother, "and then I look over to the pitch where you and Rose are looking at me like I am the world's biggest jackass. If this is about Tanya then you all need to back off." They both looked at each other and I could see they were each debating on who was going to tell me just what the hell was going on.

"This has nothing to do with Tanya. This is about _us _being the biggest jackasses." Emmett took a large swig from his glass bottle and I pulled out the spare wooden chair and sat back, lost even further in my confusion. "If this is about you being the idiots then why the hell am I the one getting the looks? Rose has never been more filled with venom for me." I took a much needed drink from my beer.

"We messed up big time. I messed up. She's never looked so…" Emmett started to talk and nothing he said made any kind of sense to me. Jasper sat silent beside him and a few minutes later he spoke, "I think what Emmett means is we have let Bella down. We had no idea you were bringing Tanya with you to the game this evening and if we had known then we would never have encouraged her." Jasper was looking calm but I could hear the deepest regret in his voice.

"Encouraged her? Bella? What has Bella got to do with?" As I began to voice my thoughts in search of answers or self found conclusions they both looked at the floor. "What? One of you better start talking simple English or I am about to go crazy. If you guys know something then I think you better just tell me."

"She loves you jackass." Emmett broke my ranting his voice sounded defeated and resigned. "I gave some stupid talk this morning in the staff room about putting energies into attack and risking everything for victory." I looked at my brother like he had lost his mind to a sugar overdose. "Last night Jasper got her to finally admit it to him, but more importantly to herself that she loves you and that if she never told you that she was gonna lose you. Then I pump her up with my stupid pep talk and between us we set her up like a god damn fool."

My head began to hurt. The tension and pressure reached its highest point and not even pinching the bridge of my nose between my fore finger and thumb was easing the pain.

"If I had known she was going to tell you tonight on the way to the game I would have called her and warned her Tanya would be coming. Alice mentioned it late last night but I had no idea Bella had finally got the strength and courage together." Jasper lent forward and placed his hand on to my shoulder squeezing it firmly. "It wasn't until we got to the game and Emmett could no longer keep Bella's plans to tell himself. But by then it was too late to warn Bella."

_That's why she was so pleased to see you! No wonder she looked so pained sitting in your car. Oh god. She loves you! She must hate me now. Jake? She's been spending so much time with him surely they have to be together? _My head was filled with numerous questions and feelings. Some of joy at knowing she wanted me and loved me. Others were gut wrenching in knowing how hurt she must have felt seeing Tanya.

What was I meant to do now? My life was fast spiralling out of control. I needed someone to guide me, I needed my best friend. I needed _her_.

"I think I need to go home. I should take Tanya back." I stood up and it almost felt like I was watching myself from the other side of the glass patio doors. "Speak to her… yeah... I should… I have to leave" I pushed back the wooden chair picked up the green glass bottle and sliding back the door I walked away from my 2 friends and called for Tanya. She looked confused at my rush to leave but complied none the less.

"Edward, I need to talk with you. I don't think we can.." I stopped Tanya not wanting to hear or even begin to think our relationship. "Not right now, ok? I just need to drive." I needed to drive and I needed to think.

Tanya understood my need; we both shared the need for space and liked to drive when clearing our minds or working over our thoughts. "I need to return some e-mails and I promised to call Irina before bed. You can take me back, then if I may suggest something?" Tanya looked across the small dark space of my car judging whether to continue I gave a swift nod. "Talk to her. Don't hide away. Talk"

I watched Tanya exit my car and open the front door, she looked back towards me and shared a sad smile. I waited for the main lights to glow from inside the house before I threw the car into drive and pulled out of the winding drive and out on to the main high way.

_Time to face the truth Cullen. You love her, it's always been her. _The last four years meeting Tanya building my career living alone in a different place far from the safety and guidance of my friends and family it had made me a man. A man that was strong. A man that wanted to live. A man who was committed. A man that knew his heart.

I can't continue to be scared; if Bella was facing the fear and really going to take the chance of _us _then it was time to be the man she wanted and the man who deserved her.

I passed our old play ground, suddenly I wanted to stop and walk around the deserted little park. I pulled in to the small parking lot and exited my car. The climbing frame was still there, the metal bars were covered in chipped red and blue paint but I could still see the shiny new dome that Rosalie Hale climbed to the top of and lifted her skirt and flashed her 10 year old panties at a 12 year old Emmett. That day sealed my brothers fate, he has been lost to Rosalie's panties ever since.

The swings were new, taking a seat I gently rocked the black rubber seat back and forth, hearing the metal links squeak I smiled thinking about how Alice would sit facing Jasper and together they always swung as high as they could. Alice has never doubted that she and Jasper would always reach new heights together. She was right, the small new life growing inside her was proof that their newest high was right on the horizon.

A cool breeze made some of the white blooms fall from the over hanging branches of the large magnolia tree, their fluttering decent to the ground made me look up. That's when I saw her.

"_Bella! Come down, your missing out on ice cream." Bella was sitting on the lowest branch of the tree. Her glasses slipping pass the bridge of her nose and her hair falling like a curtain that she always hid behind. Bella put her book back on top of her bend knees and looked between the branches down to me. _

"_Huh?" She looked lost in thought no doubt still in the land of fiction. I climbed up and wobblely took a perch in front of her. I was eating my strawberry cone and I remember how she always blushed like the pink colour of my favourite sweet ice treat. _

"_You know things like this don't exist" I tapped her beat up story book and offered her some of my ice cream. Still thinking but licking my ice cream Bella looked up, placing the purple and silver bookmark, that I had given her for her birthday that year, between the pages she smiled leaning into me, "They do in my world." _

Bella always sat in that tree, when everyone would be playing games or betting to see who could swing the highest I could always find her lost in her stories high above the playground and always ready to share my daily summer treat.

Standing under the old strong tree I looked up lost in thought.

_What am I going to tell her?_

My inner voice from the last 25 years started to shout louder and louder, "The truth! Tell her the truth!" And it was right.

My arrival to the little wooden porch pasted like a dream and before I knew how or when I got here I found myself walking towards her front porch, taking few paces forward then retracting all the way trying to gather my thoughts.

_Deep breaths._

"_Bella I love you. I have always loved you. You are my life. I can not go on lying to my friends, to you, or to myself." _In my head it made perfect sense and I smiled as I shakily reached forward to knock on her door.

Moments felt like hours as my heart thumped against my ribs, but the feeling was out shadowed by my overwhelming love. _"She loves you, Jackass_!" I could hear Emmett's booming voice in my head and it made my smile, if possible even bigger.

The little brass porch lamp lit up the small wooden porch and I noticed the very same book mark on the floor that I had been remembering in the playground. As I was picking it up from its fallen place between the dark wooden slats her door opened and the hallway light brightened the little area. Losing all prepared words I started to lose my nerve.

"It's late. 25 years late but I came to tell you…" picking up the book mark running my fingers over it to wipe off the dirt I froze.

Jacob Black stood shirtless in Bella's doorway. His hand gripping the top of the door and his whole being looked comfortable in her home. "Jake I know its way to small for you but I have one of Edward's old college shirts here…" Bella was skipping down the stairs laughing and smiling as she appeared behind him.

The sudden feeling of nausea meant I never stopped. My whole body propelled me from her home.

From their happy home.

I made it too the grassy lay by before I had to pull over my car to expel the vomit from my aching body.

They were wrong. I was wrong.

She was not my Bella.

**Thank you to my beta SKB30 who finds the time to help make my chapters the best I can even while writing the best ever story of her own. (trust me ladies this Edward is going to be the thing dreams are made of ;o)**

**Please review xxxx**


	13. Chapter 13

Jacob was waiting for me. My chest seemed to relax as soon as I saw him, making it easier to breathe.  
Bella Swan, _New Moon_, Chapter 7, p.162

**I do not own Twilight. **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed you guys rock! **

****

"_Bella?" _His voice was soft and strong, I felt the overwhelming sense of relief when he answered my call on its second ring. The moment his voice reached me I felt the tears as my chest shook in a violent sob._ "Stay there I'm on my way. It's going to be ok. You're going to be ok." _

_I wish I could believe him. _

Taking some much needed breaths I forced myself to calm down. I could hear the very sharp clicks and taps of designer heels approaching my sanctuary, and for a moment I was unable to move, breathe or focus on anything but my panic that Tanya had followed me.

With the phone still pressed against my heated cheekbone I looked up from the spot where I sat against the classroom wall in time to see Rosalie standing in the wooden door frame. Her face was cold but as I looked in to her eyes a sympathetic smile graced her angelic beauty.

"No. It's ok Jake. I have to do this." I looked back from Rose and re-focused on the phone call and tried to stop Jake from ruining his evening plans with his tribal brothers. "It was a shock. It's just a shock. Your right I will be ok."

"_Save me a glass of wine and spot on the world's comfiest sofa I will be round later with all the juicy gossip from the res."_ Jake's sun like warmth even reached me from the cold hard metal block in my hand and it shocked me to feel a smile, be it a very weak one but still I found his words a comfort.

"Really I'm ok Jake. Speak to you tomorrow." I heard Jake's friends arriving and I felt guilt sweep over me. "But thanks." I closed the phone down and its slight snap seemed to bounce off the walls in the silence.

"Sorry about that. Just feeling a little shaky, Edward seems to still drive like..." Rosalie crossed the hard floor and knelt down beside me, putting her arms around me and pulling me in tightly, cutting off my half hearted explanations.

"No more lies. You're not shook by his driving, but rather his idiotic actions of bringing _her._" Rose sounded so cold and I wanted to cringe from her tone. "Emmett told me." I pulled away from her and looked confused. What had Emmett told her? "He told me how you got all pumped up by his winners talk in the staff room today. He was so pleased with himself and that after all these years of me and Alice trying to get you fired up he managed it in just one day of pep talk." Her weak smile made me smile as I thought about Emmett bragging.

"Wish I listened to you guys sooner. Then maybe it would be our engagement Esme would be celebrating tomorrow." Feeling ashamed of my jealousy I looked away resting my head on Rose's shoulder a little. "Did you meet her yet?" Rose gently shook her head that was slightly resting against the top of mine. "She's perfect. She's everything I'm not."

Rose pulled away from me and I winced as she firmly grasped my shoulders. "You listen here and you better listen good." Rose forced me to look at her and I found her soft understanding expression replaced by a fierce and cold stare. "_You_ are everything _she's_ not. Bella you're what he wants." I looked into her violet eyes and wished again with my every fibre that could be true. "How many more times do I, do _we_ have to tell you? Edward is a little, and always has been, a little odd. Bella the boy is an idiot to not see you love him."

A small giggle slipped from me and I feared it was more hysteria then humour but I nodded my head and taking another deep breath forced down the emotions. "Come on, we should go watch your monkey man wet himself from the side lines." Rose stood up and offered me her cool hand up from our places on the hard floor.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The whole game I sat as far from him and her as I could, finding relief in Jasper's calmness and comforting words. I could hear an excited Tanya chatting with Alice about the plans for tomorrow at the Cullen's; Tanya had invited us all to join them and it was getting harder to simply smile politely and try to non commit myself to another heart torturing session.

Emmett spied me at intervals from the field and I could feel his guilt from his previous encouragement. Looking at his sorrowful face only made me feel even worse; I never wanted my pain and regret to affect any of my friends, especially Emmett who should never ever look as solemn as he did right now.

My phone buzzed every now and then and I would smile at the silly lyrics Jake would send me from our "survival" song or the comical photo texts of the guys all pulling faces or licking each others cheeks. "_Pack of mutt's" _I'd smile to myself_. _

Our school won and the students and parents sitting around us could have deafened a rock stadium in their roar of cheers. Jessica led the squad in a fantastic routine and I smiled as they danced to the very same song I had learnt with them. I almost wanted to be there with them. Some of my juniors came up to express their excitement in our win and it was so nice to be part of the moment and one with the student body.

My moment lost in celebration and jubilance was washed away when I felt Jasper's hand press in to the small of my back as he led me towards the exit. Panic flooded me as I thought about the heart wrecking confinement of the silver prison. "I don't think I can join you." My whole body seemed to freeze itself to the spot in the car park as I looked over to the shiny silver prison. There was no way I could bare to sit inside the small confines and play the nice happy Bella. As much as I hated myself for what I was about to do, I had to lie. I had to lie to them all and save myself the sickening hurt that waited for me. "I don't feel well. Let me call a cab or grab a lift home with Mike Newton. I think he's still here."

As soon as I started the lie my eyes found the floor and I felt the guilt creep back in to the pit of my stomach as Alice wrapped her tiny arm around my waist. I could not help the cringe that swept over me as Tanya began to join Alice in her soothing attempts at comforting me.

Alice began to make arrangements with Jasper and Edward in saving me from travelling to Emmett and Roses with the speed demon. Jasper even opened the front passenger side of his car offering the seat to Tanya. "No its ok. You guys should go on. I can't ask you to drive me home." All this fussing over me was doing little to ease my guilt.

"Bella get in the car. Who else is there to take you home?" I looked up at Edward who stood there with that stunning crooked smile; the same smile that made my heart race with love and happiness. It was only hours before in my pathway that I fell into his embrace losing myself in that smile. Just as I looked into those deep emerald eyes wishing I had the strength and nerve to ignore the moral value inside and confess my love to him despite the presences of his fiancée I saw the one person who could rescue the little of my heart left and my warring conscience.

"I can take Bell's home. You guys should just go ahead with your celebrations. I got her from here." Jake stood just beyond Edward, his arms lifted up from his sides as he offered me comfort and escape. I ran towards them like a drowning soul in a sea of pain. The moment his arms circled me I felt I could really breathe.

"I believe we have a date." Jake whispered quietly into my hair as we hugged. A small smile reached me and I felt blessed to have such a good friend, who understood my pain as much as I understood his own. I hugged him tighter and pulled away to go say my goodbyes to my friends.

Tanya reached me first and sweetly kissed my cheek, asking me again to join everyone at Esme's tomorrow. Alice briefly hugged Jake before wrapping me into a bone crushing hug. "I understand." Her soft whisper pulled at the knots of guilt deep inside and I fought harder to hide my grief.

Jasper wished Jake a goodbye by offering him a nod and he replaced Alice's slender arms with his own around me. "You are worth it." His soft southern voice did even less to relieve the tension and guilt, but I still tried to offer him a smile of understanding.

"Bella if you are not feeling well I really don't think riding on the back of some bike is really safe." Edward was still standing stiffly in the same spot as before. His voice was firm and he never looked towards Jake, his tone and body langue speaking loudly about his dislike of the new arrangement.

"I have the Rabbit, trust me Eddie she's gonna be fine. Come on Bell's lets get you home." Jake turned away from us and walked towards the red VW parked on the far side of the parking lot. But not before fixing Edward with a cold stare.

"Sorry to ruin the night. I just can't begin to face a night of Emmett post game." My voice was unsteady and my wavering speech gave away my inner guilt and hysteria. This was not how tonight was meant to end. We should have been driving _home_, together.

"Just be safe. Can you call me later let me know your ok?" Looking at him I wondered if there could be even the smallest ounce of regret. Of jealously that Jake could be his rival in the matters of my heart. But there wasn't. There was only friendly concern in my safety. Edward stepped forward opening those strong arms I loved to be lost in, and the overwhelming hurt in my realisation of nothing but the kinship he felt for me surged forward as I stepped back from him.

"Just go enjoy your night. I will text you." I wanted to say so many things. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted him to know that the way I loved him could weaken the coldest hearts. Words swirled around in my head; _I love you so much it hurts to breathe when you aren't near me. It hurts to live a day with out hearing your voice, so I play your voice messages asking if I want to go grab pizza and a beer just to make believe your there with me. It hurts just to be...without you._

But standing here was just the plain, bookworm who sat high in an old tree because she was too scared to risk the swings or climbing frame with the popular kids, so those words never moved from my head and were therefore unspoken from my lips. Looking away from what I once believed was my future I looked towards my new path; my safety net. Jake had opened the door of his much loved car and was leaning against the side patiently.

"Tanya is a very beautiful and I can see how easy it is for you to have fallen so deeply in love with someone like her." I never looked in his eyes but chose to look at the small beauty mark that I could just see under his left ear towards the back of his neck. My eyes were beginning to blur as I fought to hold back the tears that once again threatened to spill and let me break down.

Without a second glance I tried to walk calmly to Jake. My head fought against my body and refused to let me run away from him. 30 shaken paces got me to Jakes car and I quickly took the offered seat before my legs gave up their effort to support me from the crushing feeling of loss. Jake put the car into drive and without having to speak I knew he understood my need to get the hell away from here and fast.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I love your sofa it's so deep." Jake pushed himself back into my couch, his eyes closed as he rubbed one hand along the armrest and the other across the back cushion. He looked so comfortable and I liked how easy he found making himself at home here.

"Oh so it's just your love affair with my couch that has you spending your nights off here then." Jake smiled and opened one dark eye as he nodded back to me and proceeded to sweep his sock covered feet up and across the free space.

We had not talked much on the drive back home. I think he was giving me time to find my own way of processing these new events. Leaving my new house pet to enjoy his favourite piece of furniture, I went to the kitchen and opened my emergency bottle of red wine. I had been keeping this particular bottle in the deepest corners of my cupboard, really I had planned to open it after the end of parent/student reviews next month but after my night I felt I deserved it. With two large glasses in one hand and the fruity wine in the other I rejoined a chilled out Jake in the lounge.

"You ready to talk about it?" I poured the wine as Jake posed the question, took a sip from my glass and relaxed back into the opposite end of the couch to Jake. So far we had laughed heartily about all the gossip of who was dating who from the res and which of Jakes friends had been burned in their attempts to score with the new girl at the bar. Jake had made sure to make me laugh and for the brief time forget my heartache.

"She's so smart, and she's on the hospital board and acts like its nothing. Blonde hair, which by the way is perfectly groomed, and her clothes look like they were made to fit her. But perhaps the sickest part of it all is that she looks _nothing_ like me." Looking away from my half full glass I noticed my confession had confused Jake.

"Why is it sick? If she looked like you then that_ would _be sick 'cos it would be like Eddie was trying to make do." Jake put his empty glass down on my wooden coffee table and sat back still wearing his blank face. I wish he could just get it. So I didn't have to explain my childish theory, and yet looking at Jakes lost blank frown I knew I was going to have to.

"Jake if she looked like me then I would know he at least found the whole pale and boring brunette attractive. In my own sick way I could make myself believe he really did want me and that he was "making do" with a Bella lookalike" Saying it out loud only made it sound even more childish.

"Well I think you need to go get an eye test or something cos you really don't see yourself at all." Jake was shaking his head. "Boring and pale? Bella you're gorgeous and you're also a beautiful person. Your deep kind soul shines through those chocolate eyes and your smile shows just how clever your wit is. I have never met anyone who can make me laugh so much." Jake smiled as I snorted in my disbelief and blushed with embarrassment. "You have this way of taking something simple and ugly and making it into the most interesting and beautiful creation. I never want to hear you call yourself anything less than beautiful." Jake squeezed the hand lying in my lap closest to him and I smiled back at his kindness. "Hmmm.....if I remember rightly you once said I was sort of beautiful....maybe you don't need that eye test after all." Jake sat back against the arm of my sofa and pushed his feet towards me. "Did that drunken compliment include my sort of smelly feet?" At this last question he tried to stick his black cotton covered feet in my face. His teasing caught me completely off guard and I jumped in surprise.

My laughter turned to a groan when I watched in horror as my half drank glass of 1988 Rouge soaked and spread into my cream couch.

"Jake!" I stood up facing my couch as I tried to collect the glass and its fast disappearing contents. Fast as I could I rushed to the kitchen to collect a cloth so I could try a vain attempt to prevent it becoming stained. Suddenly a cream plush sofa seemed like the wrong choice of furniture for a clumsy red wine drinker.

Walking back to the lounge I was surprised to see a half naked Jake soaking up as much of the spilt wine with his t-shirt as he could. He must have noticed me watching him as he began to laugh, "Sort of beautiful right?" His playful tone was back and once again I found the humour of the situation. We worked together cleaning out most of the stain, my main cushion would be ok for tonight and I would drop it off to the dry cleaners first thing.

"I really am sorry about all this Bella. It was my fault and I promise to pay to have it cleaned, just make sure I get the bill." A bare chested Jake had followed me out to the kitchen looking sheepish as I put away the kitchen cloths and stain remover.

"Its really ok Jake, it was my own fault." I smiled shaking my head as I remembered the argument I had with Alice in the store when I picked out the couch. "In truth I'm shocked it took this long for me to empty something all over it." I walked out to the laundry room and put Jakes shirt in the washing machine adding plenty of stain remover and hoped it could be saved from ruin." Let me go get you a shirt. I'm sure I have one here big enough."

I walked towards my stairs and laughed as Jake pouted and pulled a series of muscle man poses each one more funny then the last. "Does my being half naked bother you?" He shouted as I reached the stairs.

I shook my head to myself and ran up the stairs to my bedroom, "No Mr Black it doesn't. But your Pecs are giving me boob envy." I joked loudly as I reached my bedroom and headed for the dresser. Opening my drawers one by one I knew I had one of Edwards's old college shirts in there somewhere. I took a deep breath pushing away the memory of him giving me a shirt to sleep in while he was away.

The first time I started wearing Edwards clothes was the first summer holiday Carlisle and Esme had planned aboard and I remember being so disappointed that I would not see him for 14 days. We were 12 years old and I remember sitting in our superhero head quarters having our last sleepover before they left in the morning. That was the first time he gave me something of his. He took off his batman t-shirt and told me to put it on, he said his stink was all over it and just by wearing it and smelling it would make me think he was around.

After that summer I stole more and more of his "stink". When he left 4 years ago I took this old college shirt just for the same silly reasons I did all those years before. It was huge on me and I often wore it as a night shirt but it would do for Jake for now. It was this or my Buffy shirt with the quote from Angel '_I love you, I try not to, but I can't stop' _on it with the picture of them on it from season two and that was now more of a crop top on me now then a full shirt.

I was still laughing about thinking of Jake in an "Angel" shirt when I came back down the stairs. "Jake I know its way to small for you but I have one of Edward's old college shirts here…" I froze when I slowly took in the mind bending scene before me. Jake had opened my front door and while he was hanging off the door all relaxed what looked like a sickened Edward took off faster then a speeding bullet down my path and away from my porch. "Edward?...... Edward wait…" I tried to call after him but he either did not hear me or more importantly he didn't _want _to hear me.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Pulling up outside the big white house I could not believe I was putting myself through this. Sitting in my truck I physically shook my head in disbelief, _Well you got this far. _ That's what I had been telling myself all day. Every chore from showering and dressing to dropping off the cushion at the cleaners I repeated the little speech. I was beginning to sound like the little train that could.

"You can come in you know dear." Esme startled me out of my mental pep talk. I opened my truck door and soon found myself in her motherly embrace. "It's so lovely to see you, it's been too long." I giggled at Esme as she sounded truly mad at my lack of visits.

"Esme I saw you only a few weeks ago, or did you blame Emmett for eating all those cookies?" I laughed as I remembered sitting with her in the kitchen talking about how pleased we were to have Edward home again while I helped her try out some new cookie flavours.

Before I knew it I found myself in the homely warmth of Esme's kitchen, looking out of the large window over the steal sink I could see everyone laughing as Emmett appeared to be re-inacting several of last nights winning plays. "Bella! My beautiful girl, how are you?" Carlisle had appeared in the kitchen and with out a second blink I found myself turning around the kitchen as he tried to dance with me. It earned him his desired blush. Carlisle has always loved to tease me with my lack of dance skills after Esme tried to teach me and Edward how to dance for our senior prom.

"Carlisle put her down she looks pale enough with out you scaring her with your sad old man attempts to seduce her." Esme teased her husband and I suddenly felt a little out of place by their playful banter. Carlisle had this way of looking like he had just fallen in love with his wife for the first time every time he saw her.

Grabbing a newly poured glass of wine I left to face my friends. _You made it this far, _came my mantra again.Stepping out to the patio I was soon greeted by warm hugs and hellos. Tanya looked the picture of summer elegance in her linen white trousers and petal pink tunic, it made my appearance of jeans and blue silk camisole look anything but the "hobo chic" look I was aiming for.

"Bella! Look at you. Oh that colour really is perfect on you." Tanya almost seemed to dance across the lawn towards me and there was not a single note of distruth in her words. They were genuine and so was her smile.

"Thank you Tanya. You look perfect; tell me do you wake up this beautiful? Only you're killing us normal girls here." I tried to sound light but inside I was desperate to find a single floor in this woman. Looking around and trying to seem indifferent I could not spot Edward anywhere.

"He went to go get Alice his iPod. She wants to hear his newest pieces, something about setting the scene for her announcement?" Emmett spoke in a hush as I took the chair next to him. His eyes were once again filled with his guilt and I tried to offer up my warmest smile and put my best effort into letting him know I was ok. Not wanting to make too much of a fuss everyone else just said a quick hi accompanied by a warm understanding smile and we carried on as if nothing had happened last night.

A few minutes later Edward returned and gave his iPod to Alice. He didn't look at me for long; just a very short "hello" look and then he made his way over to Tanya. Just after that Alice placed the iPod in the dock on the hifi and the music started playing. The bubbles of panic began to resurface as I thought about another announcement. The soft piano notes played and brought us all to a pleasant silence. Edward had always been able to command the largest of audiences with his music and this time was no different even though it was recorded. This tune was soft and light very Alice with just the right amount of Jaspers calm to it.

"Everyone grab your glass I have something, I mean Jas and I have something we want to tell you all." Alice was positively bursting in her happiness and looking around my friends they all reflected my smile. "We're having a baby!"

The tears flowed down my cheeks and for perhaps the first time in a long time they were not from pain or sorrow from my own heartache. These were from the overwhelming happiness and joy I felt for my two best friends.

Carlisle gave everyone a glass of champagne and the doctor in him made sure to give our yummy mummy to be a flute filled with orange juice. We raised our glasses and toasted to the very exciting news. "To friends and family. Health and happiness!" Carlisle's toast were immediately followed by the sounds of clinking glasses and little laughs.

After the excitement passed the music continued to play and we sat around the wooden table covered in the homely food Esme had obviously spent the day preparing and I found myself having fun. It was unexpected and almost strange. Tanya sat with Esme and Rose talking about her favourite flowers, Jasper was deep in conversation with Carlisle about how he could help support Alice as she sat quietly whilst smiling and rubbing her tummy as she listened on. A little away from the crowd Emmett stood beside Edward who was busy grilling salmon and steak on Carlisle's massive grill. They seemed to be in a heated chat, I could tell because Emmett was shaking his head and huffing at what ever had made Edwards shoulders so tense.

"Edward! This is the one. This is our song for the wedding. Don't you think it would be so perfect for the ceremony?" Tanya had silenced the group as we all stopped to hear the new soft piano notes.

Suddenly a chill shook through my shocked body; the song Tanya had chosen was my song. Edward had written this sweet melody years ago and as soon as I heard it I wanted it as my own. He would hum this when I was upset by a failed test result or play it when he thought he was alone. It was _my_ song. _My_ lullaby and _she_ wanted it.

Everyone seemed to be looking from Edward's direction to mine, looking for some kind of acceptable response. This was just too painful and there was nothing I could do to stop it, I had to let go.

"It's very pretty and classic." I looked towards Edward who sat just as uneasy and on edge as everyone else but who also seemed pained before turning back to Tanya. "I think it fits you well Tanya." My words cut at my throat and it took several sips of wine to cool my burning chest as I fought to maintain control. Tanya was beaming happily as the notes hung soft in the air around us before the tune ended and a new piece began.

"Edward you'll have to compose a special song just for the baby. I have a feeling Alice will need your calming music over the next few months." Jasper smiled and Emmett began to lighten the mood saying how playing sissy music was meant to help make an unborn baby intelligent. "Shame your mother only developed a liking for Debussy while she carried Edward then." Carlisle joined Emmett in his teasing.

Deep down I knew they were doing it to take away any notice my pained face may be attracting. The fool I was I continued to sit at the table. Surrounded by old lovers, each pair lost in years of happiness sharing joy with their family. Every bite of food may as well of been ash in my mouth. Nothing held any flavour or texture it was all bitter and dry.

"Bella?" Hearing my name I looked away from twisting the glass stem of my wine glass and noticed Tanya waiting for my response. "Sorry Tanya just thinking. What did you say?"

Tanya looked saddened and I noticed for the first time her perfectly sculpted brows furrowed, she soon shook her head and her tooth paste model smile was once again bright on her face. "I was just talking about the wedding and how perfect that shade of blue looked against your completion." I smiled and felt a hint of blush colour my cheeks. "Would you want your dress to be tea length and floaty, or would a more fitted cocktail dress be more your preferred style?"

My whole body felt hit with a wave of panic. Why would Tanya want to know what style of dress I liked? This could only mean that she was expecting me to be apart of this heart breaking affair.

"You have to be my bridesmaid. I won't take no for an answer either, you and Irina will look so beautiful in the pictures. Irina has the same perfect rose and cream skin you have, I bet you have to stay out of the sun during the summer as well." Tanya was talking so quickly that I never had the chance to refuse or at least even try to decline her ridiculous offer.

"We'll have to pull down that shack of course; it just ruins the atmosphere," She gestured to the tree house, "and even though it's a garden wedding I think my father and the members of the hospital board would still be expecting something a little more refined." Tanya continued to chat to Alice, Rose and Esme like there was nothing even the slightest bit wrong.

My head was screaming at me now, making my body obey. _No tears! No sobs! Hold it together! Don't show them your pain. _I had to leave; I needed to protect the little reserves Jake had rebuilt in me last night.

"It sounds like you will have a beautiful wedding day Tanya". Standing away from my place at the table I collected my empty glass and pulled my messenger bag across my chest. "But if you'll please excuse me I really have to leave. Need to catch up on the marking I left last night in order to attend the game." Tanya looked a little surprised but stood to hug me goodbye. Alice, Rose and Esme stood to hug me goodbye as well. Rose hugged me kissing my cheek, "That's my strong Bella."

Esme walked with me to the grill where the guys were chatting and sharing their beers while Emmett poked at the coals. They all hugged me and wished me a goodnight. Surprisingly Edward offered to walk me out to my truck and Esme hugged me and made me promise to call in later in the week for some cookies.

We walked in silence through the house. At one point his cool hand pressed ever so gently and briefly into the small of my back and despite my hollow feelings inside his touch no matter how faint caused a warm tingle to pulse through my blood. He seemed to rethink his actions and saw an error in his placement of hand as he quickly removed it from my back as if he had done something wrong.

"Tanya ask you to be a part of the..." Edwards words seemed to stick heavily in his throat, "...ceremony." I swallowed the sickening feeling that rapidly built in my throat and replied, "Yes she _told me _rather than asked me to be her bridesmaid." He didn't reply. "Esme seems very happy you are getting married in her garden." Still Edward didn't say anything. "Tanya certainly has an eye for beauty. It will be a wonderful day." My words were weird as I tried to say the right thing and fight the sickening feelings inside.

_When did it get so hard for us to just even talk?_

Finally he cleared his throat again and spoke, "Well we have some time to prepare everything. Tanya is more of a summer type of girl. I would think 5 months would be plenty of time for her, my mother and Alice to pull together the wedding she wants." Edward was looking behind my right shoulder towards the front porch of the house that we had just walked from.

Inside all I could think was 5 months. He was going to really do this; he really was going to be _her_ husband. "Wow 5 months. You guys have a lot to sort out. Will you be living..." It was now my words that had become stuck in my throat as I swallowed my tears back.

Still looking away from me Edward understood my question, "Yeah I will be looking for a house near here and the hospital. Tanya is yet to decide on whether to rent out her place or sell it. Guess we will figure that all out soon enough."

I pulled open the heavy metal door of my truck and wished I could push down the bubbling waves of nausea and find some brevity and ask him why he never stayed last night, but all I could see every time I looked at him was Tanya living in the perfect white fenced house chasing their children on the front lawn while screaming happily whenever the silver Volvo pulled into the drive and brought daddy home.

"Jacob seems to have settled back into home life rather well." Edward caught me off guard with his statement. I looked away nodding my head in agreement. "Jake's doing ok. He's grown a lot in the last few years. You know I think if you were to talk to him you'd see he's not the same little puppy he once was." I smiled as I thought about how Jake really had changed both physically and perhaps more noticeably emotionally.

Instantaneously as if a breeze of air had blown in and changed his rigid formal disposition back to the Edward I once knew, he pulled me into a tight hug. He held me for what seemed like eternity and once again I felt him take a deep breath inhaling the scent of my hair like he had done so many times before. As much as I wished he would not remind me just why I loved him, and as much as it hurt, I was grateful to still have this little piece of him and so I remained embraced in his arms for as long as he held me.

Eventually his grip softened and his hold loosened as we fell back the appropriate distance between us. As we parted Edwards hand slid down my arm to hold my hand. For a brief moment we just stared directly into each other's eyes not saying anything our hands the only thing touching in the air between us. It was hell. My heart beat in absolutely agony and utter elation at the same time. There I stood in the fading light of the afternoon sharing this moment with the man I thought I would spend forever with, knowing that I wouldn't be sharing anything like this with him ever again.

A sharp pain hit my chest and my hand pulled from his, falling abruptly to my side. Edward seemed to notice something was wrong but knew that he shouldn't push it. I could feel the tears that I had been battling to keep inside escalating to the surface once again and so I turned to get in the cab of the truck.

His hand gripped my arm lightly to stop me, "Bella." Edward spoke softly and although my head was screaming at me to stop and not turn around reluctantly I gave in feeling like I was about to put the last nail in my coffin. "I would _never_ let her pull down headquarters." His eyes were sincere as he spoke and I smiled a small shaky smile to say thanks as my eyes clouded over with the salt water sea that beat against them longing to be free. "_Never_." He repeated softly in my ear as he swiftly brushed my cheeks with a kiss and his warm breath swept across my neck.

As if the wind had changed once more he pulled back, his body stiffened and he stood more upright back to the rigid frame of before as he held the door for me to get in. My tears were almost upon me now and with a vision in my head of a crumpled Bella on the floor beside the truck I quickly took my place behind the wheel of the truck. I didn't know why but I rolled the window down as Edward closed the truck door. One more last look and my Edward was gone. A new colder Edward stood before me next to the truck, tapped the base frame of the window and forged a smile before turning and walking back to the front porch as I put the truck in reverse and backed out of the drive to turn around.

I backed up to the little clearing not far from my parking spot and stopped the car turning to look to my right out of the passenger window. A few steps into his stride, and as I was just about to put the truck in to drive, he stopped and turned to face me. It seemed as though a sigh left his body and he raised his hand to wave goodbye and as he did so it seemed as though a poignant smile adorned his face.

A single tear escaped my eyes and trickled down my face as I put the car in to drive.

_5 months. 5 months. 5 months……... I can't make it that far. _

****

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**My beta and best friend finally made the wicked decision and has posted the first few chapters of her new story. It is really the things dreams are made of and I promise you lades will not be disappointed to read it. Check out my profile page for a link to her profile. Her new story is called "In between dreams."**

**SKB30 is not only a great beta for finding the time to help me she is also a good friend for pushing me harder to deliver the best chapter I can. **

**PS: At time of going to print (lol) she was considering not writing anymore as despite a lot of hits on each chapter there haven't been many reviews on it. So I urge you all to pop over, read it and review it or I may never find out how it ends as she may never finish it! Lol!! xxxxxxx**


	14. Chapter 14

**He was my best friend. I would always love him, and it would never, ever be enough.  
****Bella Swan****, **_**New Moon**_**, Chapter 9, p.219**

**Thank you to everyone for either reviewing or adding me to their favourite lists you guys help push me into faster updates. Can i just tell you that Fanfic has played up therefore I had real trouble uploading this to you sooner. So sorry for the wait but not my fault xxxx **

**I do not own twilight.**

**Edward**

"They are wonderful people Edward and I could not feel more blessed to be a part of your or their lives." Tanya was sitting across from me in the small marble floored airport drinking her latte as we waited for her flight to be called. "You are very lucky to have them." Her bright smile made me smile in return. I knew she would love them. Looking away from me and taking a sip of her warm latte Tanya seemed lost in thought. "I still feel you need to resolve the whole Bella thing you know." She added before she took another sip.

I however felt the need to finally lay this issue to rest as over the past few nights I had driven myself into madness, losing hours of sleep contemplating the matter. "Tanya I told you on Friday night after I came home from my drive; I have committed myself to you. Nothing is going to make me back out on you now." Hoping to lay her worries to rest I stood and leaned in to lightly kiss her forehead. "I am a man of my word and once I make a promise I do everything in my power to see it through".

"_American Airlines flight 934 is now ready to board. Could all passengers please make their way to gate 5."_ The clear instructions from the over head announcement cleared Tanya out of her thoughts and I carried her hand luggage as we made our way towards her gate.

"Safe flight. Be sure to give Irina a large hug for me and tell her I am looking forward to our hockey game next Saturday." I wrapped Tanya into my arms as we wished each other farewell. "Be sure to ring me later with news of your father, I wonder if he has missed your bright smile as much as I will."

"We both know it's your smile he's been missing Edward." Tanya giggled as she took her heavy magazine filled bag from my hand. "I think even Irina misses you more then she does me." We stood smiling at each other until the air stewardess asked for her boarding pass and with a quick flick of her hand Tanya blew me a kiss and vanished from my sight, leaving me once again in a place of darkness, pain and confusion. I'd realised lately that when she is near I find things easy to evaluate, it's somehow like she removes the hazy fog that clouds my vision.

*~*~*~*~*~*

"There is also the option to purchase the small meadow at the boundary wall adjoining the rear. It's not suitable for building on, but it's certainly charming and a wonderful way to ensure your privacy here." The agent was walking about the large hardwood floor of the down stairs, his Cuban heels clicking with every step resonating off the empty walls as I stood looking out of the French doors leading off the room towards a large grassy lawn.

This was the eighth house I had seen this week, it had everything I could ever want to own in a home. Three bedrooms; open planed living space with modern kitchen; large landscaped garden; and on top of that light open and airy. The master bedroom had a large tub, there was a large window opposite over it that would open to overlook the woods and the meadow the agent was talking about. I could see myself lying there in hot soapy water relaxing after a full day in the hospital over looking the peaceful land as twilight approached.

"Mr Cullen, the owners have already relocated and they are keen to close on the property. You could have all paperwork completed within a matter of weeks and this of course would put you in a favourable position with your purchasing offer." The agent could see this house had peaked my interest more so then any of the others.

"Well I like it very much Tyler. Shall we go back to your office and see if my bid really is adequate?" A smile came fast across my face and for the first time in perhaps the longest time I felt like I had finally made a solid, clear headed decision.

*~*~*~*~*

"How was your shift dear?" My mother called from the kitchen as soon as she heard me close the front door. I wondered how she knew it was me, but then my mother always did seem to know everything before everyone else, something Alice had picked up over the years from her as well. The smell of cooked cheese and bacon reached me as I forced my sleepless body towards the warm kitchen.

"Tanya called this evening to ask about her friend joining her next week when Alice is showing her some designs. Irina sounds lovely and of course I offered her Emmett's old room. Do you think she will be comfortable with that?" I was sitting up at the breakfast bar greedily eating the pasta dish my mother had placed in front of me. Her back was to me as she poured out some cold milk for me.

"Yeah, Irina is happy with whatever." I tried to speak clearly but being so hungry and tried my mouth was stuffed with the creamy pasta shells. She placed the tall glass down in front of me and took her seat on the stall opposite mine as I nodded, smiled and thanked her for the milk. She had severed herself a bowl of the comfort food and we ate in a pleasant silence.

It had been two weeks since I had last spoken with Bella. Things had gotten so mixed up with us. It was like being a yoyo; one minute Emmett and Jasper were flicking me out on a rope to go confess my heart to her, and the next they were pulling me back so fast I felt like I had whip lash.

Tanya had worried about Bella before we even entered into marriage and I honestly thought that by her coming here to meet my friends she could understand that Bella just did not want me the way Tanya thought she wanted me.

Several times on the Friday night after Emmett's team game and again on Saturday morning over breakfast after I had gone to Bella's Tanya tried to back out of our wedding. She said she could see I was wrong in my belief that Bella wanted to be only friends, but once I went there and saw _him_ half naked answering her door I knew they were all wrong and for all these years I had been right.

Plus how could we let Aro down after all his excitement at seeing his only child get married. Tanya was all he had left, and he wanted to see her happy and secure before he left this world. After he lost his wife and Tanya's mother he had spent every minute wanting his daughter to know love and happiness. When I visited with him during my time with Tanya and Irina he could not stop boasting to the staff and board members how wonderful his son in law was and how I would make his daughter so happy. I think even the coffee shop workers had become bored with his desire to share details of the wedding. How could we possibly back out on him now?

Plus there was my mother to think about. I had never seen her so happy as she has been these past few weeks planning the details with Alice or Tanya. Never having a daughter of her own I know this meant so much to her, especially as Tanya had made her such a part of the preparation, and with Emmett's caveman beliefs on marriage this may be the only wedding my mother will be a part of.

Not to forget that I knew when I entered into this Tanya wanted a swift wedding, one with all the picture perfect details and text book base. Now was not the time to let people down and ruin dreams just because Bella may or may not love me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"That's the last box." Emmett dumped down the large brown box on top of the kitchen counter. "From this van anyway. Man mum sure keeps a lot of our crap huh?" Emmett opened the folded flaps of the cardboard box and began pulling out random school reports, pictures and painting I had created over my school years.

"Yeah she does." I looked inside the box and smiled as I pulled out a long forgotten painting. "I remember making this. You see the turkey's tail?" I pointed out the crudely cut out hand prints used to make the turkey tail, if you could call the bird that. "I remember really wanting the tail to have loads of feathers so I made Bella make the red hand prints. See mine, the brown ones." I pointed out the difference in size of the prints with the end of my beer bottle.

We were only 7 years old the year I made this picture. I remembered how self important I felt when my mother put it in the centre of our fridge. I could still see the two carrot shaped magnets she used in the corners to hold it there.

"She misses you." Emmett spoke almost so quietly that I missed what he had said. I looked up at him and watched him sigh heavily and walk towards my fridge. "She won't tell us that." I watched Emmett pop off the metal cap and take a drink. The pain in my chest seemed to tighten and he never even said her name. "She looks like a different person. Kinda hollow." Emmett still never looked at me but he knew I was warring against my need to hear about her, and my need to run from hearing about her. "She's lost her light. She laughs but it's not real. She talks but it's flat. She smiles but it never sparkles in her eyes. Its like every day there is less of our Bella and every day there is more of some one who just looks like Bella."

We stood there in my new home in my newly designed kitchen, the new fresh start I wanted to create for myself waiting for me to start, and yet with out her it was all felt wrong.

"Emmett!" Rose was walking through the open front door calling for him in her search. "There you are. Your mum just called, she found like 3 more boxes you guys left." Standing with her hands on her hips Rose stopped her foot tapping and annoyance in our moving efforts when she noticed the tension. "When are you going to fix this?" I looked up from the floor at her question. Did she mean collecting the missed boxes or was she talking about our broken friendships? "It's been a month and a half Edward. You're killing her." My face grimaced in pain at Roses words. "And your killing yourself." For the first time in the longest time my teasing ice queen friend softened. Rose pulled me into a warm soothing hug and kissed my cheek. "I miss the royal pain in the ass that is my monkey mans brother and my friend."

Unable to look away from the silver kitchen clock hanging just to the right of her head I nodded unable to trust myself with words.

"Babe lets go pick up them boxes. I'll follow you in the rental and you can give me a ride back from the depo." Emmett grabbed the plastic tagged hire keys from the dresser and followed Rose out towards the drive. Emmett gave me a shoulder bump and small knowing smile as he went.

Left with silence I walked out of the empty house I hoped to call home and paced around the small grassy garden that lead on to the wild flower covered meadow I had purchased with the house sale. It was so calming. Sitting on the firm grassy carpet I found myself so alone.

~*~*~*~*~*~

My head was hurting from the extra shift I was trying to cover for the E.R attending. In an attempt to build honest friendly relationships with my co workers I had stupidly offer to cover Doctor Marcus's Saturday night rotation. Now in my ninth hour on call I was regretting it as my eyes stung from a lack of sleep and my head throbbed from a lack of caffeine.

"Dr Cullen we have a lady in curtain 3 with what I think is could be a possible facture but she's insisting it's a sprain and she claims that she should know, and to ask you who will tell me that she has the highest education in self diagnosis." The junior resident seemed rather pissed at having to bring the issue to my attention. Unfortunately with some cases they noticed the age of their doctor and felt the need to diagnose themselves, or like this person ask for an older member of staff. I signed off my patient, popped the chart in the file and a few minutes later made my way to curtain 3.

"Just trust me, Carlisle will tell you himself in just a moment if anyone has a degree in sprains it's me." I could hear the stubborn tone in her sweet voice as I approached her curtained bed. Bella was sounding as if she was getting more and more annoyed with the nurse fussing with her charts.

"Well I guess I missed your graduation, but I was there for all of your educational field trips to the x-ray department." I smiled as Bella looked up from filling out her required paper work a little stunned that I wasn't the Dr Cullen she was expecting. My inside joke eased the nervous tension and made her snort as she tried to hold on to her stubbornness.

"Honestly it's a simple sprain. Charlie just would not listen to me and insisted on bring me here." Bella was blushing and began to shrug off her injury insisting it was Charlie making a fuss.

"Well Miss Swan it looks fairly swollen, let's just run an x-ray over it to clear away any doubt." I tried to give her my most charming smirk as I looked over her delicate ankle in my hands and my junior attending began to organise the necessary test. She was muttering something like "That's what I said to do." But I was too lost in her to notice.

"Is this really necessary Edward? I mean I just missed the bottom step of Charlie's porch. I fell more on my butt then my ankle." Bella's blush began to deep in her embarrassment.

"Humour me please?" I smiled as I scribbled on the chart and the porter arrived to wheel her down to the x-ray department. With a grumble Bella went with him, but not before giving me a sarcastic smile first.

While she was getting her test I walked towards the coffee room where sure enough stood the chief of police. Charlie looked just the same as he always had. The chief never seemed to age. His brown buzz cut curls were still clipped in tight and his full moustache was still trimmed into a perfect line along his top lip.

"Edward, you fix her yet?" Charlie looked up from his coffee and tipped his head towards the direction I had just left Bella. "Not yet Charlie. She seems to be directing my staff in the treatment for sprains rather then taking the direction they offer." We both laughed at Bella's stubborn nature.

"Heard you're getting married. Big step son but Bella says you're all set for it." Charlie seemed to be studying me as if I were under the lamp for a crime. Like he was looking for some kind of confession.

"Yes sir I am." I made sure to square my shoulders back as I confirmed his statement. "Well good luck with that." Charlie offered me a nod as he went back to looking at his cup.

Waiting for Bella's results took under an hour and she took great pleasure in being right in her diagnoses of a sprain as it was correct. With only a few moments before the end of my shift I told my nurses to leave me to apply the firm bandage to her foot. We both stayed lost in our silence as I worked unwinding the elastic tape around Bella's foot.

"Tanya called me yesterday." Bella spoke quietly and I stopped my application to listen to her. "Alice has the first fitting ready for mine and Irina's dresses." Her smile was just as Emmett described, it never reached her eyes, and the rest of her was just the way he had said. The word empty came to mind.

"Irina is nice. She's very much like Alice if that can even be possible, as if there is more then just one shopping fashion freak." Bella smiled at my comparison as I resumed dressing her sprain with the bandage. "You'll like her, I'm sure. Irina shares a great like for the classics. The two of you will have a lot to discuss. Just remember to let Alice have some breaks between all the shopping." I tried to smile and sound doctor like. Bella seemed lost in thought, the same rehearsed smile sitting in her lips but not reaching her eyes.

"Alice and Rose both spoke highly of her when they met her a few weeks ago when she and Tanya came for the weekend. Sorry again for having to chaperone the school cheer squad to finals." Bella looked at the threads of the starched hospital blanket as she tried to explain her reasons for not attending the dinners and shopping trips we had all planned during Tanya's last visit a few weeks ago.

"Well someone has to keep them grounded. You missed quite the games night, Emmett and Rose finally got the highest scores, they even beat our record." I smiled as I remembered Rose being so happy to finally of won a game with Emmett, it seems that the two of them were finally reaching a point of becoming one, both working and thinking as one unit.

"Oh trust me I heard about it all week in the staff room and again over dinner with Alice and Rose." Bella laughed as I concentrated on strapping her ankle, making sure it wasn't too tight and the easy banter was lost to silence once again. Inside I was desperate to ask her why she was at Charlie's on a Saturday night instead of enjoying one of her favourite past times like the theatre with Jacob. But I was afraid she would tell me details of how he was at her place arranging some romantic dinner of her favourite dishes and would be ready and waiting for her to come home to him, in to his waiting open arms.

"Bell's?" Charlie's voice pulled me out of my administrations and I pulled back the thick cloth curtain. "Ah just a sprain after all. That's good huh kid?" His voice seemed to relax a little as he noticed the lack of plaster.

"Yep, told you it's just me being uncoordinated." Bella smiled at her father as he seemed to blush at her calling him out on his fussing. "I think your dinner is going to be ruined by now, looks like you get your desired pizza after all."

"You care to join us Edward?" Charlie had begun to pull his arms through his body jacket and gather up Bella's tennis shoe leaving her to wear just her sock on the injured foot. "Oh… umm, thanks for the offer Charlie but there is still my paperwork to complete from my shift and I did promise to call into my parents later. Thank you again for the offer, maybe another time?" Charlie nodded and said I was welcome any time before he left to pull the cruiser round to the main hospital doors to drive Bella home.

"How is the new house? The girls seem to love it and I heard Esme has some stunning plans for you master ensuite." Bella was pulling her jumper over her head as she asked. Despite living there for the last 3 weeks and my many invitations via the others to dinners and games nights Bella had yet to see the place.

"It's very comfortable. I am sure in time it will feel like home, my mother certainly has plans for the empty shell and its giving her a needed creative outlet." I smiled as I tried to appear content and in different to the ache in my chest as I knew in the next few minutes I would have to let her go again.

"Why don't you forget the paper work till tomorrow? Come join the pizza party?" Bella sounded very nervous and her invitation made a fresh thump of nerves hit my stomach. Then the nerves turned to fear as I thought that maybe Jake was there again like he was that first night I had come home, that night when she rushed off to her fathers. "Or if the good doctor has to do his homework then maybe I should be a good teacher and leave you to complete it?" Bella was now sitting on the edge of the bed with her feet dangling off it her tiny fingers were playing with the non existent loose thread of her jeans. "Then once you're done I could bring you a slice and some beers as a reward?" The smile now lighting my face threatened to split my lips. She wanted to spend the night like we used to, just us and a greasy cheese slice with a beer.

"That sounds perfect. I should tell you thought that you can't drive on that foot for at least a week or 10 days. Shall I pick you up from Charlie's on my way home from my parents? About 9?" Bella smiled in return as we both seemed to share a nervous giggle, mine sounding on the boarder of hysteria or was it relief?

"9's good, I'll be sure to save you some garlic bread as well..." Bella was standing gingerly on her feet as I helped support her by placing my arm around her tiny waist. Slowly we took a few steps making our way out to the front entrance. We had just passed the ward doors when Claire the young nurse I had met on my first week called to me from her place behind the nurse's station.

"Edward! Phone call from your fiancée?" Claire was holding the phone in her hand and seemed surprised that I had a fiancée and that she was calling me while at work. Bella seemed to freeze on the spot beside me. I looked at Bella with wide eyes to judge her response. She simply smiled softly and nodded as she took hold of the wall to steady herself to that I could take my call.

Taking the swiftest of steps toward Claire holding the white telephone handset I panicked at what could have happened to have Tanya ring me while on duty. It was not like her and the fear inside grew as I realised how serious this would be for her to interrupt hospital work. I took the handset from her and resting on the high desk with my other hand.

"_Edward?"_ Tanya sounded upset and I could hear the gentle sobs slipping in her voice. "Whatever has happened just breathe. It's all ok, it's all going to be ok." I had to make her relax, her sobbing was heart breaking and so out of the normal strong put together Tanya I knew. This had to be serious.

"Tanya please just stay there I'll call Irina and I promise you I am running all the way to you." Tanya mumbled a sob filled thank you before the line went dead.

As if watching myself from a distance I placed the plastic handset back on to its base and gripped the desk with both hands and wide out stretched arms as if to steady myself. My head dropped and I closed my eyes letting a deep sigh fall from my chest. For what felt like eternity I stood there facing the desk with my back to Bella, eyes closed, head still dropped in disappointment and sadness at the same time for I knew what was to come. I did not want to look at her. I did not want to look her in the eyes, to see the pain I had caused her. I opened my eyes still staring at the desk with my head dropped. Taking a deep breath, drawing my arms in and flicking my head upright I new I had to face it. I let out the breath as I pushed away from the desk and turned to look at her. The moment my eyes met hers I knew; I just knew I had broke the last piece of my love.

_**Ok ladies I have to ask you all once again to thank the ace lady that is SKB30, she really works magic and even writes her own story as well as fixing this one lol!**_

_**If you have yet to check out her stories I beg you to do so! There is the temptation of oil, fireman and bidding on the cards and I for one do not want her to give up her story just yet, no kidding I HAVE to know how it ends.**_

_**Thank you guys and as always review! xxxxxx**_


	15. Chapter 15

**The right thing isn't always real obvious. Sometimes the right thing for one person is the wrong thing for someone else. So… good luck figuring that out.  
****Charlie Swan****, **_**Eclipse**_**, Chapter 16, p.363**

**I do not own Twilight **

**Bella**

"Bella it's been 3 weeks." Alice was doing her very best to break me; not knowing I already was broken. Nothing would make me happier than going back to the weekly cake meetings at the café, or all of us sitting together at Esme's eating cookies.

"3 weeks since you even made it for cake! If I hadn't witnessed you eating an entire chocolate devil cake when we were gym hating teenagers then I wouldn't be worried, but I did, and I am."

I hated lying, I hate lies period, but the idea of sitting there hearing all things Tanya and wedding and forever hurt me more than myself protecting lies. "Alice if I could then I would, but Miss Malory has had to drop out of escorting the squad to finals and if I let them down now then those girls will be forced to miss out. I already feel bad enough about missing games night last week." As the lies felt all too easy to repeat I was thankful to be having this conversation over the phone as my face was all too easy to read especially when I was lying.

"Rose and Emmett have yet to stop boasting about breaking that stupid record you and Edward set. I swear there is only so much I can hear about how Emmett delivered in more ways then one that night." Poor Alice was sounding sickened by the details I was sure Rose had taken great pleasure in sharing. Nothing like happy and getting some good loving Rose to put you off cake time.

"Well Jasper and I have our first scan this afternoon and I have been drinking that much water I fear for the cars interior. If he drives over a bump a little to fast then I will not be able to hold it in." Alice was in giggles and went on to explain how one of the girls in the shop had told her to drink lots to ensure a clear scan image. I was no expert but it sounded like an old wives tale to me.

"Alice you should go now before you open the flood gates and you do a 'pirates of Penzance'." Alice burst out laughing so hard when I made reference to Pretty Woman where in the movie when asked by a fellow Opera goer if she enjoyed the opera Vivienne says "It was so good I almost peed my pants" and her Edward covers for her by saying to the rather confused woman, "She said she liked it better than pirates of Penzance". Alice made me fall to the floor with giggles and I heard a sharp bang, I assumed was her phone dropping to the floor "Alice?" Her laughter abruptly stopped. "Oh no!" Her voice was distant from the phone and the next sound I heard was Alice's kitten heels running off clicking across the floor rapidly as the sound became fainter and fainter. _Yep, pirates of Penzance time, _I chuckled as I snapped shut my phone.

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

My days were filled with paper work and endless student reports which was something in the past I moaned about completing, but this year I welcomed the busy load as it filled my time and gave me a foolproof cover from attending the dinners and game night requests.

Jake helped me keep sane by making his evening visits armed and equipped with chocolate and beer. His book was being recieved well and there was a lot of excitement surrounding him at the publishing house. The company were currently talking about Jake travelling to Italy to research and write about the so called enemy clan that legend told lived there. He was keen to expand his travel base and I knew as soon as he got the green light my band aid would be leaving me.

"Bell's you have no food!" Jake's deep growls could be heard from the kitchen as I marked my student's papers in the lounge. I smiled as I could picture him shouting to me as his head was stuck deep inside my fridge. With my lack of time and loss of appetite lately I had left the fridge to house nothing more exciting then orange juice, butter and some cold meats. "That's it we need to go shopping." Jake threw my jacket to me as he passed my lounge door on his way to my truck parked in the drive. Laughing I grabbed my purse and keys, thinking to myself that he ate enough for a pack of wolves.

Jake rushed around all over the place never stopping to browse the aisle's to plan meals that he might like me to make. Instead he whipped from counter to counter putting huge bags of chips in my trolley, fresh baked treats, and I even saw him throw in a huge cartoon of ice cream. "Jake if I didn't know better I would swear you were planning ahead for a night of chick flicks and p.m.s." I was still lost in my own giggles when I turned the corner and came face to face with Esme.

"Bella!" Esme rushed around our facing carts and I soon found myself wrapped into her warm strong embrace. "Hi Esme." I smiled as I hugged her back affectingly.

"You're a sight for sore eyes missy. Where have you been?" I could feel the blood draining from my face as I was forced to lie to the kindest most loving mother figure I ever had in my life.

"Oh just busy with school. You know how things just get so busy around this time of the school year, what with staff members needing help covering lessons or trips and all." My voice sounded like half hearted lies even to me as I tried to look anywhere but at her smiling friendly face. "I heard Edward has bought a cute little place on the edge of town. You must be itching to get in there and make it a home, as only you can cast that magic home touch." I smiled and took a quick glance at her round warm face. Her forehead was furrowed and her head had tilted to the side, as she studied my face...

"You have me confused Bella. Edward moved in over a week ago. Haven't you seen it yet?" Oh no I had heard the others talking about how Edward had boxed up his life for what the boys hoped was the last ever time, as they refused to help him ever move again. Esme pulled me out of my inner thoughts about what had happened since I last saw Edward. "Bella, can I be honest with you for a moment dear?" Esme had pulled our carts over to the side next to a display of salsa dips. Unable to look at her or trust my own strength to vocal even a yes, I simply nodded my head.

"I always thought you two were written in the stars, that fate would finally claim your destiny and I would be planning _your_ wedding in my garden." Her weak smile never reached her eyes as I noted the soft tone of sympathy laced with words of sadness. Holding my hand in hers she rubbed the back of my hands with her thumb adding. "He misses you very much. He may be all grown up but lately he looks like he did that summer your dad forced you off to camp."

Standing there with Esme I cringed as I knew to an outsider I looked like a poor best friend, that spoilt and jealous spinster who was suffering from the green eyed monster over her friends wedding plans.

"Bell's they've got an offer on o.j. I picked up two as I drank the last of it before we left." Jake made me jump away from Esme's touch as his approach from behind me startled me. He placed the two large cartons of juice in the cart and smiled at Esme offering his hand as introduction. "I'm Jacob, nice to meet you." I noticed how Esme's face seem to take on the confused frown like before as she shook his hand, and I was grateful when her phone buzzed and she had to excuse herself telling me to call round and meet up with the girls on Wednesday to catch up over dinner.

"Jake do you ever think to buy anything remotely healthy? I mean the odd apple won't kill you." I laughed as I took note of the items that I had collected as I placed each one on the counter to pay. Jakes screwed his face up making me laugh and for that moment I wondered just how I would stand to do these silly little chores with out him there to share in the spoils of our hunt.

* * *

It had been 2 months and 5 days, since I last spoke to Edward. We had exchanged the odd text, and it seems that through our friends we were kept fully up to date on recent events. I knew Tanya had visited and that Alice had been excitedly drawing up designs for her dress and even agreed with her on a style suitable for me and Irina to wear. Rose was growing more and more anowed at my M.I.A status of late and I knew I would have to step up my efforts to join them.

Dinner earlier that week had been strangely fun. Both Alice and Rose talked fondly of Tanya's friend and fellow bridesmaid Irina. Rose said she had never met anyone who could shop as hard as Alice and yet despite her love of shopping Irina could understand and apprechate a fine automobile. Alice raved about how Irina had the same classic taste and porcalin completion as I did, this making her dress designing so much more easily.

Both of my friends understood my pain and demonstrated their understanding by holding their tongue lashing at my avoidance of dinners and games nights. I think that like me they wanted to believe that our newly found girl's dinners would slowly lead into more regular group dinners. I know that I was feeling the need to rebuild my support walls in my oldest friends. In a matter of weeks, during his wedding, I was going to need all the strength and support I could gather from around me.

Sitting in the staff room I cringed as Emmett threw himself down on the seat beside me, the staff room was the one place I could not hide from him and his concerned stares. This lunch time I was trying to busy myself with marking when Emmett shoved the plastic lunch box filled with apple slices under my nose and on top of my papers.

"Well you don't eat the candy I keep trying to stuff you with and if you lose anymore weight then I _will_ crush you when I hug ya." I huffed and in a show of surrender, put my papers on the table in front of us and picked up a red slice of apple. He had been sweet enough to even to put some ice cubes in with the apple to keep it chilled. Looking up from my lap I tried to offer my teddy bear of a friend a thankful smile. By the wince on his face I knew he didn't believe me.

"So Edward's all moved into his own place. Mum is all paint charts and wall paper samples over at ours, she wants to create this whole "magic Snow white" cottage feel over there." Emmett pinched a slice and popped it into his mouth then offered me a comical apple red smile as the skin from the fruit covered his teeth. The funny look granted him a snort and I playfully punched his firm shoulder.

"Maybe I should call round, been ages since I had a good pizza and beer partner." I shrugged my shoulders knowing it was an empty promise and that even if I want to I could not bring myself to physically go over there. "Did you guys have fun the other night?" Rose and Alice had told me that Emmett and Jasper we're getting together to plan the stag while we had dinner.

"Yeah it's all good. Jazz thinks Eddie is more of a few beers down at Stiffy's bar with a load of pizza's. I still think a trip to Victoria's other secret would make the miserable ass smile. Mind you he is signing his life away so that could explain the recent p.m.s." Emmett stuffed another apple slice in his mouth and mirrored his action.

"You make it sound like he's dying; it's just a wedding Emmett. He's still going to be your brother and drinking buddy after you know." Picking up my papers I started to gather them in a neat pile to file away, ready to set off for my next class.

"If you really believe that he's still going to be the same man...." Emmett had turned on his side and shifted to face me, "....why are you running out on him before he signs on the dotted line?"

How was I meant to answer that? Emmett was very correct in his question, because that's just what I was doing. I was running out on him and my actions had made my last statement look like I was the biggest of hypocrites.

That lunch time I really was "saved by the bell", as before I could justify my reasons the class bell rang and I had to rush off to my juniors waiting for me in study hall.

***~*~*~*~*~*~***

"Bella its Tanya. Could you be so kind as to ring me back at your earliest. It's in reference to the dress fitting Alice has booked for you and Irina. Can't wait to see you girls in those stunning creations, how did I get so lucky as to meet and have Alice create such one off designs? I swear she is an artist with a needle and thread. Call me super soon I really missed you at dinner during my last visit."

Ugh her voice sounded perfect even on the phone. Tanya had rung several times and I was running out of time before I had to be polite and return her call. Sitting next to Charlie as he observed the football game playing out on the flat screen I replayed Tanya's warm and happy message one last time.

Taking a deep breath I picked up the empty Vit. R cans from the table and shook the can in front of Charlie, a silent question as to whether he wanted another. Without taking his attention from the screen he offered me a swift nod in equally silent answer. Leaving to collect him another from the kitchen I took my phone and with a shaky press of the little green phone icon I called her back.

"Tanya Volturi." Even late on a mid week night she sounded light warm and friendly. I could feel waves of nerves whispering over my queasy tummy as I opened my mouth to speak, "Hey Tanya its Bella; Bella Swan." Compared to hers my voice sounded as smooth as gravel. "Bella I know who you are. I am so pleased you called me back, you're turning out to be like the white rabbit of wonderland, impossible to get hold of." Her musical giggles did nothing to help ease my nerves. "Yeah sorry to be so aloof, it's just the busiest part of the school year. Alice has been keeping me up to date though, and I understand that I should be at her studio ready for my first fitting next Saturday." I tried to sound happy and pleased but it sounded so false that my own voice made me wince in its dishonesty.

"Irina is also coming with me. She can't wait to met you, she feels like she has known you for years after hearing all about you during her last visit, and of course from all those heart warming and funny stories Edward has told us." Tanya began to chat away so happily, it reminded me of how I used to chat so easily to the others. "So I was thinking dress fittings, then little trip to the spa and then all us girls going to that Salsa club I spotted few weeks ago. Some thing tells me that with hips like hers our Rose can certainly sway to a good Salsa rhythm." Tanya giggled away so happily and hearing her plans for next weekend I suddenly felt stricken with panic as my plan of baby steps and small exposure to her and wedding plans was a little naive and a lot of wishful thinking.

"Yeah sounds good, Tanya." Cutting her off mid sentence I took my chance to exit the conversation. "I'm sorry Tanya but my phone battery is beeping at me. I'm going to have to go before it cuts out." Wishing her a speedy goodbye and even while she was expressing her pleasure and excitement at spending more time with me I flipped down my phone and rudely cut off our phone call.

***~*~*~*~*~*~***

The late evening sun shone upon on the flat dark surface of the lake, the odd bump or ripple from the passing boats or turning fish made it look almost like a blanket of diamonds. Jake had gone out with the guys from the reservation and even though on this occasion I had been invited to join them I decided against a night of drunken singing and baby sitting in favour of a peaceful night with my dad.

Charlie's house had become a sort of safe haven for me over the last few weeks. Since running back to its warmth all those empty months before. Tonight I planned on cooking him his favourite fish dinner; I just hoped that his fishing trip had been good and that he had actually caught some fish rather then sleeping in the anchored boat on the lake. Immediately after docking the boat and collected his fishing gear he joined me on the river bank and together we drove home in my old truck. Charlie offered small talk about his days catch and in return I offered him the appropriate smile or half felt giggle.

"No Jacob this evening?" looking sideways at my father while we waited at the red light I shook my head. "Just you and me hey kid. Lets stop and get some pizza and I think your old enough to join me for a few beers." I smiled as I saw him offer me a wink of amusement. "I wanted to cook; you don't eat proper as it is dad. Plus I'm just not in the mood for cheesy grease tonight." The light changed to green and I hit the gas continuing on our way home to Charlie's. "Ok, if that's what you want." I could tell from the tone in his voice that he had the raised eyebrow I give in look on his face as he looked out the window.

We pulled up outside the house and I went about helping Charlie unload the truck. As I carried the items up to the house I missed my footing on the bottom step of the porch and landed heavily on my butt. "Whoa there Bell's! You ok?" Charlie dashed to help me find my useless feet, he laughed when I winced at the sharp pain in my ankle. "Trip to the Bella repair factory then?" Charlie smiled and helped me find a seat in the cruiser as he drove us to the hospital other wise known in our family as the "Bella repair shop".

"It's just a sprain there really is no need for all this fuss. Honestly Charlie I should know by now when I need fixing and when I need to put my foot on ice. It's just a waste of time and resources." My grumbles of embarrassment fell on deaf ears as he walked me in to the sterile and busy waiting room.

"Its definitely swelling, I say the best option is to X-ray and clear away any doubt about a possible fracture then proving its clear we can strap up your ankle for support while it heals from the sprain."

The _child_ who was examining my injury sounded unsure and full of self doubt. The X-ray was definitely a waste of expense and resources, my many experience's and knowledge of my own body ignored by her and she continued in her text book examination. Charlie had long since hidden in the familiar waiting room with its plastic green chairs and taste less coffee machine.

"It's a sprain. Honestly just ask Dr Cullen, I should know my own body after my many wasted visits here." As I repeated myself for what felt like the hundredth time I felt my cheeks redden in anger as the attending rolled her eyes and throwing back the cloth curtain left me sitting there. I just hoped her aggressively clicking heels were carrying her to Carlisle, maybe then I could be home with some time left to make Charlie a real dinner.

"Just trust me, Carlisle will tell you himself in just a moment if anyone has a degree in sprains it's me." The young and very kind looking nurse seemed more interested in fussing with the charts at the foot of my metal bed then listening to me. I sighed deeply as I filled out the now oh so familiar paper work in front of me on its cold metal clip board. His velvet voice startled me and not even my dreams or memories had remembered just how his warm tone affected me.

"Well I guess I missed your graduation, but I was there for all of your educational field trips to the x-ray department." His teasing immediately made the tension leave my body and I could not stop the snort that escaped me. Edward looked relaxed and so happy in his environment. The younger doctor was standing beside him and her fingers were tapping at her hips as she looked from Edward to me and back again.

"Honestly it's a simple sprain. Charlie just would not listen to me and insisted on bring me here." I tried to take the new found attention for the three bodies stood at the foot of my bed away from me. This could not get any more embarrassing.

"Well Miss Swan it looks fairly swollen, let's just run an X-ray over it to clear away any doubt." Doctor Cullen mode firmly set in his voice Edward looked over the top of my medical chart before smirking at me. His junior attending gave me that wonderful eye roll and left to arrange the porter to take me to X-ray.

"Is this really necessary Edward? I mean I just missed the bottom step of Charlie's porch. I fell more on my butt then my ankle." I felt my cheeks burn as I mentioned my butt being sore and taking most of my hit. Edward flicked his silver pen over my chart, just then the bored looking porter arrived with a black wheel chair to transport me to radiology. "Humour me please?" He smirked as I muttered my grumbles of protest and childishly offered him a fake smile.

The whole time I was stretched out on that hard cold x-ray table I thought about him. Maybe this was a good thing, being here and not being able to run away like Emmett had accused me of.

Soon enough I found myself rather smugly sitting back in my metal hospital bed, my years of self injury taught me better then any medical degree and I smirked even more when Edward kindly relieved his staff to attend to me himself. He worked carefully and like the many times in the past when he has had to bandage me up I could not feel any pain from his touches.

Causiously I wanted to try and have a conversation with him about Tanya. After all it seems she is not going anywhere. "Tanya called me yesterday." At my quiet words he stopped his application to look up and pay attention to me. His eyes seemed to be looking for something in mine. Swiftly looking over his shoulder and towards the light box that had been holding my x-rays I continued my attempts at talking. "Alice has the first fitting ready for mine and Irina's dresses." Mentioning my part of his wedding I offered him my best effort at a smile.

"Irina is nice. She's very much like Alice if that can even be possible, as if there is more then just one shopping fashion freak." Edward smiled a little and resumed dressing my sprain with the bandage. "You'll like her, I'm sure. Irina shares a great like for the classics. The two of you will have a lot to discuss. Just remember to let Alice have some breaks between all the shopping." He sounded stiff and I noted the formal edge to his tone, guess this was the doctor in him speaking out over the friend.

We talked a little awarkdley about my reasons for missing Tanya's most recent visit and the results of the last games night. Edward never called me out on my half heart reasons instead he seemed happy to go along with the lies I had been spinning. There were moments I could see his face betray his words as he frowned. Inside I wanted to be brave. I wanted to ask him why he was working on a Saturday night covering extra hours instead of joining the guys for beers, or maybe why he had never called over to mine since that strange night call all those months ago.

"Bell's?" Charlie's voice pulled me out of my inner fighting feelings and questions, Edward pushed his wheeled stool away as he stood and pulled back the curtain revealing my lost looking father. "Ah just a sprain after all. That's good huh kid?" Charlie let out a hushed sigh as the tension left his shoulders. After all the years of my clumsy trips you would think the old man would have grown used to this routine.

"Yep, told you it's just me being uncoordinated." I offered him a relaxed smile and tried to lift my bandaged foot to prove my point. "I think your dinner is going to be ruined by now, looks like you get your desired pizza after all." The time had gotten late and by the time I prepared and cooked the fish Charlie would be ready for sleep, his answering smile told me a missed out home cooked meal was no loss over his craved pizza.

"You care to join us Edward?" Charlie began to push his arms through his padded waist jacket and gather up my spare shoe. I was surprised Charlie had extended the offer of dinner and there was a part of me that loved him for it because it meant I never had to take the chance of rejection. Looking anywhere but at Edward I prayed he would say yes.

"Oh… umm, thanks for the offer Charlie but there is still my paperwork to complete from my shift and I did promise to call into my parents later. Thank you again for the offer, maybe another time?" Charlie nodded and said something about how he was welcome whenever and I just tried to let it go over my head. Charlie left to collect the car and Edward offered to escort me to the main doors, which I wanted to accept despite my body aching in fear of further pain.

The silence fallen over us had grown heavy again and I just wanted this to all be over, to be a thing of the past. Time heals and all that; well it was time I was healed. "How is the new house? The girls seem to love it and I heard Esme has some stunning plans for you master en-suite." I tried to open an easy conversation between us as I dressed ready to face the chill of the night's breeze. "It's very comfortable. I am sure in time it will feel like home, my mother certainly has plans for the empty shell and its giving her a needed creative outlet." Mentioning Esme I cringed as I remembered seeing her looking so sad that night in the store with Jake.

"Why don't you forget the paper work till tomorrow? Come join the pizza party?" I tried to sound like my old easy "lets just you know hang out" Bella. _His_ Bella. Seeing him fight the idea of joining later on I tried to offer him another option. "Or if the good doctor has to do his homework then maybe I should be a good teacher and leave you to complete it?" Ok now I sounded like a foolish school girl trying to blag a date to some silly beach party. "Then once you're done I could bring you a slice and some beers as a reward?" His answering smile made my heart do that thumping sick thing. Only now it was a sick pain not a nervous happy flutter.

"That sounds perfect. I should tell you though that you can't drive on that foot for at least a week or 10 days. Shall I pick you up from Charlie's on my way home from my parents? About 9?" All the pain washed away as I pushed it down and let the silly happy images of our old pizza and beer habits fill my head, a relieved giggle slipped out and I was pleased to see Edward relax and join me.

Before I knew it we were standing in the entrance looking towards the glass double fronted doors for Charlie's cruiser, when the nurse over at the welcome desk called to him. "Edward! Phone call from your fiancée?" Edward seemed to freeze and I could feel the tension grip his frame beside me. Looking as relaxed and as indifferent as I could force myself to I smiled and nodded that he should go answer the call.

I watched as he quickly cleared the distance from me to the glossy desk where the nurse held out the receiver. His face became one of grief and pain with in seconds and I felt every nerve in my spine prick with fear as his voice carried the same tone of love and comfort that I had so desperately wanted to hear from him. "Tanya please just stay there I'll call Irina and I promise you I am running all the way to you."

I watched as he placed the handset back on to its base and gripped the desk with both hands and wide out stretched arms as if to steady himself. His head dropped and his frame appeared to wilt as he stood with his back to me. Time stood still, as did he, as I looked on, the pain in my body hurtling and gushing to the surface once more all the while _his _Bella being pushed down deeper and deeper until she would be almost gone.

His shoulders rose, I assume in a deep breath, and he raised his head upright. Then he turned to face me and I couldn't hide it; with that last look _his_ Bella became buried down deep inside and most likely erased and gone forever.

He left that night on the late flight. He followed his heart and he took the last of mine with him.

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

"Bella? You in there?" Jake tapped my forehead as we sat in my lounge and I had seemed to zone out on him yet again. My thoughts had travelled to _him_ again and to Tanya. Tanya had phoned after receiving some bad news about her father. I knew only that Esme had told the others that Edward would not be home for few days and that Tanya wanted Edward to personally over see her fathers care right now.

Rose had told me about it after ringing to ask if my foot would mean me needing a lift to school, Emmett had offered to drive me. With Jake not working much in the day apart from writing the odd fan response or attending the rare editors meetings he was only to happy to transport me to school. Arriving on the back of his sleek black motor bike the students had started to offer me some serious respect and I found myself almost on the same level of teacher cool as Coach Cullen.

"Sorry Jake what were you saying?" Jake shoved me playfully and said it didn't matter, but there was something he wasn't telling me. "Jake come on." I sounded like a whiney little girl as I shoved him back flirting with a wink. "Hey if it's a secret I can keep it."

This seemed to crack him up and he gave me his wicked grin and I worried for my ribs as I knew that face, and over the last few months I had gotten to know it well. "If you really want to know then you'll have to try better then some silly half attempt to flirt Miss Swan." His dark eye brows wiggled at me and I burst out laughing at him. "Hey! You think I'm funny?" Jake jumped on me and launched a forceful attack on my ribs. His skilful tickles made me scream out in laughter and I found myself thrashing from side to side begging for mercy.

"Ok, you really want to know?"

I looked up at him from my spot pinned down between him and my sofa nodding and smiling.

"They gave me the green light. I leave on June 22nd."

I stopped breathing letting his words find their space in my head. He was going? He was leaving me _alone_? On_ their_ wedding day!

Still pinned under his bulky frame I forced my lungs to take a breath, closing my eyes I forced back the prickling of selfish tears that threatened to spill. Jake had not pulled away from me and when he sighed I looked back at him.

His dark lashed eyes sparkled and he offered me a tight smile, "Bell's, I want you to come with me."

**Ok ladies long chapter I know but we had to set this in place. For those who question Bella and Jake can I just remind you that this is a B/E story, just keep with me ladies its gonna be worth it. **

**Xx **

**As always review and let me hear you xxx**

**And can I also just let you in on my happy right now, my wonderful friend and beta SKB30 will be coming to my home town this month and for those of you who read unbirthday I get to show her the walk that started it all! **


	16. Chapter 16

**Sometimes, loyalty gets in the way of what you want to do. Sometimes, it's not your secret to tell.  
****Jacob Black****, **_**New Moon**_**, Chapter 12, p.283**

**I do not own Twilight **

**Thank you to the wonderful SKB30 you are a great beta and an even greater friend. **

**Edward. **

Irina was pacing the floor in the hospital foyer when I arrived. No sooner had I set foot inside the main doors did she rush towards me. I had spoken to her briefly on my way to the airport as I frantically tried to catch the late flight. Knowing that I would be sometime she had dropped everything and made her way over to the hospital to comfort and support Tanya. Their bond was a deep set and admirable one; they had been there for each through all major life events and Irina's support and involvement with Aro only reinforced that bond.

Since I have known her Irina had been there with us every step providing all the strength, love and comfort she could. Like Bella Irina was the glue in their group of friends, she could calm Tanya with a simple smile or gentle touch.

"How is she?" I already knew the answer to my question before asking but I wanted my thoughts confirmed. "She's better. Aro took a bad turn after his last course of treatment, but they seem to have him stable again now. I just left him a little while ago and he was sleeping. But he was asking for you before that." Irina offered a faint smile and I felt my whole body relax at her recent observations. She left me at the hospital's main entrance and offered to take my bag to the apartment while she collected Tanya a fresh set of clothes and some sandwiches, we both knew from past experiences Tanya would not be leaving her fathers side for some time.

Aro was half sitting half lying in the metal cot, the starchy blue covers had been neatly tucked in around him and the white cotton under sheet had formed a wide banner across the top were it had been folded back over the blue. At first sight I believed him to be sleeping he could have been if it were not for his right pale hand that was softly caressing the blonde tendrils of hair that had spilt across the bed side.

When I reached the room Tanya was curled against the side of the bed, her legs tucked under herself in the plastic tub chair, her head lying on top of her folded arms which were supported by the bed. Watching silently from outside the hospital room door I could see she was in a deep sleep; her breathing was slow and even, and her slightly hidden expression was peaceful. Aro lay slightly propped up in his bed stroking Tanya's hair lovingly as she slept, he himself seemed to be lost in thought. I pushed the door open quietly and offered a nod of acknowledgement to Aro as his face brightened at my arrival.

"Edward my dear boy, such a joy to see you, even if it is under such sorrowful circumstances." Aro sounded weaker then my last visit but his pleasure at seeing me was just as evident as it was before. "If you wanted to see me you only need request an audience sir. There is no need to create such a fan fair." I smiled as I pulled the other chair closer to his left side. "Is she calmer then before?" I motioned with a nod towards Tanya. "She is such a soft heart. She has not only her mother's beauty but also her soul. I am regretful to have alarmed my sweet child." Aro stilled his movements and turned back to me "Still her strength and protector is here to care for her now." Aro fixed me with his milky blue eyes before returning to his soothing motions to his daughter.

* * *

For the next 3 days I consulted with Aro's doctors, there was little improvement to be claimed from his recent round of drug trials, and as we had feared when we learnt the true advancement of his condition it was no longer about beating this, but now a fight to find him comfort with the time he had left.

Aro of course understood the limits of our resources and he had come to terms with his fate long before Tanya had been informed of her fathers failing health. My time was spent offering her comforting words while preparing her for the inevitable. When I had studied under Aro all those years before I admired his fascinating mind and respected the level of commitment he offered his patients and his staff. After working with him I got to admire and respect the other side of this dedicated man. Tanya was his world. Having lost his wife he spent his life building a stronger one for others. He wanted everyone to have love, happiness and strength from his staff to his patience.

It was agreed that Aro would continue his residence in the private room of the hospital, after all it was the best place for him both medically and mentally. The level of care and respect felt for him here was overwhelming at times and I believed that this was everyone's way of giving back to him a small fraction of what he had given to them all his life.

Tanya certainly felt much more at ease leaving her father to the doctor's care as we made our plans to travel home. With Aro's rapidly failing health she was in greater need to press ahead with our wedding, Aro expressed his pleasure and gushed about how excited she was and that she could not wait to be Mrs Doctor Cullen, but I knew it was the comfort in knowing that with each dress fitting or cake selection we were one step closer to easing the pressure Aro felt and to the day where her father could rest easy knowing she was loved, happy and secure.

* * *

My mother had done wonders transforming the little cottage into a tranquil and comfortable residence that any family would be blessed to call home. Tanya and Irina had both travelled back with me ready to have their dress fittings with Alice.

Our first night back saw my friends almost breaking down the white wood front door; their arms were loaded with pizzas, beers and board games. Alice was bouncing up and down on the spot and her rushing past me towards the upstairs let me know it was not due to her normal excitable self but rather the baby using her bladder as a trampoline.

"How are you keeping daddy?" I chuckled when I saw how tired Jasper seemed. He smiled, taking a deep breath relaxing in to my new brown leather couch my mother had placed with in the newly styled lounge. "Things are going well, great. Alice is hard to keep up with. Her energy has doubled and it can not be that normal for _any_ human to be that insatiable in the bedroom." Poor Jasper flushed red and offered me a cheeky wink. It was not uncommon for pregnant ladies to become more extreme in their moods during the second trimester.

"Tanya your dress is complete; we can fit the length if you have your shoes?" Alice was wrapped up in dress talk with Tanya, while Rose and Irina were looking over my music collection both offering their uneducated and unrequested opinions. After hearing enough I left leaving the ladies to their discussions so I could go hunting for a second helping of pizza.

Emmett was rather quiet standing against my breakfast bar looking down at his fingers gripping his beer. He was so lost in his thoughts that he never even noticed me swipe the last slice of meat feast with extra peppers out from under his nose, something I have never been able to do and still keep 5 fingers on each hand intact.

"Ok who let the hamster out of its wheel leaving you to think for yourself?" I playfully punched his hunched shoulder hoping to lighten his mood. "Huh?" Emmett just shrugged his huge shoulders and put his glass bottle on top the marble counter, resting his fore arms on the counter top.

Emmett looked around the room and after he seemed happy we were alone he pulled out a black velvet ring box I knew once belonged to our grandmother. Opening the stiff lid of the little hinged box I saw my Grandma Cullen's diamond and emerald engagement ring sitting against the dark satin.

"I want to ask her." Emmett sounded quiet and bewildered; if I was not leaning into him from across the counter I would not have heard him. "I want to spend my life with her and only her. I have loved her since the day she pushed little Eric Yorkie off the swing for teasing me on the monkey bars. She's the one person I live for; she's my best friend and my lover." Emmett sighed and slowly closed the lid and put the box back inside his pocket. "I just don't know _how_ to ask her."

Just as he took another sip from his beer I noticed we were no longer alone. "I think you just did." I smiled as I tipped my head towards the doorway behind Emmett where Rosalie stood in silence, tears falling down her smiling cheeks. "Took you long enough monkey man." Rose rushed forwards into the arms of my beaming and now laughing brother.

* * *

The days flew by and with our daily calls to Aro's doctors and my need to repair any frail bridges with my work colleagues my free time was not so free. My parents were of course over joyed with the news of Emmett and Rosalie's engagement. Rose had not stopped smiling and if it were not for her odd sarcastic text or the odd smirk thrown in my direction in passing I would have wondered if that engagement had magical powers in creating a pleasant and happy Rosalie.

Bella had joined the girls for a day at the spa after their final dress fitting at Alice's studio, I heard from other conversations around me that Bella had moaned the whole time about being a living Barbie doll. Irina seemed to love Bella and had found her match in all things Hemming way and Austin.

"Edward may I speak with you?" Irina had left the main house joining me on my back porch over looking the late afternoon sun glowing red and orange over the peaceful meadow. It had become my favourite thinking spot and I often found myself out here in the late hours stewing on my thoughts. "Of course you can." I slide myself towards the side of the steps giving Irina more space to join me.

"It's very beautiful out here; I think I can finally understand your need to be home. This little town certainly has a magic that pulls you in." Irina sighed deeply stretching her lean legs out ahead of herself as she rested her upper body back on to her hands behind herself. "I would love us to live here of course but some how I don't think I can find work as easily here as I can in the city." She offered me a smile. Her career in computer design would not be as in demand here as it is in the city by several top ranked businesses.

"Bella is very charming; she was everything you promised she would be and so much more. Such a clever and witty mind and yet even with her brains and very classic beauty there is such innocence, she's confident about her mind but there is self doubt." Irina was looking off into the distance ahead of us as she shared her view on my best friend, the odd smile or frown gracing her face as she thought more about Bella.

"She never has seen herself clearly. For years I have been telling her just how wonderful she is; she's just so stubborn" I smiled as I offered some of my own thoughts on Bella. "She always puts everyone else's needs and feelings ahead of hers, it's like she needs to prove that she doesn't need anyone and that she's strong enough to go it alone." I offered Irina some of my beer before enjoying some of the cool bitter liquid.

"Bella's not the only selfless one though is she?" Irina put her hand on top of knee as she looked back from the setting sun to me. "Have you still not told her?" I was unable to trust my voice as I feared my mouth would run away from itself and spill out all my inner thoughts and fears. Irina looked saddened by my response and offered me a friendly and comforting pat on the leg before she left me to search out some time with Tanya before she left in the morning.

* * *

With just 2 days to go before the wedding Aro was strong enough to travel with the medical care provided by my father and I and an additional respite carer named Jane that the hospital had designated for insurance purposes and whom after a few meetings Tanya had approved. Tanya had rented a small and very comfortable house just on the outskirts of town which was within minutes of the hospital. Jane was to attend to Aro's needs for the duration of his visit, the extra pair of hands were much appreciated as it took some of the tension and stress away from Tanya letting her concentrate on other issues.

Alice, Rosalie, and my mother had been busy preparing my childhood home; they had planted too many varieties of dwarf tulips, crocus and daffodils leaving every inch of my fathers well kept gardens covered in spots of vibrant colour. The weather was turning out to be perfect for a bright and clear sun filled weekend, the tables and chairs were being placed by the company on the lawn ready to be dressed and set by Alice and her many hired troops or should I call them slaves tomorrow. White fairy lights had been wrapped around the few trees in the grounds and tiny clear tear drop crystals were being tied to the lower branches of my favourite tree. My only request was that my promise to Bella was kept and that our childhood tree house that stood amongst the branches of the strong tree would be left alone and untouched.

Sitting under the leafy cover of the tree I lent against the rough barked truck and closed my eyes. It seemed like my childhood was a dream and not cherished memories. That my many days and nights playing and laughing with Bella here were figments of my imagination, with each passing day it became harder to ask of her from our friends and sitting here it was becoming harder to even think about her.

"Edward!" My mother's voice reached me from the back patio and I smiled as I thought about how many times in my life she'd had to stand on that very spot calling me home to the house for snacks or dinner. "Oh there you are dear. I wanted to tell you I love you and I'm sorry." Kissing my cheek sweetly her smile made me confused about what she was sorry for. Then it went dark as I felt and heard my jock of a big brother throw a pillow case over my head before carrying me off and shoving me in the back of his jeep.

* * *

"Now your mine sucker! Dead man in need of a drink here!" As Emmett sounded out as he whipped the cotton cover off my head and I found myself in the local beach bar, a loud cheer from my friends and work colleagues echoed around me as someone put a beer in my hand and the music started.

"Sorry about the big guy, he wasn't too rough on you was he?" Jasper had joined me by the bar as we watched some of the hospital porters play pool; playing a league of winner stays on and the loser buying the next round of beers. "Not bad really. In fact I'm a little shocked I got off with just a kidnapping to the local bar. How did you rein him in from hitting strip clubs?" I laughed as Jasper tried to explain that the many years of dealing with Alice and the bribe of taking Emmett on a 2 night stag were the chips in playing for my freedom.

It was getting later in to the night and Emmett was playing Jasper for a winner takes all match on the pool table. If Emmett won he got an extra night on the stag in any location of his choice and if Jasper won he got 3 nights off making burger and chocolate shake runs for Alice at 2 in the morning. I was routing for Jasper the guy needed a break.

"Jake!" I heard a booming voice shouting out over the bar behind me and following his eye line towards the front door I spotted Jacob Black walk in to the main bar. He was with a group of over muscled puppy dogs and had that stupid smile on his smug face. I watched as the other people in the bar all greeted him slapping his back or hugging him in congratulations. _Why were they celebrating? _ Standing in the far side of the bar I tried to ignore their laughter and toasts to Jacob.

By the time Jasper had beaten Emmett in a land slide and I had finished several beers, I really need to use the facilities. Walking towards the men's room I passed the large group hanging around Jacob. "Italy sounds like an adventure, certainly once in a life time. I know you guys will remember it forever, after all a place like that has to leave its mark on you." The older man sitting closest to the bar was drinking his beer and smiling as he offered his thoughts.

_So the great wolf writer was leaving for Italy. Good riddance. _

Making quick use of the restroom I washed my hands and then my face trying to sober up a little more, ready to face another game of pool as no doubt Emmett would want to now play _me_ for those burger runs. Walking back towards the table I could not stop myself eavesdropping on Jacob's little group.

"She has everything ready to go; some friend is renting her place for a while. Oh hey Leah! I told him you have the best burger and fries here so make sure you give him extra ok." Jacob was laughing as he shouted to the dark haired bar maid as she was opening another round of beers for us at the other end of the bar.

"Sure Jake, what's his name?" Leah placed my bottle down and I handed the other to Jasper while Emmett was pulling out his wallet. "Mike Newton I think he works with her." Jacob shook his head and shrugged his shoulders before turning back on his chair to pay attention to his group.

Then as the seconds ticked over I realised just who Mike Newton was and _who's_ house he was _renting_? As I stood there letting my mind battle with all the wild emotions and thoughts Jasper had began to choke on his drink as Emmett slapped his back so hard I could hear the hollow echo's from each slap.

_Bella was leaving to go with him? To Italy?! _

* * *

The bright white light blinded me as I tried to open my eyes. My head felt like it could explode from the thumping pressure. With my eyes closed I patted the soft bed around me searching for a pillow or anything to shield my eyes from the bright daylight pouring from the uncovered window.

Today was the wedding. There was so much to be done; Aro would need my full attention this morning if he had any chance of fulfilling his last wishes and walking his daughter down the aisle.

Looking at my phone I noticed it was later then I really wanted it to be and now there was only a matter of hours left. Ignoring the missed calls icon on my phone I forced myself out of my bed laughing as I noticed I was still wearing last nights jeans and blue button down, I faintly remember Jasper help carry me out of the bar and wiggle me in the car as I wobbled unsteadily. Looking in the mirror I groaned as I noticed how messed up and totally hung over I appeared. Running my shower I pulled out a towel and undressed.

While the hot steam relaxed my aching back I tried to remember last night. After over hearing Jacob Blacks conversation about his plans to travel to Italy with _my_ Bella I had fought the urge to rip his arms off. Jasper had calmed me down saying that we would work out all the details of these travel plans with Bella over the next couple of days. Drunk then, or sober now, nothing changed the fact that she was _not_ going to go with _that_ mutt and _not_ know the truth.

After shaving I dressed in jeans and a simple tee, my hair was as always a law unto itself and I opted to leave be to go its own way. With today's looming stress I was sure to be running my fingers over it countless times in frustration anyway.

After calling back my mother and going over for the final time our itinerary for this afternoon I called Irina to inform her and Tanya that I was on my way to prepare Aro.

"Edward! Thank goodness you called Aro's not in a good way at all, right now we are here with the medics, and they are trying to move him to the hospital. I tried to call you but it kept going to your voice mail." Irina sounded panicked and for her to be so worried I already knew the situation was now out of our control. "I'm headed to the hospital right now; I will meet you guys there." I snapped my phone shut and pushed the gas pedal harder heading to the hospital.

* * *

Aro was comfortable but refusing anymore pain medication stating that he wanted to be fully conscious as he needed to speak with his family. Tanya sat between Irina and I as we both tried to comfort her with little effect. "He would like to speak with you and Edward." Jane requested that Tanya and I follow her to Aro's private room. "I'm so sorry this happened Miss Volturi. I will give you some time alone." Jane opened the door before closing it behind us.

Aro was very weak and even though I knew the many tubes and machines around him were there to help him they offered no comfort. Tanya gripped my hand harder as I pulled her towards her father's side and into the little blue tub chair beside mine.

"Daddy?" Tanya sounded more like a frightened little girl than the strong and independent woman I had met all those months before. Aro smiled and opened his eye's to look at us. "My beautiful girl; so like your mother, so beautiful." Aro weakly placed his hand over Tanya's that was laid next to him on the bed, her other gripping mine firmly.

"I am so very proud of the woman you have become, you are everything your mother was and everything I have ever wanted and tried to be as a person. You will be a wife and someday you may be a mother. No man has ever been more honoured to be a father than I am to have been to be yours." I sat in awed silence as I realised he was telling her his wedding speech. Tanya was crying softly as she used their joined hands to wipe away her tears.

"Edward you have been like the son I never had. Your gift as a doctor is one of great power. I have been honoured to be your teacher and in our time together I have been honoured to become your friend." I smiled and placed my hand over theirs in thanks of his kind and heart felt words. "You have been my teacher and in all our hours of working together you have become my friend and my father, sir." At my words I felt Aro weakly push up against my hand and his smile grew a little wider.

"Now my friend, my son I wish to ask two things of you." I nodded and look into his eyes giving him confidence to continue. "Firstly I ask that you continue to be the strength and the friend you have been all this time for my daughter." I smiled and told him in silence yes. "Secondly I ask that you bring Irina in here. We all know it is her who truly holds my daughters heart." At his last request I felt Tanya's shock as if it were my own.

"I know why you chose to walk this path and you have been so kind as to indulge my aging wishes, but my child I could never rest knowing you felt you could not share this part of yourself with me. I love you child no matter _who_ you love." Aro raised his hand shakily as he smoothed Tanya's face, wiping the tears once again from her cheek. "Edward is a good man and a kind man I know that you share a kinship that will last, he has given me his word to be the man in your life and for me as your father it is all I could ask for – that you are loved and happy. He truly is my son."

With another squeeze to both their hands I left to find and deliver Irina. I found her pacing in the waiting room with my mother who spotted me first and rushed to hug me tightly. Irina looked calmer now then she had upon arrival, I smiled to her over my mother's slight shoulder and she visibly relaxed further.

"Irina Aro has asked to speak with you." I offered her my hand as we walked to the little white room. "He knows." Irina stated rather then asked but I still nodded in answer as I kissed her cheek. "Thank you Edward for everything you have done. We could not ask for a better friend, I won't regret meeting you, or for having you as a friend in our lives." Irina hugged me and held my hands firmly as she pulled away. "I do however regret asking you to lie to your family and to your friends. They are wonderful people and I can only pray that they forgive Tanya and me for asking this of you." Without another minute Irina pushed open the door and joined her love beside her father.

Without the need to protect Aro, or fulfil Tanya's request I was now free to face my own feelings and matters of the heart. A weight had been lifted and a new beginning would start right now by telling my mother the full truth before going after my first and only love.

* * *

**Ok ladies lets hope Bella has not left just yet…… RUN EDWARD RUN!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Please review, cos ...... the more reviews the faster he'll run ;o) **

**Again I have to thank the wonder that is my beta she rocks these out perfect so Mrs Cullen-Pattinson thank you and "xoxo"**


	17. Chapter 17

**As we walked, I felt myself settling into another version of myself, the self I had been with Jacob. A little younger, a little less responsible. Someone who might, on occasion, do something really stupid for no good reason.  
****Bella Swan****, **_**Eclipse**_**, Chapter 4, p.101**

**I do not own Twilight**

**Bella. **

"I understand that this is all kind of sudden, and of course I will understand if my request for a temporary leave is not granted by the board." I took a deep breath trying to calm away the nerves that had returned to my fluttering stomach. "However I would like to point out that I have completed all my students personal reviews; my lessons are clearly planned and prepared from now until the end of the term 3 weeks from now; my students have completed all their papers required by the board of education; and really it's only a few outstanding junior grade book reports that need to be handled with." Mr Banner sat across from me in his large black leather chair, his fingers pressing together under his rounded chin, his eyes appearing to be taking in my request.

I'd taken a few days to consider my options and make a decision after Jake had asked me to travel with him. The idea of Italian lakes, vineyards and summer sun appealed very much, much more than it should have. Jake had been given a more than comfortable budget for his expenses and he was keen to offer me the opportunity to join him. While he was off in search of material for his second book about the so called _"enemy clan"_ I could take the time to find myself again, to rebuild myself back in to the person I wished I truly was, not the person I once thought I was.

With Edwards' wedding in only weeks away this invitation held more promise of escape then it did self exploring. With much deliberation and an equal amount of heartache I agreed to join Jake on his adventure. I would try as hard as I could to make it about finding myself and not just use it as an escape.

"Miss Swan you have always been a very professional and dedicated member of my teaching staff, to lose you for even a month would be hard. However I can see that you could so with some time away. So I hope Italy treats you well and allows you to return back to us here sooner rather than later, because it would be a greater hardship to lose you permanently." Mr Banner stood away from his desk offering me his hand I warmly accepted his, almost bursting with relief at being granted my 12 month leave of absence. My job was safe and would still be here upon my return, and Mike Newton had gladly accepted my offer to rent my home for my time away. After his landlord failed to repair the water heater Mike had handed in his month notice and I knew he had been trying to find somewhere desperately as he only had 2 weeks left before he needed to vacate. So when I finally made the decision to go away it seemed like the obviously solution to Mike's house hunting issue.

"Thank you so much Mr Banner." I smiled as I made my way towards the door of his office and through to the busy hallways of student's eagerly counting the days down to senior prom. I stopped just outside the door and turned back to him speaking quietly, "Could I be so brave as to also ask that my leave be kept between us for the moment? It's not really something I wish to discuss with the staff or the student body several times over." This was asking a lot even I knew that, but still, if he could hold off spilling my plans with my co-workers or more importantly with Emmett then it would make my plans of a stealthy exist so much easier.

"Of course Bella." Mr Banner then did something that shocked me more than him addressing me by my first name; he squeezed my shoulder offing me a kind smile. "Your reasons and the news of your leave are just that, _yours_ to tell. I just hope you find whatever it is you're looking for. Safe travels and a speedy return Miss Swan."

* * *

With my plans given their green light I was feeling more excited but even more increasingly sick at going. My heart felt heavy and yet free, the only feeling that I could compare it to was that of the one and only time I had ridden a roller coaster. While waiting to take my seat in the tiny cart my heart beat so hard and so fast that it almost ached as the adrenaline rushed through my veins; but the second the carriage climbed its first peak and whipped around the breath taking corner my screams made me feel alive and free. Just like the rollercoaster I knew that the build up to leaving was going to be difficult to handle, and actually leaving even harder, but I also knew that once I had left things would be easier. They had to be.

My dress fitting came sooner then I wanted, and even though I knew by the time I was scheduled to be wearing the beautiful blue satin creation I would in fact be boarding a plane to make my escape, I still had to attend the planned fitting.

Tanya had returned for her dress fitting along with Edward, their return also brought Irina with them. This time there would be nowhere to run and nowhere to hide, I was surely going to have to spend the day sharing old friend stories about Edward. No doubt things like the time when we were 7 years old where he'd jumped off the pool side breaking his arm in the process, after Emmett told him to do it in the shallow end adding height to the stunt by jumping from a chair. Alice would share the cringe but cute friend factor that I made Carlisle plaster my arm so I could be the same as my best friend. And then of course after the stories there would also be the tiny matter of seeing Tanya in her wedding dress.

Alice had been working for days adding just the perfect amount of detailing; all I had heard on my rare coffee or dinner meeting was how long it had taken her to find the perfect pearl, or the perfect thread to stitch the perfect pearl on with.

The very thought of perfect Tanya standing in front of me in her perfect dress, smiling her perfect smile at her perfect reflection, and thinking of her perfect ever after with _my_ Edward filled me with the same sickening ache and made me scorn myself at having such childish and jealous reactions. She was the one and only person that I had ever been completely and physically sick with jealousy over and that wasn't going to stop anytime soon.

So with that appointment only a day away I needed to prepare the perfect Bella Barbie mask and attitude. Thinking on it I decided the best thing to do was spend the night in with those two great lovers in my life Ben and Jerry, we would share a pint of mint choc chip and swoon over some half dressed heart throb on my flat screen, whilst I put off the inevitable.

* * *

Just as the half dressed denim cut off wearing hunk had began to kiss his hearts desire on my TV my front door rattled so hard with noisy bangs that I wondered if it was still on the hinges. I pressed pause on the remote and wrapped my couch throw tighter around my shoulders as went to answer the door.

"Bella it's me, let me in please I need to talk with you. Please baby girl let me in." Emmett's voice was desperate and filled with panic and my first thoughts were that someone must be hurt or something so bad had happened that I could not even begin to think it. Pulling off the security chain I opened the door to a wild looking Emmett, still dressed in his coach sweats from school.

Before I could speak to invite him in I found myself pushed aside as he swept into my dark kitchen barely lit by the hallway in a soft glow. Emmett was pacing like some kind of caged bear and it was starting to scare me. His hectic marching did nothing to help the fear that was already bubbling in my chest.

"It's not true is it? It's just some sick joke or prank by Banner to trip me out right?" Emmett muttered so fast it was hard to keep up with him as he paced the tiled floor faster. "You're too good at your job. They must be replacing one of those drama staff witches. She looked young maybe she was a work experience placement. You'd tell me if you were going, I mean fuck you'd tell Eddie at least and he'd tell me." The more he paced pulling at his cropped dark curls, a trait he like Edward had developed when they were upset or frustrated, and the longer he paced the more I understood his reason of panic.

"Emmett." I tried to interrupt him but his muttering and hair pulling had him too distracted to hear me. "Emmett!" looking over at me from his pacing I watched as his eyes found their answer and I confirmed his rambling.

"I take it Mr Banner was showing my substitute around the English department and you saw him preparing her for my classes next year?" I couldn't look at him directly, his dark eyes already looked so hurt and I just knew he thought I had betrayed him.

"You're leaving." He stated. Unable to speak and hurt him further I just nodded. "When?" Emmett crossed his huge arms across his broad chest and I almost wanted to laugh at his child like pout.

"I leave in ten days. Jake has the chance to travel to Italy for his book and he asked me to go with. You know how hard it's been these past few months, so I figure it's a chance to find myself and a chance to heal." I looked down to the floor hesitating and thinking a little at the same time. "Mike Newton will be living here so my bills are covered, Banner has cleared it with the board that I have twelve months leave, and Charlie, well Charlie understands more than I thought he could." I smiled weakly as I looked back up to my hurt co-worker, my friend, and my big brother. "I was going to tell you all but it just sounded so stupid. Like I'm some bitter and jealous person running away. But it's not about me anyway; a week on Saturday is not about my leaving, it's about Edward marring Tanya and them building a life together. I won't ruin their day. I won't ruin _his_ day."

Emmett crossed the tiny cold floor and I found myself wrapped into those warm strong arms. "Bella you have to stay, please. I promise everything will be ok, you have to know we are all here for you." I could only nod against his firm shoulder. "I need you to stay here because I'm going to marry Rosie, and you have to stay here because Alice is going to have a baby, and you have to stay because Jasper will need every one of us to keep it together, and baby you have to stay because he does love you. If you leave with that mongrel Black you really have lost him." Emmett sounded so scared and I almost believed him to be wiping away stolen tears as I felt his cheek resting against my head.

"No, I can't stay. Every second I stay I feel less of myself. I thought I knew who I was; I thought I was his love, his soul. I thought I was the glue but I was so wrong. All these years I have been right there. Was every smile I gave him a lie? Was every laugh? Was every blush from his touch? Was every look I ever gave him a lie?" Looking away from my twisting hands and fiddling fingers I took a calming breath and faced him as Emmett pulled me into his strong arms. "Because right now it feels like the only person I have lied to Emmett is myself."

Pulling away from his solid and warm embrace I left to find solace in my couch. "I need to do this, for me." Looking back to my bear I pleaded for him to understand. "I need you to help me, please. Emmett I need you keep this quiet until I've gone…." Before I could finish I found myself pulled into his warm side as Emmett simply nodded and hugged me tightly.

* * *

"Alice do we really need this amount of chocolate?" Tanya could be heard giggling from the other side of my changing room as they all waited in the spa changing rooms for Rose and I. Our next stop would be the hotel lounge where Alice had planned for us to relax, eat too much chocolate, and drink virgin and not so virgin cocktails.

We had spent the morning trying on our dresses. My dress fit perfectly, the many years Alice had spent making most of my glamorous outfits had meant little alterations were needed. While I stood in front of the girls next to Irina they all gushed over how the colour and style suited us and Tanya kept commenting how the relaxed and non fussy design would mean we could wear them over and over again for future events. Tanya began to tell Rose about how she would be wearing her dress again at next month's hospital fund raiser. All the while my inner voice kept running over my rehearsed speech of how I would not have to wear it even once.

My heart was warring with my inner voice; Alice would be crushed once she found her beautiful dress hanging lonely from its hanger in my packed away room with the letters I had written to each of them explaining my selfish lies and betrayal. I could only pray that my friends would find the places in their hearts to in time forgive me and my cowardly actions.

"So spill it, I want to hear everything about you girls. Bella who was your first love? Who stole your first kiss?" Tanya had slipped off her designer heels and pulled her freshly painted red toed feet under herself as she sipped her creamy cocktail and nibbled on a caramel disk. "Oh that's easy." Rose following Tanya's move sat back sipping her drink and pointed to me. "It was Edward."

I could feel my face burn with embarrassment as all eyes turned to me. _Thanks Rosalie Lillian Hale, my now ex friend. _

"Come on Bella tell us all about it. Was he all wet and fish like?" Tanya started to giggle along with Irina as they sat on the hotel's stiff couch. I was sure they were only doing this to embarrass me. I closed my eyes and rolled them in secret as I forced the twisting nausea in my stomach to settle.

"We were 14 and Eric Yorkie had asked me to the spring fling dance. I remember sitting at our lab table waiting for Edward when Eric stumbled across from his bench and stuttered something about picking music, and how if I didn't already have a date he would like to escort me." We all giggled and I could not stop the smile finding my lips at the memory of a stiff and over formal Eric wishing to "_escort_" me.

"I was about to tell him no when Edward came in; he was soaked by the shower he got caught in from the walk to class. I remember Eric getting even more nervous and saying for me to let him know _"whenever"_, as he stumbled to the back of class. Edward asked what Eric was mumbling and when I mentioned the dance he said I should go with Eric as he would be going with Jane." Rose then made some comment about how Jane was like the most popular member after her on the cheer team and she was popular for reasons other than her _"pretty eyes"._

I remembered how it had hurt to think of him going with her, but looking back Jane was like the Tanya of high school, completely perfect. Jane had been chasing after Edward for months; she even had half of the football team telling him to ask her to prom. Back then I always hoped that he never asked her because he wanted to wait and ask me; of course soon as he knew I had an escort he was almost relieved to be off the hook as it were and free to go with Jane.

"So anyway I said yes to Eric. Well the day of the dance came along and by this time Alice and Rose had Jazz and Em firmly under their spells. I of course was really nervous about wearing heels, a dress, and actually having to go to a dance..."

Giggling softly to myself I again remembered how Alice and Rose had both been talking about how the spring fling was huge and how it would be the perfect time for me to finally have a _"full on French kiss"_ as they had both reached that level and were keen to see me join them in our quest for woman hood.

"...so I'd snuck off whilst they were deep in conversation about kissing and Edward was the one to find me hiding in the tree house in his garden. Esme had taken me dress shopping and earlier that morning to help me shop for _"proper"_ underwear; my father of course being too embarrassed to take himself and Esme had been so sweet to notice my embarrassment and offered to help me. So anyway there I was freaking out at having to really go ahead with the date when Edward pops up and sits with me." Talking about it with the girls I found myself right back there on that day....

***

"_What you doing sitting up here? Alice and Rose are looking for you, do you know that?" _Edward smiled as I groaned at the thought of them actually finding me and torturing me for hours with crimping irons and bubble gum flavoured lip gloss. He sat down and bumped my shoulder in attempt to gain my eye contact._ "What's wrong?" _

"_Nothing's wrong, just I'm thinking that maybe tonight is not such a good idea after all." _Looking away I had begun to fiddle with the end of my hair sitting on my shoulder_. "I'm...afraid…" _before I could tell him just what it was making me scared he asked._ "What of?"_ Looking across at him I told him honestly._ "Dancing… he'll want to dance with me." _

Standing up Edward smiled and offered me his hand. I put my hand in his and he helped me up to stand opposite him. Without letting my hand go he pulled me closer into a slow dance embrace and slowly he moved us around the small floor of the tiny wooden tree house. Before I could help myself the biggest smile found me as I giggled at dancing with him._ "See your dancing." _Edward smiled back as we continued turning_. _

"_Now you're not afraid. There's nothing else to stop you now" _I sighed and standing still looked down at my feet in embarrassment._ "Rosalie said he'll want to…. He'll want to kiss me as well." _Still looking down wards I remember how my heart thumped wildly against my chest as Edward put his fingers under my jaw tilting my head up wards._ "Bella..." _I heard him almost like it was whisper of a wish. Then ever so slowly his lips pressed in to mind and I remember how my eyes popped open wide as Edward Cullen gave me his first kiss and stole mine._ "See it's easy, nothing to be afraid of, right?" _

***

Looking back up from studying my cocktail I looked at the shocked and tender faces around me. Alice looked confused and Rose looked saddened. Nether knew that the reason my face felt hot as they applied the many layers of foundation back on that afternoon in Alice's pink New Kids on the Block poster covered bedroom was because I was forever replaying that sweet feeling over and over.

"Did you go to the dance and kiss that Eric guy?" Irina looked genuinely lost in my old story. "Umm no. I never made it to the dance." Both Tanya and Irina blurted out a loud "Why!" Leaving me to yet again tell another lie. "I fell over and hurt my ankle. I remember telling Alice that heels were a bad idea." They all laughed as I remembered the real reason....

After my moment in the tree house I left feeling like I had finally awoken the spell in Edward and was flying high on cloud nine, only to be bought back down to earth when I overheard Em and Jazz talking about how Jane was going to make their friend in to a hero. They were talking in that teenage boy way of how Jane was a sure thing and that Edward would be hitting at least 3rd base before the King or Queen was announced. Then once I saw Edward helping a perfectly dressed Jane out of his car I felt too sick to go in and told a disappointed Eric that I didn't feel well and that I should go home, of course insisting that he stay.

That was the first night of many that Edward stole more than just wishful tears.

* * *

Sitting at the old wooden dining table I watched happily as Charlie heartily ate his dinner. I would miss my father in the coming months and could only find comfort in the knowledge that my afternoon spent cooking a selection of his favourite dinners to freeze later on would ensure his healthy eating while I was away.

Jake had already packed the last of his things ready for tomorrow and the guys would by now already have him held prisoner at the bar. The image of Jake's beaming smile as he shared goodbyes with his friends made me smile. It made me wonder if perhaps Leah would see the good man he had become and the great man she was letting go.

"You all set kid?" Charlie had finished his tomato pasta and slid his cleared plate across from him as he undid his straining belt a few notches. Picking it up I placed it in the sink and poured him a glass of milk. "Yeah. I still have some things I need to do, but I think I'm ready."

Charlie looked at me carefully and I knew that he knew there was so much more he wanted to understand, but just like all my life Charlie never pushed, never picked at me to spill it all out.

We both took a seat on his well loved couch as the football played out on the flat screen, I knew that if I was asked later I would not be able to remember who won, or even which teams played tonight, but I knew years from now I would always remember the way my father held his breath at tense moments or how he would nip at his top hair covered lip.

Watching my father through side glances I was suddenly hit by just how much he had given up or done without for me. When my mother left he never thought about the loss of his heart, or the pain of being alone. Just like all his life my father put others ahead of himself. Rather than hide away in self pity or grief he stood strong and made a vowel to raise me the best he could in happiness and with love. Charlie Swan may not be an emotional man on the outside who shared his inner feelings or thoughts, but because of him I knew love.

When the game was over I cleared away our empty glasses and tidied up the disturbed couch pillows and Charlie happily went about telling me how his team had won fairly. It was then time to return back to my empty home for one last night of restless sleep before facing my new beginning.

"Bell's?" My father stopped me as I bent down to collect my fallen jacket by the hallway coat rack. Looking up I watched how he seemed to be fighting with himself. "You really gonna go?" Not sure if he meant my leaving this moment or my leaving with Jake tomorrow I nodded my head. "You wouldn't leave me and not give me the chance to say good bye proper, would you?" I felt my face crease in confusion. Charlie knew I would be going, it was him who had helped me write my letter to the school board requesting leave. "I mean you _are_ coming back, aren't you?" Suddenly it all made sense. Looking at Charlie now I understood why he was nipping at his lip and holding his breath. It was not tension or fear about the loss of a game; it was at the idea of losing me.

"Of course I will." Wrapping myself in to my father's arms I lost the battle to hold back the tears of regret that slipped away. "I promise that if I was going for good I would tell you and say a proper goodbye." Holding me a few moments longer I smiled as my father held my cheeks and kissed my forehead just like he did when I was a child. "Well then, safe travels kid and you tell Jacob Black to look out for my girl." With a final smile and promise to call, I left my safe haven and drove in the silence of the night forgoing my normal music channel on the trucks beat up stereo, choosing instead to use the drive to help me think how to tell Edward goodbye.

* * *

_Alice, Rose, Jazz and Bear, _

_If you are reading this please understand what I am trying to explain so poorly in the words below. (Alice you should give this to Jazz to read, he'll control his emotions better.) _

_Firstly I must beg for your understanding and you're upmost forgiveness at my cowardly actions. It was not in my plan to run away from you all so suddenly, but I cannot lie, this option right now seems the only way my heart will survive telling you. _

_Jacob has been invited me to travel to Italy with him for the next five months and considering the passing months of heartache I grabbed the chance to break away with both hands greedily and selfishly. I can offer you no other reasons then fear, regret and jealousy. Please try to understand me when I tell you I despise myself more for my sickening and selfish feelings. _

_Secondly I must be so incredulous as to make a request of you all. Charlie knows that I am leaving and like the warm and gentle man he is, he understands more then I could expect him too. It's with my heart that I ask you all to watch over him during my absence. Between you and my frozen meals packed into his freezer I hope to find Charlie well and not resembling one of Nero's classic deep pan 14 inch with 5 of the best. _

_Mike Newton will be moving in at the end of the month and has kindly offered to tend my property and cover the finances while I am away. My job is safe and will be waiting for me on my return next school year. _

_I could tell you that this is the hardest letter I have ever had to write, but I never have been a good liar. That award goes to his letter; it's next to the gift on the hallway dresser, perhaps sometime later after the festivities you could make sure that he gets to read it. _

_Alice, look after my niece and give her more than chocolate thick shakes for midnight snacks, strawberry is a good option too. _

_Rose, don't wear out that beautiful ring and only use its dazzling beauty to stun those drama witches into silence. _

_Jasper, look after our pixie and maybe join Mike for some berry cobbler? _

_Emmett, for more than you could know thank you. _

_Please forgive me I could not bear to leave you all knowing you think less of me then I already think of myself. _

_Xx_

With a final read through I folded the thick white paper in half and sealed it away in its envelope and addressed it to them all. A little pull through my fingers and I place it on the kitchen breakfast bar ready for their discovery alongside my beautiful satin dress hidden away in the protective cloth bag.

Jake had called me from the bar while he was still sober enough to remind me of our departing times the next day. The cab would collect us both from here at 11am giving us plenty of time to make our flight to the city were we would make our connecting flight to Italy.

Showering I used extra amounts of my almost empty strawberry body wash, as I breathed in the sweet scent I tried to relax my body and force the muscles to soften under the steaming jet over head.

My hair felt nice as I ran the last of my conditioner over it. As I ran my fingers through I thought about just what I was leaving behind. Alice would by now be moaning about the need for a thick chocolate shake as she plumped the pillow under her growing bump. Jasper would no doubt be returning from their night out with a large burger with the works and the much craved cup of gloop. Rose was almost too easy to imagine lying half lost to sleep while resting on her left hand on top of the car magazine as she waited for Emmett to return in a soppy beer enhanced romantic daze.

Turning off the shower I dried and dressed myself in my faithful sweats, unable to stop my sick masochistic actions I pulled Edwards old college shirt over my head and smiled when I felt my finger trap in a worn hole at its neck line. I wondered if he would be twisting and turning in nerves and excitement about the day ahead.

Lying alone in my spacious bed I watched the minutes tick by as a new day began. Time was such an interesting and confusing matter; it took a full 1,440 minutes for a day to pass, yet only 1 second for a new one to begin. It had only taken seconds for my whole life to change. Why is it that when you want time to pass quickly it never does, but when you don't it's over in an instant?

Five months ago lying in this very bed I remembered talking for hours on the phone with Edward as he moaned about having to attend the hospital fundraiser with his boss's daughter. The next night we talked again for hours about how hard it was to share some parts of yourself with others, even your loved ones. I listened easily and openly as he spoke of this amazing woman who in a matter of minutes understood every feeling he had experience in his life.

Lying here now I know that amazing women he could share everything with was Tanya. I almost wanted to be sick as I thought back to how it was nice to know that while he was away from us all and from me he had a friend, and how I'd felt relieved he had a someone that also understood him. I closed my eyes trying to block out how blind I had been. How could I not have seen it coming?

* * *

No sooner had I closed my eyes did the morning light reach them. The bedside clock had lulled me into a dreamless state of darkness with its lazy ticking and now it seemed to mock me in its speedy increase.

Just like he said he would be Jake was sitting in my kitchen going over our flight documents one last time. We were going to _"wing it"_ when it came to accommodation, which would add to the great adventure according to Jake. I don't think his smile ever looked more stunning, I could feel the excitement and sense of exploration pouring out of him.

"Morning loca!" His voice practically sang from him à la Disney style and despite my self-loathing I smiled back punching his solid upper arm as I walked past him to the inviting dark liquid calling me from the coffee pot.

Edward's letter remained unwritten and as the minutes ticked swiftly past me I felt the desperate need to escape. He had been my best friend, my soul, and my love for so long that to even imagine holding the sleek silver pen in my hand as I wrote down my farewell gripped my chest too tight to breathe.

"Car's here." Jake walked back from his viewing spot at the large bay window in my lounge. Looking up to the silver metal clock gracing my kitchen wall I sent a metal nod to grandfather time. _My time is up. _

With time winning the battle I grabbed my pen and quickly wrote him my goodbye.

With a silenced kiss to the sealed envelope I placed the stiff note beside the small wedding gift; I'd chosen a black a white photograph showing a six year old Edward dressed in Carlisle's best dinner jacket. I always loved that photo. He was holding a tulip from his mothers beautiful floral garden and was proposing to Esme after Carlisle had told him that he should be so lucky as to marry a girl as beautiful or wonderful as his mum.

"Ready?" Jake stood in my front door holding my flight bag with Charlie's police hoody over his arm. I had taken it from the coat rack yesterday to wear on the long flight. "As I'll ever be."

With one final glance back to my modest home I pulled the wooden door shut firmly behind me.

* * *

As I sat in the seat I told myself _No more fear Bella_ over and over. _You do this, and you do it for you._ For once in my life I knew wholeheartedly that I was not doing this for anyone other than myself, and for once my smile was my own and it felt good.

The plane took its turn on the runway and I watched as it hurtled along the thick black strip building speed with every second. As if to mirror the plane my fear surged up and to the surface...

I was doing the right thing....wasn't I?

**Next chapter is written ladies and with my wonderful beta SKB30 who even stayed up till some god horrid hour to help me work out the kinks. **

**As ever review and make me smile or cry or feel relieved that not everyone of you wonderful ladies hate it.**


	18. Chapter 18

I wish you could feel the… complexity… the confusion… I feel. That you could understand.  
Edward Cullen, Twilight, Chapter 13, p.277

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews. It's a lot to live up to and I hope I can deliver a chapter that makes at the very least 1 of you happy. **

**My beta SKB30 as ever is my driving force and is also working hard to ensure I give you guys the best I am capable of, so apologies if it's taking a little longer to update. We just want to make sure we get the best chapter out that we can! **

**Oh and one last thing......Who said anything about Bella getting on the plane? Did she? **

**I do not own Twilight never have and never will **

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**Edward**

The side of my face burned as the echoing sound from my mother's slap could still be heard in the room. Never in my years of childhood pranks and teenage angst had my mother ever threatened to so much as raise a finger to me.

Her face and neck showed the small reddened blotches of her shock and anger at my confessions of truth.

"You lied." She spoke coldly and without making eye contact. "You lied to me; to your father, and to your friends." My mother had began to pace the short space in front of my seated position, each step thudded the polished floor harder and harder as her obvious upset grew. Then just as suddenly as she had started her pacing she stopped, when I looked up towards her from holding my head low in shame from my deception I noticed her silent and swift tears. "You lied to _her._" And with quiet breath she looked back to me.

My heart stilled its hard and panicked thumping in my chest as I watched my broken mother slide heavily into the plastic chair across from my own.

"That poor beautiful hurt soul. You have broken her heart and for what?" My mother looked at her joined and twisting fingers as she tried to understand. "You want me to believe you did all this for a dying mans wishes?" Listening to her say the words aloud I reflected on my decision.

"I see now that maybe my actions were misguided and that the wish of a dying man isn't a good enough reason to marry someone, even if we never intended for it to be a real marriage or for it to last, but at the time I didn't think." Still unable to look up and into my mother's saddened eyes I tried in vain to explain myself. "Believing the woman I love with all my heart didn't hold me in hers. Bella was my friend...._is_ my friend and I love her more than I could ever put in to words, but mum she has only ever wanted to be my friend..." My mother began to shake her soft caramel curls in disagreement as she silently tried to argue with me. "...and that's why I made the decision to marry Tanya. I gave Bella so many chances and opportunities to show me that she too returned my love. I've lost count at the number of times that I looked longingly in to her brown eyes on our many pizza and beer nights. Every time I looked at her I willed for her to really see the love I held for her deep within. But she never did. If I had thought that even just a fraction of my feelings for her were returned do you honestly believe I could have done this? She never loved me like that. Never."

My heart ached with a vice like tightness as I struggled to make any clear path from my new found freedom and revelations.

"Maybe she was scared to, or you didn't give as many hints as you think you did, or they weren't as evident as you thought. Or more truthfully _you_ never saw her returning those looks confirming it for you. But I'm telling you now she has _always_ loved you. There has only ever been you in her heart, in her world. How can you have been so blind?" She questioned both with words and her hand movement. "You have seen the love shared by those around you, between Rose and Emmett and your father and I. Yet you fail to see the clear love given _to_ you." My mother was wiping her eyes with her faithful white cotton hankie; I watched carefully as my mother's gold stitched initials' smoothed her cheeks. "Edward did you never see every smile she ever gave you? Did you never notice her small and shy blushes when you so much as mentioned her name? Was every single wishful look she offered you a lie?"

My hands were still pulling through my hair at my head despite its throbbing as my inner frustration ate away at me. "You're wrong. If she has always been in love with me and had these feelings for me, then she would have only wanted me. Seen only _me_. Am I meant to believe she never accepted or noticed the others, like her spring fling date and general ass wipe Eric Yorkie?" My mother's sudden almost hysterical laughter shocked me, right away I felt like a foolish child.

"The very same date she pulled out on at the last minute? The same night I watched her sitting so broken and alone in your tree house? Because darling I remember you dashing off later that afternoon to collect your own date, Jane something and a rather promiscuous young lady if I remember well enough." Rolling her eyes my mother sighed heavily. "Who had spent every afternoon for months calling my house about the dance. In fact I remember taking her calls not just before it, but for many frustrating weeks after."

At her observation of my own date for the spring fling I felt the child within me retaliate. "Well I only agreed to go with Jane after Bella had so obviously wanted to go with Yorkie." As my outburst and jealous actions lay out before me I fought not to control myself tugging on my hair, but instead to hold back the stings of tears gathering in front of my vision.

"Sweetheart, you know she never went through with it. She never actually went to the dance at all, not with little Eric Yorkie or any boy for that matter. I saw you both that afternoon." My mother knelt down in front of me and pulled my hand away from pinching between my eyes. "I watched from the kitchen as you both gave away your hearts. I watched you dance and I watched you kiss" My mothers voice returned back to its nature soft and gentle tone as she squeezed my hands held in hers. "I even felt the magic of witnessing true love." As she straightened up from the floor and sat in the plastic chair beside me I felt my mother's head press against my shoulder. "I watched her that night, I watched how she climbed that ladder and try to find comfort in her heartache as she cried alone."

We both sat there then as we each took in our words.

"Maybe I once did hold her heart but I lost it, I have broken it and now someone else holds it. Jacob Black has it now. He repaired all the damage I left and now he holds it." I felt her hand squeeze mine. "You know I went there. I went to tell her everything about Tanya, about the secret and ask her to try and forgive me and let me prove to be the best man for her. But I was too late; he already fixed her, stole her heart and replaced me in her life." The tears of regret and the image of a half dressed Jacob Black answering her door as she giggled and bounced so lightly down the stairs stung.

"Who am I to deserve her after causing her nothing but pain and regret?" A sob broke away from me against my efforts of control. "But if I could have seen her heart, her love… if I was not as foolish as to disregard my own for so long I would have held on to it, protected it, and been so selfish as to always keep it for myself." Only when I felt the drops from my free falling tears hit the back of my hand did I register I was in fact crying.

"My son, you're a sensitive soul. You have always been so strong and at times it's hard for me to remember that, unlike your brother, you take more after your father's sensitive nature then I have first thought. You know I, like Emmett, have always found it so easy to give away my love and accept the love of others. He felt confidence in his feelings for Rose, the same way I did all those years ago for your father." Rubbing my hand and sitting straighter I frowned as listened to my mother's observation. "Your father struggled just like you are now. He never truly wanted to be so selfish as to take my heart, my life. Of course he would have given me his so completely and never asked for anything in return. In fact I do believe I owned your fathers heart the very first time he saw me here in this hospital." I could hear her smile in her voice as she remembered seeing my father for the first time many years before.

"Yet it took me many months to show him just how easy and selfless it was to let me love him in return. Do you really feel like he did all those years ago? That the one who you love should not be given the chance to love you in return? Would you believe Bella selfish to want to love you and accept your love in return?" My mother had given me so very much to think of. I knew now I was so wrong to not have given Bella the freedom to choose my love and let her love me in return.

"What does it matter now? She is leaving with Black and he is strong and brave enough to love her openly and truthfully, and she him. I cannot and will not break her again." I paused for thought as my eyes stared blankly ahead. "But if I could fix this and save myself from this foolish regret, believe me so completely when I promise you that I would never _ever_ let her go." We sat there in passing silence waiting for news from the clinical little white room meters away along the corridor.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Edward wake up son." My father's firm hand shook my shoulder as I opened my eyes immediately feeling stiff from napping in the little plastic seat. "You need to go back to the house. Your mother is there already trying to sort out the mess of caters and staff." My face winced as I noted his short and firm tone.

"But Tanya… Aro ..." I wanted to stay for her; to be here for my friend. "Aro is a sick man and is close to his time. Irina is here and I will stay here too. I promise to call you if the time comes before you can return. But right now you have other more pressing issues to contend with." Handing me my grey jacket I braved a glance to judge his disappointment in me. "I can't agree with your actions, but I understand them more then you would think." Accepting his departing smile I left to start this major clean up.

The day had cleared into sunny warmth and even I had to agree that it was perfect wedding day weather. For once the rainy little town shone; it had always been beautiful in rain, but today in the sunshine it was stunning.

The drive leading to my parent's home was packed with vans and people huffing as they put back piles of chairs and food trolleys. My body lost its sun felt ease soon as I spotted the white jeep and yellow Porsche.

The moment I pulled myself up out of the safe haven temporary offered by the Volvo I heard her outraged screams. "You!" The heavy slaps to my chest delivered swiftly and with more force than I could have imagined indicated that Alice had heard about my recent confession. Just as soon as her tiny hands had begun their slapping I felt their departure as Jasper pulled his wife away from her determined attack. Raising my eyes I waited for his attack to begin. Jaspers saddened quiet action of simply walking his wife away from me hurt more than any punch.

Closing the heavy door to my car I walked steadily to the back garden to see what was left to be done. Standing in front of the kitchen window I watched girls dressed in simple black dresses and white aprons clear tables of their wedding favours and decorations. My mother was offering her apologises to several men in suits as they offered her sympatric smiles. _Do they think the wedding has been cancelled to cold feet? A runaway bride or groom maybe?_

Emmett and Rose were standing under my tree, I could see Rose frowning as she spun one of the many clear crystals that had been hung from it between her fingers. Emmett was obviously trying to get her to agree to something as I watched his head shake in disagreement. Alice and Jasper walked over to them now and I was sure they would be informed of my arrival. As soon as Alice pointed behind her I watched Emmett turn a terrifying shade of red and Rose slam her hands firmly against his chest holding him back...for now.

No longer wanting to appear a weaker man then I already was I stepped out on to the grassy lawn and squared myself ready to beg for their time to explain and apologise.

Before I could make my way fifty meters from the back deck Emmett dashed forwards forcefully at me. I already thought Jaspers silence had hurt more than a few girlish slaps and was sure nothing could hurt more at this point, but I was proven so wrong by the force of Emmett's fist against my jaw.

Lying flat on the grassy ground I kept my eyes closed ready to accept another punch from my brother. It was no more then I deserved.

All around me I could hear people calling to him to stop or calm him down. They were all pleading for him to leave me be. "You ass. You complete and total fucking ass!" Emmett's voice was colder and harder then I had ever heard. It scared me more than feeling his fist.

Sitting up from the ground I tried to gather myself and tried to put together the words I wanted to offer an explanation. Looking up I saw the tear stained faces of my beautiful honorary sisters and the hardened faces of my brothers.

"Let him up." Rose instructed. "I'll get you some ice for that jaw." She left as I felt Jasper pull me up from the ground. Looking carefully at my brother as I rubbed my jaw I followed Jasper and Alice to one of the few tables left on the lawn.

Sitting at the table I noticed my mother exit with one of the older looking ladies who were both writing quickly on a clip board. _So much for calling on her to help explain this mess. _

"Here, it should help prevent any more swelling. Now I think you need to explain yourself carefully and quickly before I match the bear here and hand you back your ass on the other side of that jaw." Rose had returned and rather coolly thrown the ice pack in to my lap before seating herself in Emmett's lap.

_Well at least he'd have to throw her off to hit me again, so that gives me time to out run his next punch. _

* * *

Telling them had been just as hard as trying to explain even the smallest part of my reasons to my mother. Every time I tried to lift my eyes and look at them I felt more ashamed and even more ill with my regret. This was never how I wanted this to end, this pain this anger was not meant to happen.

"This is so fucked up." Emmett was first to break the hard silence that had been left hanging between us all. He was shaking his head and rubbing his huge hand across his face over and over. "Show him. He needs to read it and know just what he has done." Emmett looked at Jasper as Rose and Alice nodded their agreement.

"Here. This is from Bella." Jaspers voice was filled with pain and I almost felt afraid to take the white card from his hand as he offered it to me from his suit pocket. "I can feel your shame from here and right now we all need you to put that behind you and fix this."

My mother returned then and as I flipped the stiff card over and over in my hand I watched her offer everyone a glass of pale liquid and I smile slightly as she handed Alice a glass of chocolate milkshake. Putting the tray on the ground beside her my mother took the spare seat between Alice and Rose.

With heavy breath I drank the cold champagne from my glass and opened the thick paper.

_**Edward.**_

_**Loving you has been the easiest part of my life.**_

_**But watching you leave me would be the hardest.**_

_**Forgive me.**_

_**Xx**_

_Forgive her? Forgive her for what?_

Sensing my confusion Jasper answered my unvoiced questions. "Bella has left. As of today she is travelling with Jacob Black around Italy while he carries out the research for his new book. All her personal affairs have been covered, and until about three hours ago we all had no idea." Jasper spoke with such ease and calm. I didn't understand how he could be so calm when they had just found out that Bella was leaving a mere few hours ago. Didn't he even care that she never said goodbye?

"She's trying to protect herself right now. I don't think she wanted to hurt us. I know our Bella and this must have been the hardest and most selfish thing she has ever had to do." Alice was twisting her long stemmed flute in front of her as she tried to work out Bella's actions. I could hardly concentrate on the thoughts offered by my friends as I read her words over and over.

_She left? She left me? She really has replaced me and is going to be with him. _

"Well if she finds comfort from Jacob Black and this chance to break away then who are we to hold her reasons against her. I'm not mad at our girl in fact I am pretty damn proud of her. She finally put her own needs ahead of other peoples." Rose tipped her glass back as she drained it.

"She's finds nothing but understanding and strength from Black. He's just the friend she needed away from all this craziness." He gestured to the busy workers around us. "He gives her a view outside of ours. We're too close to it all." Emmett surprised us all then. It was as if he knew a lot more about Bella's reasons.

_If she is not with him, and rather only finding herself in him, I have been completely and utterly wrong. Fuck._

"But I love her. I need her." Standing up from my seat I knew I had to try and fix this. "She can't just go before I have a chance to even tell her. I have to stop her" Looking back I watched them all looking at me as though I finally got it_,_ my feet pounding the warm earth beneath as I rushed to my car. Bella would not leave and not know the truth. I would not let the fear hold me back a minute more.

"Edward! Edward!" Turning my head back over my shoulder I still continued to charge forwards to my waiting car. Alice and Rose were both rushing to catch up and as much as I knew they wanted to be there with me as I tried to stop her leaving I had no time to wait for them.

As I closed my car door and started the growling engine I spotted Alice waving like a mad woman to make me stop. Scattering the drive way gravel I stilled the car and pulled the window down to hear her.

"You're never going to make it her flight. Call the airline and stop her." Alice was out of breath and despite her reasoning I had to try. Accepting that her words weren't having any impact she realised that I was still going. "I'll text you the details." She added with a small smile.

Without a second glance to the red faced women in the drive I sped along the winding road away from the little town and prayed for a clear road ahead.

* * *

As if someone were wishing for me to make it speedily to her side the roads ahead to the airport were clear and I managed to negotiate traffic with ease, pushing my well serviced engine with ease. _Rose will be getting a very expensive and large bunch of flowers, _I thought to myself as I pushed ahead praying to get there in time.

Just as the airport turn was approaching I heard the siren and noticed the flashing lights of the police cruiser now riding closely behind me. Hitting my fists against the black steering wheel I could not stop the swearing escaping my mouth in sheer annoyance and disbelief.

Stopping the car on the side lane and turning off the engine I could not stop myself from looking at the little digital clock counting off my now wasted seconds. Pulling down the window I tried to offer my most charming and polite character to the approaching officer.

"License and registration please Sir." Pulling my wallet from my back jean pocket and my papers from the glove box I noted the officer's appearance. Very out of the normal clean cut "Chief Swan" look. This jumped up Boy Scout had dirty blonde hair pulled back into a scruffy ponytail under his hat and I could see my annoyed face reflected in his dark glasses. As I handed him the documents he spoke again, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Trying to compose myself as best I could I simply replied "No" through my clenched jaw as I stared to the road ahead wishing I was travelling along it and not sitting stationary like I was now.

Looking over my paperwork his lips turned into an evil smirk. "So _doc,_ where's the emergency? You're a clever guy so I'm sure it must be something serious that has you breaking the laws of the road. Because it can't just be for the thrill of the ride, surely?" Was he really kidding me with the small talk and _that_ smirk? Gripping the wheel tightly I swallowed and forced my voice to again remain cool and collected; all he wanted was a power kick.

"You're quite right of course. I have to be at the airport as a matter of urgency. Sorry officer...?" Looking up from his little clipboard pad the power hungry leech grinned back at me. "Hunter. Officer James Hunter." His lean face smirked again, "If you will just stay in the vehicle _Dr _Cullen I'll be right back." I watched as he walked around my car checking it over in detail and then back off to his cruiser finally running my plates through with dispatch on the police radio. Then I watched as he reached inside his car and his pen scribbled on the paper that he'd retrieved.

Looking back to my dashboard I noticed yet more minutes had passed. _Just finish writing me the damn ticket already! _He finished writing and began his slow painful walk back to me. Making out as if he'd done me a favour by not taking some factor in to account that I wasn't really listening to he handed me the ticket. With tight throated "Thank you officer"_,_ I pulled away from the road side continuing, within the speed limit, on my journey half heartedly knowing that I had more than likely lost her already.

As I pulled in to the small airport I gave fate one more chance and with a half defeated heart left my car sitting at the airport doors hearing shouts of "You can't leave that here Sir!" as the automatic doors closed behind me.

Rushing through the terminal to the departure boards deep down I already knew I was too late to catch her if her flight had departed on time, but maybe just maybe it had been delayed. Flights never left on time these days anyway, right? I pulled my phone from my pocket and opened Alice's text for Bella's flight information.

Reaching the large black and digital yellow writing board above my head I looked up. Searching for her flight didn't take too long and right there on the second row down it was listed. This airport listed more details than most and so following the flight number across to the destination, then scheduled departure time, and then finally across to the gate and flight status my fear was confirmed; her flight had long since left and from the text Alice had sent her connecting one would just be leaving its runway now too.

Looking around for stability as my last rampant breath escaped my lungs and my legs began to crumble out from underneath me, I found an empty chair just inside the small airport Café. Sitting in the small seat I asked myself over and over again. _What have I done? What the hell have I done?_

_  
_

**So our boy never ran fast enough. Looks like he never stopped her….. Or did he now? **

**You have to wonder if his view from that café offers a clear look out on to that black runway strip…………**

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, if you leave me another I promise to get busy and write faster ;o)**

**One last note, (sorry btw it's not like me to leave long A/notes for you all) but something very wonderful happened to me over the last week and I feel the need to share it with you all. **

**A wonderful and kind reviewer Champagne Anyone (Ally), reviewed my story for Twi-Fic Promotions, a fanfic site. The review was put on the web site and SKB30 (my best friend and beta) made this totally unbelievable banner for Was Every, the group host many wicked stories and offer readers in depth reviews to the stories they promote. You can log on to their site from the link below however you need to remove the spaces, I think you guys may enjoy checking them out for yourselves. **

http: // twi-ficpromotions . blogspot. com/2010/04/was-every-special-guest-review-by. Html


	19. Chapter 19

"I love _him_. Not because he's beautiful or because he's _rich_! I'd much rather he weren't either one. It would even out the gap between us just a little bit — because he'd still be the most loving and unselfish and brilliant and _decent_ person I've ever met. Of course I love him. How hard is that to understand?"  
Bella Swan, _Eclipse_, Chapter 4, p.110

**Thank you all so very much for the most awesome reviews, each one makes me giggle or smile and I love being able to share this little tale with you all. Thank you and huge love to my beta SKB30, every bit of polish or buffing in all the right places make this story flow so "XO XO" ;o) **

**I do not own Twilight**

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**Bella:**

The seat belt icon pinged off indicating that the plane had reached a safe height and that the pilot now felt it was safe for people to move about the cabins if they wanted to. Most of the passengers took advantage of this, except for the heavily sleeping body beside me; he had fallen asleep before they had even finished the safety demo and was now sitting head tipped back, mouth wide open, snoring loudly. Any minute now I was sure he would start to dribble. Pulling back the flat metal clasp resting against my hips I leant forward and retrieved the magazine I had already placed in the back pocket of the seat in front of me. The seat belt was making me feel a little restrained and it was nice to be free of it for a while at least.

Looking once again out of the small window to my right I smiled as I watched the white hazy clouds pass silently under us as the plane began to ascend above the city and the trees and vast landscape beneath us. The dazzling clear blue sky helped ease my tensions from takeoff; it was peaceful and serene and was a place where nobody could call you or text you. That in itself was just what I needed, peace.

"Mummy will they have the same ice cream?" twisting slightly towards my left I leant back into the grey leather back rest of my seat to observe the little blonde haired boy seated across the aisle with his tired looking mother. Once I'd realised I wasn't going to be getting the quiet time I longed for his little chatter had become a sort of innocent enchantment to me during the hours of our flight.

"Mummy will they have the brown cones with the chocolate too? Because I really like those ones and I bet Nona will too. Remember the ones Mummy? The lumpy chocolate ones." Unable to stop myself I smiled and a silent giggle shook my shoulders as I watched him try to draw out and describe the ice cream to his mother, who whilst nodding continued trying to wipe his hands and face with a white cloth. Looking about her for a moment the lady noticed my watching and offered me a friendly smile which I returned.

"He's so excited to be seeing my parents after our time away. You'd think ice cream would be the last thing on his mind." She explained in an Italian accent and giggled herself as her son huffed and finally managed to pull his freshly wiped cheeks out of her hands.

"Well I can understand that. I know when I land ice cream shopping is pretty high up on my priority list too. Finding a mint choc chip that is just as good as what I have been used to is going to be a challenge, but I'm not going to give up until I find one."

With the mention of mint choc chip the small boy - who I had learnt was called Seth - leant forward in his seat to join our obviously deep and meaningful conversation. "I like the chocolate cones. I am going to get my Nona one." His sweet smile eased all my nervous flutters as I just sat back and enjoyed hearing all things ice cream, Pokémon and how good my flying candies were as together we ate the last of them.

The seatbelt ping sounded once again all too soon over our heads along with a message from the captain advising us that we should now be sitting buckled in our seats with our trays stowed and our seat backs upright as we had started our decent. I quickly put my items in my bag and pushed it under the seat in front, and then I sat back and re-fixed my belt. Unable to stop myself I watched as we made our way through the fluffy blanket of clouds as the ground below us finally came in to view. The landscape was far denser, the fields were more vibrant than the ones I had left, and the sky seemed lighter and almost brighter.

As soon as the wheels touched down on the runway and the final ping released us from our seats I waited quietly to let others collect their bags from the bins above us. The pilot informed us that the plane that was currently at our gate hadn't left yet and that we would be disembarking on the airport apron and that a shuttle bus would collect and deliver us to the terminal building. This woke sleeping beauty up beside me, who tried to wipe away the sleep from his tired eyes without drawing my attention. A few minutes later with the metal stairs in place and the heavy plane doors open I made my way towards the exit.

Standing at this high spot on the stairs I took a deep breath and let the fresh air fill me. This had to be the right decision; the air felt warmer, trees looked fuller and the general feeling I had was purely lighter. It was a far different feeling to the unsure slightly nervous one when I had stood on the stairs to board.

"Are you ok?" The warm hand of sleeping beauty on my shoulder pulled me out of my thoughts and I realised I was also being beckoned on from the bottom of the stairs. Beside the rails at the foot of the stairs I noticed an olive skinned gentleman looking up at me with concern. "Are you afraid?" He shouted up, obviously meaning to question if I was afraid to descend down the stairs on to the tarmac below, but to me he his question asked so much more. Hitching my flight bag higher on to my shoulder and bouncing down the steps spritely and on to the ground below I turned back to the concerned looking gentlemen smiling as I spoke, "Not anymore."

Waiting in the modern glass fronted airport I placed a calming hand over my fluttering excited nerves bouncing about in my tummy. Across the luggage carousel I spotted Seth trying to hold the trolley steady as his mother pulled off a large suitcase and put it down on the metal frame. Just as they passed behind me I spotted my own bag and made a beeline for it ready to pull it from its merry-go-round. As if like magic my burly travel companion appeared beside me pulling my faithful wheeled bag from the carousel for me. I smile in thanks and with a sharp snap of the handle I was soon following behind pulling my heavy case along behind me.

As the doors into the arrivals opened back I observed all the people excitedly waiting behind them. There were fathers slapping the backs of their returning sons from college; mothers crying whilst hugging their returning daughters; couples parting and saying their heartfelt goodbyes; and ladies holding bouquets of flowers and balloons to welcome home family and friends. No matter where I looked my eyes were presented with love, happiness and relief as loved ones came home or like me took the steps towards the unknown and start of a new adventure.

"Nona! Pop's!" Catching my dazed attention I smiled as I watched an elderly couple begin to wave, the lady dropping to her knees to the smooth floor under her as her arms wrapped around my flight and ice cream buddy. "Il mio Angelo!" My smile grew if possible even wider as I watched Seth's tiny arms reach around her neck and he began to giggle as she kissed his shiny cheeks repeatedly. The grey haired gentleman beside her stepped ahead of them and wrapped Seth's mother in a loving hug and took over pushing the trolley as together they laughed and joined the joyfully reunited duo.

Looking toward the end of the arrivals lane I spotted the various drivers waiting with their boards and then spied the suited chauffer holding one for BLACK and giggled, knowing Jake had a generous travel budget I really should have expected this. Stepping toward the driver I returned his smile as we exchanged our greetings. He took my suitcase from me and wheeled it the short distance out to the car. Placing the bags in the sleek black sedan he shut the trunk as I took my spot in the back seat snuggling down in to the car's soft and large leather seat. It was nice to relax in a seat and it helped my aching back from the stiffness caused by the long day. The driver pulled away from the his parking spot and I became lost in thought as we made our way out of the airport grounds.

The roads were busier than I thought they would have been and it took longer then I wanted to finally exit the chaos and confusing airport traffic. Looking out of the darkened car window on my side I watched even more fields pass us, the roads bending and leading deeper into the heavily lush scenery away from the heavy traffic and city.

Resting my head back against the cool leather as the sun faded from the world outside I found myself more relaxed, more content and when I finally laid eyes upon the little sign beside the road I breathed more easily then I had in a long time. Pulling down my window I took the opportunity to take some more deep calming breaths.

Still in my seat I reached back in to my hair pulling out my pony tail, trying to tame away some of the knots hoping to present a calmer appearance to the nervous and excited one inside.

Pulling up outside my accommodation for this evening I reached for the handle to open the door, but before I could wrench it open it was pulled back and opened for me. Stepping up out of the car I felt a sudden tingle of excitement pulse through me as I felt the wetness of my tears blur my vision once again.

"Benvenuti a casa" A giggle escaped my shaking lips as I prepared for what was hopefully going to be my new beginning.

"**The way he stared at her! It was like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. **

**Like a collector finding an undiscovered Da Vinci, like a mother looking into the face of her newborn child." ****Bella Swan****, ****Eclipse****, Chapter 11, p.242**

**Edward: **

This afternoon I remembered sitting there in that small café. A small coffee cup sitting on my desk at work was all it took to take me right back there to the airport that afternoon a few months ago.

I remembered how I mentally kicked myself over and over for every foolish choice I had made over the last four years. My decision to finish school away from home, and my decision to help Tanya both seemed like a good idea at the time. With school I felt the need to prove myself away from my father's name and with Tanya and Irina and their regretful but love inspired deceit it had seemed like the most simple and understandable thing to do.

I remembered how my phone rattled as it buzzed in its spot in front of my untouched cup of coffee on the table. Alice had been calling me every ten minutes to find out if I had managed to make it there in time to catch Bella or not. I swallowed hard as I remembered the feeling I had whilst sitting there watching the phone vibrate impacently on the table. I hadn't made it in time to stop her, but I wasn't ready to acknowledge that fact out loud to anyone, let alone Alice who would have a million questions for me. Refusing to make it real I diverted all calls to voicemail.

I remembered how my car license plate and make had been repeated over and over the tannoy in attention calls from the information desk, finally resulting in the last call informing me that my car had been removed by security from the front of the building and that _"the owner of the silver Volvo, license plate 57E 6D3, should contact the airport security desk immediately."_

I remembered the people around me greeting loved ones as they returned home and waving them off as the said goodbye. Not months before I had welcomed Tanya from the same very place; that was back when my life had seemed much simpler, just me welcoming my good friend and confidant, offering each other support and understanding of secret loves.

I remembered how I sighed as my hands fell to my lap as I gave in to the realisation of defeat and I slumped back in my chair continuing to stare at the coffee within the cup slowly growing colder and colder by the second.

Thinking over my actions up to now I was no longer able to see the simple logic. Now I only saw the pain, hurt and regret my actions had brought to my family, friends and my only love.

Shaking my head to bring me back to the present and away from staring at the empty coffee cup reliving that god awful afternoon I picked up the clipboard from the desk and went about the rest of my duties on my shift.

"Now that's a smile I haven't seen in the longest time, and I'm betting your just "pee your pants" happy 'cos I'm making my famous 5 pepper chilli right?" Emmett's booming voice made me laugh as I shook my head and filed away the last of my charts from my over worked and under staffed shift. "Of course it is. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact I attended Alice and Jasper's prenatal scan this afternoon. This smile is all due to your cooking skills."

My car had been experiencing some running troubles after its time in the airport pound, and Rosalie had been only too happy to service the Volvo after receiving the large delivery of promised flowers for her past work. However the only down side to having the Volvo serviced meant having to ride to and from the hospital in the bears pop tune playing Jeep. My lift this morning had left the Village Peoples _'Macho man'_ playing over in my head driving me slowly insane until just after my second coffee break where the radio in the break room offered me a new mental tune of _'My stupid mouth_' by John Mayer. No doubt the tasteful tune would soon be replaced with some other cheesy repetitive pop song on our way home in a few minutes.

Sitting around the large wooden table we all shared our news of the past few weeks. Rosalie beamed happily as she told us all about the upcoming wedding plans as Emmett tried to convince us he was more excited by the bachelor party, but the loving looks and stolen kisses he placed on her temple told us a very different story.

Jasper showed off the many new scan pictures I had printed off for him only a few hours before while trying once again to convince Alice that they should wait to find out the sex, stating that after all this time a surprise was the perfect way to end. Alice as always shared news of the fashion line, her designs were gathering more and more notability and her sketch book had never been more filled with designs and ideas. She even mentioned how many new clients she'd had request one off pieces after seeing Tanya's gown at the charity benefit two weeks ago.

Naturally during dinner there were the normal tense moments - that over the past few months had grown in frequency - when someone would mention the latest e-mail or text they had received from Italy. I would offer my interest and hide my grimace at hearing how exciting her travels were, she seemed to write more often to them all and more so to Alice asking after the baby.

There were of course the strained and sparse messages we had sent to each other, saying a brief "hi" and "hope you're doing well" kind of thing. I had perhaps read these more times than were healthy, desperately searching for hidden words of forgiveness and feeling.

After realising I had lost her, and many frustrated hours looking at my blank computer screen, I wrote to her and begged as best I could over an electronic screen for her forgiveness and understanding. I wished her happiness and adventure for her time away. The hardest part was sending my mail and ending it without asking her to return to me.

Sometime later when she did reply it was polite, brief and more understanding than I deserved. Over time she told me about her days exploring the little cobbled streets, her afternoons sitting in a tiny café overlooking the little town square sipping ice cold Pepsi, and her nights drinking rich red wine she had bought from the visited vine yards while reading in the late Italian sun from the hotel balcony.

I never once confessed my feelings, choosing instead to save them. Deciding that should she ever waver in her choice and should I ever be granted the opportunity to divulge my feelings truthfully and wholeheartedly to her, be it in a somewhat selfish and desperate hope that she would return an ounce of her own feelings for me, then I would do so gladly even if it would mean more unyielding pain for myself. At least I would have given her the whole truth and it would be for her to reciprocate or refuse my love.

"Rose I printed off that picture Bella sent me from Jakes proposal." We had finished dinner and Alice was chatting away as she searched through her handbag looking for the mentioned photo and with the mention of a proposal I immediately felt my chest constrict. Had it happened, had I finally lost her and been replaced forever?

"Oh look how beautiful Bella's hair is." Rose tapped against the glossy photo. "Well I can see why she said yes. Just look at the size of that rock! I know us girls say size doesn't matter but when it's that big and sparkly it really seals the deal." Rose laughed as she held the photo itself over her hand as if it were a ring. "I mean just look at it!"

She was happy. _She_ was going to marry _him_ and _he_ was going to make _her_ happy. A hard knot formed in the pit of my stomach.

Standing up swiftly and perhaps a little more forcefully than I intended to I pulled my jacket off the back of my seat and begged my stinging eyes to hold off letting the tears fall until I was safely away from my friends now watching eyes. "Sorry guys I need to… Yeah I...ugh..." No longer holding my inner thoughts together I rushed from the happy house with no explanation for my sudden mood change and exit. I was grateful to find my car ready and waiting in the drive way.

Before I could really think where I was driving I found myself pulling in to the driveway of my childhood home. The porch light was on and the front door was still unlocked despite the hour. Opening the door I stepped in entering the safe haven that was offered inside. My mother was still dressed in her pink scrubs sitting at the marble topped breakfast bar looking over the newspaper in the dim lit kitchen.

"Edward? What's wrong?" looking up mid bite her spoon hovered over her bowl and her face looked panicked. "Nothing, just calling in on my way home is all." I rushed my words trying to relieve her concern at my unexpected arrival.

Sitting opposite her I noticed her observe me quietly as she went back to eating her rushed evening meal; cereal was often the dinner of choice while working the late shift of any rota based job. Her eyes looked tired and her normally perfectly waved hair looked dishevelled no doubts the result of her busy shift on the maternity unit.

"You look like your missing something?" My mothers' voice was quiet and should I not of been seated across from her I would have dismissed it as mumbling. After the gut wrenching and heart ripping information I had learned from my friends no less than an hour ago it honestly did feel like I was missing something...or more like _someone_.

The tears stung behind my eyes as I swallowed in vain hope to force the regretful and jealous feelings down, "I'm missing my heart." My cracked voice relived the level of pain I once again began to feel engulf my chest tightly.

Putting her bowl in the sink along with her coffee cup my mother shook her head and smiled as she blew out a small sigh while looking out of the kitchen window above in to the night outside, "You know, I think its right where you left it." And without a second glance or word in my direction my mother wiped her hands on her baggy pants and walked towards the hallway and the stairs.

Sitting alone I looked out of the patio doors beside me and spotted the old wooden tree house. All these years had passed and yet it always stood strong in the thick branches, never changing, never wavering. It was a constant; the light house in a stormy sea; the sun in the sky; the moon in the night; the air in the wind. Silently I stood up from the breakfast bar and pulling back the heavy glass door I slowly walked out through the faintly lit garden across the grassy lawn towards the refuge of my own personal light house.

I stood at the foot of the tree for a few seconds not thinking about the present but about the past; about the numerous happy mornings, afternoons and evenings that I had spent here. Taking a deep breath I took a rung at head height between my hands and began to climb.

If my hands had not held the top rung of the ladder in a vice grip I would have surely fallen several feet to the dewy covered grass below me. It was almost like a cruel dream as I saw her sitting there, the purple star patterned sleeping bag wrapped around her slender frame, the opened chocolate cookie packet beside her, and her blushing cheeks tinted that sweet pink. _Is this a dream or is this real? Is my mind playing tricks on me? _ I questioned as I blinked forcefully to sharpen the image before me.

If I did not believe my eyes and dismissed them as betraying a false image of fantasy to my broken heart, I found the much needed confirmation from my ears when her soft and smiling voice reached me, "Time to swear you back in Ice fang?"

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**Sorry for the delay getting this to you all but both my lovely beta SKB30 and myself have been away on our holidays. **

**Hope you guys liked it and as ever I live to read your thoughts on this latest addition to the story. **


	20. Chapter 20

**But most significant in this tidal wave of happiness was the surest fact of all: I was with Edward. Forever.  
****Bella Cullen****, **_**Breaking Dawn**_**, Chapter 39, p.752**

**I still do not own Twilight.**

**Bella**

"Oh Esme you have no idea how good that coffee is." Pulling another deep sip from my full cup I felt my whole body fold back into the high backed stool and the tension leave my aching shoulders. "After the last several cups that the airline claimed to be Italy's finest roasted blend this is bliss." Esme pulled out her own stool opposite mine across the dark marble breakfast bar and took her own tentative sip. "It's definitely welcome before my shift, however I am sure its not even a scratch on the standards you have grown used to on your travels." Esme was beaming unable to hide her pleasure at having me in front of her.

When I finally decided to come home I called Charlie first to secure a few nights in my old room, but I was both a little surprised and very pleased to learn that my father was no longer living the bachelor life style, he was no longer a _"famous lady's man"_. Sue Clearwater, a beautiful and caring lady I had come to know from my many nights on the reservation, had become quite a fixture in the Swan residents in my absence. So armed with that new information I decided to save my fathers blushes and didn't even bother to ask him. Instead I knew the next best place; the Cullen's. Esme almost screamed with delight when I called last week to ask her if it was possible. She even promised her famous cookies as the unneeded incentive for my return.

"I have to tell you my darling considering it has only been six weeks – although they have felt much longer - you look positively radiant. Glowing and alive." I felt the warmth of my blush rise in my smiling cheeks as I looked over my cup to Esme's glances. "Perhaps I should get Carlisle to whisk me away to enjoy some Italian sun." Wiggling her eyebrows over her own cup made me giggle. "Is it really as stunning as all those teasing travel guides and television shows make it out to be?"

"Oh Esme it really is, but it's also so very much more." I put down my cup as I settled into a more comfortable position to tell her about all the beautiful old rustic buildings I had visited, all the welcoming and warm people, and of course all the emotions a simple stroll along old cobbled streets can invoke inside you, revealing more feelings deep inside you then you ever thought the human body could hold. Those many experiences are what made me finally learn that I could _live_ and be in a world without him, but I also learnt the lesson that without him I was not _alive_.

"You make it all sound so perfect, I can't quite believe it was that idealistic, otherwise how could you ever simply just leave?" Esme had sat smiling, laughing and sighing as I described every view I experienced. Taking a deep breath and another much needed caffeine fix I prepared to be honest, not just with the loving and beautiful woman in front of me, but from now on the world.

"It was hard to leave, not just the place but the people. Jake has been my strength and my centre for sometime now and watching him move on, fall in love, and give life a second chance I knew I had to take the chance and let myself be alive again too." Pulling out the small paper wallet of photographs from my messenger bag hanging off the stool beside me I removed the photographs taken only 2 weeks before I arranged my return tickets home.

"This was taken just out side of Rome, in this little hamlet Jake found while looking into the "_Cold ones_" his tribes so called enemy clan." I slid the photograph across to Esme so she could see for herself. "We met Nessie on the plane during our flight to Italy." As I mentioned her I tapped the photograph indentifying her... "She was our stewardess; Jake could not look away from her the whole flight. Vanessa or "Nessie" is from Scotland and to look at you would believe her to be completely opposite to Jake in everyway." At this I laughed as did Esme.

Nessie had perfect Celtic looks of fair skin so pale and unblemished and fire like auburn hair, which she always, wore down when she was not at work. Next to Jake in the picture she looked even more his opposite; light to dark, night to day, ice to fire.

"But she's not. She's his perfect fit. Nessie is so warm and when you meet her you instantly feel you have known her your whole life, she can put you to ease with just the simplest of touches. It's so wonderful to watch how they move around each other. It's almost like watching a perfectly choreographed ballet and it makes you feel intrusive. Like your watching the greatest loves unfold silently before you." When I looked back to Esme after trying to explain just how intense I found their connection she was smiling and softly nodding her head.

"Jake and Nessie spent the first 2 weeks of our time in Italy together, her flight rota and vacation time meant she got to stay with us. Jake has been totally smitten and I swear he lost his heart the moment she showed him how the life vest secured, _"tying it in a double bow on the left hip"_ At my imitation of the on board flight safety instruction both of us giggled.

"I know it seems a little crazy and so soon, but when you see them together they just fit; like they complete each other. When she went back to her flight schedule and they both knew they had sixteen days without even seeing each other I swear he looked so pained. He really was a burning man away from her, it's almost like all the strings tying him to his old life broke away and his need to be with her was a tie made from the strongest steal." I looked back to the picture, we were all standing in front of the little town fountain. It was placed right in the middle of this historical square and there had been this huge festival of the towns Saint leaving red petals and flags on every surface.

"It was taken just last Thursday evening after Jake could not bear to hold it in any longer." I pointed back to the photo. "He had these grand plans of how he wanted to propose, he kept me up for hours into the night asking how to do it." I laughed as I remembered sitting on the small wooden bed of my rustic styled hotel room as Jake paced over and over the terracotta tiles, repeating the same words of "forever" asking which sounded better.

"We were all meant to be having dinner in this cute bistro to welcome her back then after dessert Jake was going to take her for this romantic walk to the fountain while I lit hundreds of candles and set the scene for him on his room's balcony when I get this hyper sounding Jake calling my mobile telling me to come down to the square because he'd done it and she'd said yes!" Laughing together we both took a moment to drink the last of our coffee.

"Well she certainly is beautiful. Jake really looks like a man in love." Esme pushed back the photograph to me as I returned it to the picture folder. "But how come you left?"

"Isn't it evident in the photo?" I asked searching her face. "After watching Jake fall in love and needing to spend the time with Ness, I found myself alone, walking days in these romantic little streets, surrounded by honeymooners and people falling in love with each other over and over again. Yet there I was alone. Not because I wanted to be alone, but because I was afraid to be with there with the one person I have always wanted to be with. If you look closely at my face you can see that I'm happy for Jake, but _I'm_ not happy_._ Not unhappy because of the engagement, but because I finally realised a part of me _was_ missing." Looking back to her silent but loving appraisal I knew she understood me. "I know now, it's always been him. I don't need to be afraid now because he's been afraid too. I love him Esme and I don't have to be scared to tell him that anymore and maybe then _I_ can be complete."

Her warm hand wrapped over mine and her beaming smile lit her face as the single silent tear escaped her eye. "They don't know you're here. I have your room made up and I left you some freshly laundered towels in the en-suite dear." And that was it, no over fussed words of encouragement or pushing. Emse just let me be, welcoming home with her simple and heart felt actions of motherly effect.

"Will you be ok alone for the afternoon? Only I have a shift that is due to start in an hour. Carlisle is away as I told you at his annual golf come medical conference with the hospital council and should be home much later tonight. I made you some light dinner and you need only warm it in the oven, nothing heavy, a light chicken dish." Standing up from her seat Esme placed her cup in the sink before hugging me and going upstairs to change for her shift. When she came back dressed in her familiar pink scrubs and perfectly pinned hair I waved her off in the famous love bug and made my way upstairs to my room to unpack.

Mike Newton may still have been living in my house but right then at that moment, standing at the foot of the plush white bed I felt content. I was home.

After my swift unpacking I called Charlie to let him know I had arrived safely. He asked briefly about my flights and I enjoyed the chance to share my stories of Seth and the heavily snoring, heavily sleeping travel companion I had the misfortune to sit next to. Charlie was working the later shifts to help cover the recent dismissal of a highway cop, who after he was discovered taking bribes for looking the other way with speeding tickets had been instantly dropped from the force. We planned a dinner with Sue for the following night at Charlie's favourite restaurant the Lodge, his favourite because they knew him and treated my father to the largest steak in the kitchen, but I had to agree with his restaurant choice they're Spanish salad was my personal favourite.

Sitting on the all too inviting plush white bed of the guest room, or for now my room, I opened my small notebook to check my e-mails and send a quick note to Jake and Nessie. I smiled when ever I thought of them both, no doubt Nessie would be sitting on their balcony wrapped in the hotels soft fluffy robe and Jake should hopefully be pouring them each a cold glass of the sweet local Merlot I had left them.

My inbox showed just 2 new messages; one I had expected from Alice and one from Edward. Alice's daily emails were no longer painful to read; now her pleas for me to come home were changed to shopping lists of Italian bargain's she just _needed_ me to bring home and the last one I opened in Italy included her desperate need for the new designed Louis Vuitton pony skin handbag, that was now sitting safely in my main suitcase. Her light hearted mentions of baby shopping and games nights made me smile and this newest note mentioned the gangs plan to attend dinner tonight at Emmett and Roses.

Of course she was unable to let the moment pass without a mention of Edward. She was sure to mention that she'd already put the photograph I had sent her from Jake and Nessie's engagement dinner in her bag and that she would be sure to let him see how much the sun and my new hairstyle agreed with me.

At the note of my new hair I ran my fingers through my hair, it was still my natural dark waves but after being "discovered" by Marcus, a very talented but very "festive" hairstylist in a little side street in Malan, the once untamed bushy like nest was now more layered resulting in fuller and defined curls, _"very favoloso darling!"_ as Marcus insisted as he spun my chair around in the salon, earning him plenty of attention on his latest creation and me the burn of numerous blushes.

I turned my attention to the other message from Edward, his appearance in my inbox was now a welcome smile, and not the heart ache it once caused. He spoke excitedly of his full day ahead; Jasper and Alice were coming to the hospital for their scan and of course knowing our Alice as well as the rest of us he was already preparing himself for the excitement and discussion about whether or not to find out the sex of the baby.

Re-reading his message over and over again just like I did the others he sent me I felt my nerves peak again. Over the past few weeks we had carefully exchanged brief messages, nothing heavy just light exchanges of our recent news.

Alice had of course texted and rung my mobile repeatedly once events had unfolded back home and I still have trouble believing that she never crashed my network, her numerous voicemails took several listens to work out just what had happened after I turned my phone on once out side of airport security. Edwards's e-mail of explanation reached me many days after I had already heard everything concerning the _wedding_ and the reasons everyone felt had contributed to Edwards's actions.

Emmett had mentioned in a rare e-mail that Edward could be found agonising over his blank screen desperately trying to find the best way to explain everything to me. But of course I already knew he had to be torturing himself.

Would he still be the man I left, my best friend who I felt I had lost? Or would I face my Edward, the cute little penny bronze haired boy who welcomed me that first day over red apple slices, the lanky teenager who stole my first kiss and my heart.

Opening a blank email I typed out a quick message to Jake, mentioning how good it felt to be home once again. I mentioned how nothing here had changed; even though to Jake and I our short time away had felt like a lifetime after the many wonderful and rich new experiences that had entered our lives, our home remained the same. I promised to take the many pictures to the reservation and show the guys and Billy all our amazing sights, of course being sure to show off his most beautiful "souvenir" Vanessa. Jake and Ness would be coming home once his research had been completed but Jake being Jake couldn't wait that long to show his father his one true love. I knew after our many girlie chats shared over a bottle of that day's new found vino that Ness would love to marry Jake in the early spring, even more keen to do so after I told her how beautiful the coastal cliffs of the reservation looked in the late afternoon sun.

It was sometime in the early evening when I heard Esme calling from the hallway, her return home had woken me and I then realised I had fallen asleep still dressed and lying on top the covers.

Washing my face and quickly changing in to a more comfortable pair of yoga pants and my old college hoodie I joined Esme on the large group couch in the lounge, she looked comfortable and I giggled as I watched her pop her socked feet on top of the glass coffee table. "Shh, don't tell the boys. I run this house with a "do as I say not as I do method." Her own giggles made mine louder, she would never let any of the Cullen men behave so sloppy and it made my catching her even more amusing.

We sat together and chatted about her busy shift, 2 beautiful new angels born in to the small town and I smiled as Esme spoke so lovingly about each birth, Alice was right to ask Esme be the one to help her delivery. Every child should be as blessed to have Esme be the first hands welcoming them into our world.

"Esme, would you think me rude if I went out to the garden to read a little?" I had been dying to finish this new novel I had picked up in the airport of all places and the late summer night was still warm, with the fading sun there was still good reading light. "Of not course sweetheart, let me get you a blanket it gets a little breezy out there."

When I took my seat on the back wooden porch I tucked my feet under myself and opened my page. Esme soon came out carrying not only the cover but also the biggest packet of cookies, "Well I promised to have them here for your return." Thanking her I started to nibble one as I looked out across her beautifully kept garden. The years of care ever present in the many varieties of flowers and greenery. The only shabby looking element to this chic English Country garden was the wooden tree house.

Looking at the large weather beaten structure sitting in the large central oak I smiled, it has been the background to almost every one of my childhood memories. Feeling the inner child in me I put the cookies in my hoody pocket and grabbed the rolled blanket and book. The climb was just as clumsy as ever especially with my arms carrying the items but I managed to throw them on to the wooden base and soon joined them.

Our torn out posters from our favourite comic books still hung from their pins on the walls, rather tattered now and faded, they still drew a smile to my lips as I unrolled the blanket Esme had given me to sit on.

When the fabric unravelled I gasped and a small almost hysterical giggle escaped me, it was my sleeping bag. My childhood favourite purple starred sleeping bag. I unzipped it around to open it out, the years had flattened some of the stuffing but it was still warm and just as soft and I deeply inhaled its familiar smell of teenage Edward, or more likely Esme's choice in washing powder for all these years.

About an hour later as I sat in the small wooden house I decided that even though the light from the house shone through the makeshift windows lighting the inside of the tree house, there wasn't quite enough light to read the small print of my book. I shut my book, laid it next to me and glanced back to the house where I could just see Esme busying about in the kitchen preparing what I assumed was her evening meal. As I watched her I heard a car pull up in the gravel driveway, closely followed sound of a car door shutting sharply, as if the driver had pushed it shut with a great amount of force in a state of agitation. Not wanting to appear as if I were prying I turned and lent back against the tree house wall.

My first thoughts were maybe Carlisle had returned early and perhaps angry at losing his golf match, but then even Carlisle would never show such outward aggression; he was the most passive man I knew. Not even Emmett's many years of pranks or the one time he and Rose put a huge hole in his bedroom wall after they got more then a little carried away, had I ever heard Carlisle so much as raise his voice.

I became lost in old memories of child hood pranks as the minutes ticked by. Lost in thought of our many near misses with parents and the threats of being grounded I suddenly jumped as I felt the tree move a little beneath me. Peeking over the entrance hatch to the tree house I felt the air leave my body as I quickly spied the top of his messy bronze hair.

_What should I say? How should I act? _I asked within as I sat back to compose myself. There was no time to deliberate. He was here, there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, and no one to save me. It was time.

I took a breath and let the first words that came in to my head flow, "Time to swear you back in Ice fang." My voice sounded effortless, despite its nerves, and for that little mercy I was grateful. On the inside my inner stomach whooshed around like a spin dryer and my entire mouth felt like it had become full of dry cotton wool.

His eyes, those beautiful soulful eyes, flashed almost every emotion ever felt by mankind. I was prepared for his evident shock at my being here, however I was not prepared in my appearance; I was meant to be freshly showered and dressed a lot better and more groomed than I was right now, all the while sitting in a beautiful café or wine bar. I would have been armed, ready to face him and have the words all there in my head rehearsed from being written on perfect white paper all eloquent and correct.

He pulled himself up and slid his jean covered legs back as he took a seat across from me, he never took his eyes away from mine and I noticed that he was desperately trying to wet his lips to speak, because I was doing the exact same thing.

"You're here." His velvet voice never sounded that soft or that smooth in my many forced memories. Those memories had failed to hold not just his velvet tone, but his beautiful face as well. Not once did it ever look that clear in my visions.

"You're here, right here." I suddenly felt myself smile as the shock slowly left his tense features and that crooked smile I have always loved, and will only ever love, came to his perfect smooth plump lips. "Umm, yes" my voice was still whisper quiet and I did smile as I wondered if my speaking louder may send him in to a deeper shock as he still looked so dazzled.

"But you were gone?" He looked so confused and I even noticed how he slowly moved his hand across to his opposite arm and his thumb and finger began to place a series of pinches as if he needed to wake up and that I was just a figment of his deluded imagination.

I knew the feeling all too well, I had a similar experience while walking in the market and spotting a tall slender bronze haired man from behind. There was a spilt second when my heart raced as I thought he could be him. That was yet another reason I knew I had to come home, those mistaken moments of "seeing" him only further proved my theory in understanding myself and my heart; I knew that when I "saw" him I was alive and not just living.

"I came home this afternoon; Esme and Charlie are they only ones who know and I never really told them until a few days ago." He looked hurt when I mentioned the fact his mother had known, I didn't like how his brows creased and his eye quickly flashed towards the house. "Don't be mad with her, she has been so kind to me and yet again has become the mother I never had."

"I'm not mad, I could never be mad with her not after everything I have done and the hurt I have caused…." He looked away from me as he spoke brokenly about recent events. It was sooner then I expected him to mention but perhaps it was best to clear the air sooner than later, to finally remove the cloud.

"I won't regret my decisions; they brought me to here and now." I never looked away from his sorrow filled eyes as I tried to let him know that things of the past don't always have to be negatives. "However I do regret my actions of leaving….I should never have run away like I did. I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you and for them." Stopping him from his obvious need to explain himself and interrupt me I changed the course of my feelings. "Poor Jasper must be run into the ground, and with Rose finally planning a wedding I bet Emmett's been like hell on wheels." I smiled as I thought how good it would be to see them all again.

"Bella, I can't not regret my foolish and selfish actions. When I became part of those illusions you have to believe me that it only came from my intent to give a dying man piece of mind and a sense of peace. When I became so involved it quickly turned in to the blackest kind of blasphemy." Edward was clearly fighting with himself. I noticed his eyes blink quickly as they turned glass-like swimming in the contained tears. "But I never thought that you could believe that I would never have wanted you in my life. After every look I ever gave you and every smile." Looking at him I saw it so much clearer now than I ever have - he was afraid. And just like me he never believed I could want him so completely too.

We both sat there locked by our eyes, neither wanting to look away, the silence between us seemed to say everything in a silent confession of love, loss and fear.

"I'm getting this all wrong. After spending so many hours, days even, thinking of how I would tell you everything and afterwards never having to let you go ever again." His voice sounded so soft and for the first time since he sat across from me he looked away and began to find, watch and pull the loose cotton thread of his shirt cuff. "All those nights dreaming of you, imagining you there beside me, holding you in my arms and seeing your beautiful smile and your laugh….god how I have prayed to hear it just once more before I die…..and now you're here and I'm getting it all wrong." He shook his head and I watched how he creased his brow and resumed his methodical arm pinching.

"You're not asleep, and you're not dead." I reached out and gently put my hand over his, stopping the pinching, noticing how my once nervous insecure trembles were no longer there. His skin still gave me that electric spark and only confirmed my new found confidence. "I'm here, and I love you." My confession shocked us both as I looked up and saw him swallow thickly too. "I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away." At releasing the only secret I have ever kept from him I felt alive and so free.

His hand moved from under my touch and slowly, so very achingly slowly, he reached out and with a feather light touch placed it softly against my cheek, his thumb gently running under my cheek bone. My hand followed and rested over his, holding him there, and I felt his other hand on my chest against my heart. Looking at his eyes I could see him fighting the belief and his confidence. Helping him I raised and placed my own hand against his chest feeling assurance that I was not the only one trying to stop their heart breaking out of its chest from its fierce thumping.

"You don't know….. How long I have waited..." His voice made me smile and shiver as his gentle breath tickled my neck from the closeness. No longer the once scared or self doubting girl I found my voice, "But I do….. Because I have waited too."

Slowly I pulled my hand up from his chest and wrapping it behind his neck I pulled him closer to me as my fingers knotted into his messy hair. His lips met mine in such tender softness and the intense sparks seemed to strike from his lips into mine and shoot deep into my every nerve point.

I had read about and overheard people describing that single most romantic, all consuming kiss that seals your fate forever, but now I knew and believed with all my heart that nothing or anyone could capture in words, paintings, or music the emotion and feeling this one moment, this single most life changing moment, meant in my life.

Edward began to smile that crooked smile that had stolen my heart before I even really knew who this bronze haired, comic book hero worshipping boy was all those years ago. Even with my lips against his I could feel that smile, it was my smile.

"Wow…." My sighed breathless voice was almost too quiet to hear over the nights soft sounds from outside the old wooden walls. Looking up I watched him carefully gather his own breath. Still with my smile ghosted on his beautiful face I watched his head tilt as he looked back watching me just as intently I watched him. I wanted to know his every thought, and was no longer afraid of the answers "What?"

"Now you know." No longer smiling but still holding my eyes with his own fire filled gaze and holding my cheeks in each of his hands with his thumb caressing each so slowly, softly and lovingly with a single kiss to my top lip he answered my confused frown.

"No one has _ever_ loved anyone as much as I love you."

**So there you have it, dare I ask you lovely ladies what you thought? **

**I have some serious thank you's I need to say, firstly Ally in Perth, (Champagne Anyone) you have been so lovely with your kind reviews and for even promoting this story on other fan sites, really I can not say how amazing that has been for me. So again thank you. **

**Secondly to all you wonderful ladies who have made me smile with your funny reviews or sweet words of encouragement, they really have made me giggle and smile. Thank you so much. **

**And finally I owe a lot to my best friend and beta miss SKB30, you have been so great at putting in that extra polish and sparkle. You already know this but thank you, cos you're the best! Xxx **

**I know it sounds like this is the end for Was Every but its not, we still have just 1 fluffy chapter to go :o)**

**So as ever, leave me your thoughts. xxxx**


	21. Chapter 21

He was _mine_. Nothing could ever separate him from me now. I was too strong to be torn from his side.  
Bella Cullen, _Breaking Dawn_, Chapter 21, p.425

**There are lots of thanks to be given but I think or rather I hope I covered that last chapter. Right now though I would like to say a huge thank you to every single one of you who followed, reviewed or added this story. **

**My beta and friend SKB30 has, as ever proven why I need her for that extra little sparkle, for this chapter and for all the others "Thank you Miss Sheena xx" **

**Here you ladies go a final piece of yummy from our favourite duo. **

It was the perfect star lit night sky. The full moon cast a beautiful illumination across the lawn and I watch very contently from my perfect view point at the sink. The many pleas and begging from my loves for that little wooden tree house had been worth it.

Placing my empty coffee cup into the sink I poured myself a glass of water ready to retreat upstairs. Before I could turn away from watching the sweet sight in front of the kitchen window I felt two strong warm hands circle my waist from behind. The smile easily graced my face and I finally relaxed into my husbands embrace.

"They look more than fine. You can stop fretting now my love." His voice still made my body tingle and the soft touches of his lips against my ears still brought shivers of delight to me. Turning to face him I stole a chasten kiss from his smiling lips; after all the years you would have thought the overwhelming need for him would have diminished, but it had only grown more and more intense.

"Plus while driving home from the hospital it said tonight forecasted heavy rain and if I know our son the moment that first drop hits the leaves of that tree he'll be inside wrapped in his mothers' arms." No sooner had the words left his lips did the heavens open and the screams from our son and his friend echo across the lawn.

"Mummy!" Anthony's cry of panic was swiftly followed by the complaints of his best friend Lizzie. "Ant don't be such a baby!"

Laughing softly I pulled away from my husbands arms and armed myself with a large bag of grandma's cookies ready to tempt the one stubborn child back down from a night in the leaky wooden shack. Lizzie was more like her mother and poor Jasper had his hands full with both their stubbornness.

Alice and Jasper had three children and Lizzie was their youngest. After having Fitz and Oscar the twins who were 8 going on 80 with they are calm and wise nature, Alice was desperate for a girlie girl. When I had become pregnant with Anthony six years ago I was so happy to learn that her and Jasper had decide to try for a prima-ballerina and that Alice was already two months along when I got our expectant news. Unfortunately Lizzie was not a girlie girl. She rough and tumbled with her older brothers and often had the upper hand on Anthony and as she reminded everyone often she hated the colour pink

"Liz, sweetheart it's gotten a bit too cold for a camp out don't you agree?" Standing on the ladder I smiled as I watched the curly blonde haired angelic faced little girl shrug her shoulders and grab a cookie before turning the page of her comic book. "It's not that bad. Ant's just a mummy's boy. I'm tougher. Uncle Em says I'm a bad ass and that I will be the fastest, toughest girl on his team." Her sweet voice showed her conviction at being the bravest of all her friends. As the only girl up against Fitz, Oscar and Ant she had to be that way.

Rose and Emmett were due to finally have their twins delivered later in the week, poor Rose could barely take another night of heartburn and bladder squeezing, and I didn't think Emmet could take another night of her restlessness and need to constantly have an electric fan blowing from the bottom of the bed all night. According to Emmett, it was _"like trying to sleep on the back of a motor bike." _

The sex of the twins was yet to be discovered. All us girls were praying for some little ladies to help keep all these guys in line; the boys on the other hand were secretly hopeful for a football team.

"Aunt Bella did you never camp out?" Looking at my friend's daughter I smiled as I looked around the small wooden walls. This tree house was brand new and one element Edward had sworn our garden needed after I gave birth to our son. It was only after the months of begging from Fitz, Oscar, Ant, and Edward himself, that I caved and gave the project the go ahead. "Yes I did. In fact I had lots of magic camp outs in a tree house at grandma Esme's with Uncle Edward." Lizzies face beamed as I myself began to giggle and smile at the memories a simple little wooden tree house could bring.

"Lizzie do you still like hearing those prince and princess stories?" This was our little secret, when the boys were not around Liz would sit for hours asking Rose, Alice and I all about the wonderful first kisses and treats our husbands had done for us...Disney had a lot to answer for. Nodding back at me eagerly I smiled to myself and was happy to have finally found a way to tempt her down from her tower, "Come inside and I'll make you a huge hot chocolate and I promise to tell you all about the day Uncle Edward asked me to be his princess."

"Night mummy." My sweet bronze haired boy whispered softly and sleepily as I kissed his forehead and pulled his covers higher over him. Climbing down I repeated my actions with Lizzie who was now sleeping on the bunk underneath. Her and Anthony had been the firmest of friends and their weekly sleepovers were a given, it was nice they shared such a strong kinship and the bi-weekly night off when Alice and Jasper returned the favour was always a bonus.

"Finally sleeping?" Edward asked as he sat at the breakfast bar of our kitchen eating the last spoonfuls of his makeshift dinner of cereal. The days mail sat waiting for his attention beside him and I noticed him smiling as he looked over the newest postcard sent from Tanya and Irina. Over the years they had become an intergraded part of our life's tapestry. Once Edward and I had settled into our new life together we took the invitation to visit them and my first impressions of Tanya proved right; she really was a sweet person who only wanted to protect those close to her. And Irina, just as Edward predicted, had become a great companion, and we often exchange emails of our recent reading materials.

"Yep both out for the count. Poor Ant is going to have his hands full keeping up with Liz. I can only imagine the trouble Jasper is going to have in another 10 years." Pouring myself a cold glass of juice I opened my husband a chilled beer. As I stood there finishing the last of my juice a thought crossed my mind, "Tree house?" I tilted my head towards the dimly lit garden. "Oh why not." Edward replied my favourite smirk gracing his face.

Together we dashed across the lawn through the light shower of rain and carefully climbed the ladder. Soon as we slid ourselves on to the floor I wrapped my arms around my husband and kissed his neck greedily inhaling his sweet scent. In return I felt his hands slip under my shirt and his thumbs softly swipe over the lace of my bra, his actions earning him his favourite moans. My lips kissed along his scruffy stubble lined jaw and his head fell backwards granting me easier attack.

Edward's moans only fuelled my burning desire to have him, it was like after all these years I could never get my fill of him and feeling this level of wanting now I wondered if I would _ever_ get my fill of him. I really hoped not.

Wrapping his hands in my hair and pulling my head to the side he began to return my kisses. Once he reached my favourite spot under my ear right on my pulse point he pulled away to look at me. "Not that I am complaining, because, love I most definitely am not, but why the need to do this here, again? I thought we already broke in the tree house after last month when we realised it was the only place other then your car we had yet to?" Edward was looking more flushed and dishelved than when I had surprised him that night sitting here naked in the tree house on his return from work while Ant stayed over at Alice and Jazz's.

"Well, I thought it was best to tell you this little secret away from our sleeping son. Plus, where else better to tell you than the scene of the crime." Returning my lips to his neck I once again began to attack his delicious smelling neck with nips and kisses. Edward remained still and I could picture the crease that I was sure was pressing between his eyebrows right now as I moved my fingers down the front of his shirt and opened the buttons. "Bella?" his voice whispered as I was sure he was processing my actions and words rapidly.

"Yes daddy. I am."

**EDWARD:**

"Their plane just landed, gate 4." I quickly called to Bella as she walked over to me from purchasing another much needed strawberry milkshake from the burger bar in the airport. At eight months pregnant and very round with our daughter she had never looked more beautiful. As I watched her sway towards me I suddenly felt myself become very jealous of the white and red stripped plastic straw gracing her plump perfect lips.

"Well at least being this size I don't have to worry about Jake trying to pick me up and spin me." Her beautiful smile and soft giggle made me smile as I rubbed her rounded stomach and kissed her neck. Even after many years of finally being able to hold her and kiss her whenever I liked, it still always felt like the first time.

Jacob and Ness were returning home for a rare visit while taking a break from their travels. Jacob's writing career had really served him well and he now had many book titles in the travel and mythology section of any worthy book store. We had all gotten to meet Ness on her first visit when they returned home to plan their wedding. Bella was right on first glance she was the polar opposite to Jacob but the more time you spent around them both, you became enchanted by their love.

"He's here! He's here!" My son's excited screams could be heard bouncing off every flat surface in range as he could not contain his joy at seeing his "uncle" Jake, I watched as Anthony almost flew across the waiting barrier in to Jacob's arms and I smiled as his giggles reached us as Jacob lifted him high above his head. "Jake put him down before you drop the poor boy, I happen to like his parents and I don't think harming their first born is a great way to enhance our friendship." Ness's scolding of her husband made Bella and I laugh as we all exchanged hugs and welcome homes.

"Wow best hold back on them thick shakes Bella; looks like your gaining a little weight there." Jacob's words were in jest and I couldn't help laughing as his joke was rewarded by several slaps from both our wives. "You're looking good loca." Jacob then wrapped my wife back into a friendly hug, his presents no longer the threat I once saw it for; I was now eternally grateful to Jacob Black for always protecting and keeping my girl safe and together when I couldn't.

"How you getting on there daddy?" I laughed as I watched my brother in yet another failed attempt to dress my beautiful wiggling niece on her changing mat. Emmett was all thumbs and the rare times he tried to change one of his daughters he got more cream and talc on himself than them. "You laugh now but just you remember you got it half as hard as me in a few weeks. This twin thing takes serious skill dude".

Emmett sounded bewildered, and as he finally got the popping buttons done up on the baby grow I never mentioned that they were wrongly paired and twisted, instead I chose to let him take some gloating in his work. "I swear how in the hell Rose feeds them both, bathes and dresses them like 100 times a day and _still_ wants to jump my bones is a freak of nature." Emmett tried to look worn out and as he dramatically wiped his forehead he only managed to spread more baby lotion over himself, but the smile on his face radiated nothing but pride and love of his girls.

My beautiful nieces Lilly and Amber were born by c-section and my mother was there like she had been with all our children. She was always the first thing that welcomed another member of our ever growing loving family in to the world. Bella and Alice were both determined to have her be their midwife and I could see why when I helped my mother deliver our son. That memory will always feature in the top ten of my life with Bella.

"There you boys are." My mother stopped in the door way and smiled at us. I may be a grown man, doctor, husband and father, but some things will never change and like the big bear that knelt beside me, we would always be her "boys". "Jacob and Ness have asked us to join them in the garden." And with a knowing smile she turned on her heels and like good boys we followed her outside.

"Well there was more than visiting that brought us home. We wanted you guys to know that we bought a house just outside town." Jacob stood in front of the large tree that if you looked close enough at you could see the occasional piece of crumbled or broken wood board, which once made up the four walls and the home of so many memories, our tree house. He beamed with love as he looked down to his wife now wrapped into his side.

At the mention of their news Bella and Alice began to ask hundreds of questions about the house before Jacob had to interrupt them, "But…. we also wanted you all to be the first to hear that I'm going to be a daddy too!"

The last piece of news caused extra excitement as everyone hugged Ness and slapped Jacobs back in congratulations. He would be a great and proud father, his role as husband suited him and this new role would, just like it had changed the rest of us guys, be the making of him.

Bella was the last to wiggle her way to him and we all laughed as Jacob made a real point of trying to fit his large arms around her rounded frame. "Must… make … arms… fit." Jacob laughed as Ness hit him swiftly over the back of his head in a classic move learned without question from Rose. Just as he reached down to kiss Bella's head we all heard the loud gasp and watched as he swiftly pulled his arms away from her and stepped back a pace. We all followed his horror filled eyes down to his now wet covered converse, our eyes widening at what we saw.

Alice's screams of joy could without question be heard worldwide as she confirmed facts out loud for us, "It's time! It's time!"

Turning and smiling at me my beautiful wife walked, or maybe waddled would be a better way to put it, into my arms. It was time to meet my daughter.

**So there you ladies have it. I know some of you really wanted the "lemon of all lemons" but it just didn't feel right here. **

**I may return to them and give you all a very zesty outtake thought ;o)**

**In the meantime any of you lovely ladies wanting a fill of beautiful Bella's and yummy Edwards and lets not forget "glitter" covered Emmett's here is the link to SKB30 's wicked profile.  
**

http:/www .fanfiction. net/u/1901427/ SkB30


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